My Life is a Cartoon
by Phoenix-Inferno18
Summary: Zim is trapped in his base by an unknown person with a few unexpected visitors. And even more odd is the fact that this mysterious person seems to want them to watch a strange show centered around Zim. What's the worse that could happen? In other words, what would happen if the Invader Zim characters watched the show? :)
1. The Nightmare Begins Part 1

"And why can't you transport me to the upper levels of the base?" Zim said, his voice full of annoyance and skepticism. "And why does your voice sound all weird?"

"Because Zim," The computer informed him in a warped voice that shifted every few seconds. "I have taken control of your computer."

"What!" Zim yelled. "But I am your master!"

The computer did not respond and all was silent for a few moments. Zim spoke again.

"Can I at least have my over-ride chip for your systems?" He whined.

"No Zim, you can't over-ride my control of the base." The computer said dully. "And I'm not the computer, I am controlling the computer. So, I won't give it to you."

"Why not?"

"Because why would I want you to do that?"

"Why not?" Zim repeated in the exact same tone.

"Because I don't want you to over-ride my control."

"Why no-"Zim was interrupted by shrill screams coming from above his head. Suddenly both of the Tallest slipped out of a pipe and landed in a heap on the floor. Zim gasped in surprise.

"Ow." Tallest Red said, getting to his feet. He turned to face Tallest Purple who was swaying dizzily.

"Did you get the number of the space-craft that hit us?" He asked, his voice slurred.

"I don't think that we got hit by a spacecraft." Red replied slowly. "I think that the teleporter beam took us to the wrong location!"

"What!" Exclaimed Purple. "You mean we aren't on the Planet Ritsflorpaldoop? We're going to miss the party!"

"I hijacked your teleporter and brought you here." The voice informed them. "But don't worry, it is all for the best."

"So, we've been kidnapped by some creepy person with a weird shifty voice?" Tallest Purple concluded. "Could be worse. Zim could be here."

"My Tallest!" Zim cried out. Up until that omen he had been staring at them in awe in disbelief but he had finally snapped out of it. Jumping up and down with excitement he exclaimed in a single breath. "I am shocked and amazed and surprised all at once by your mighty tall presence here! Have you come to help me destroy the filthy humans?"

Both of the Irkens stared in horror at the tiny menace. Than –as if on cue- Purple fainted.

"Believe me, we're shocked to see you too." Red replied coldly, before shaking Red's shoulders in an effort to awaken him. "But did you have to make Purple pass out?"

"Oh yes, my mighty Zimness does that sometimes." He said, waving his hand dismissively. "Now back to destroying all humans."

"That is not why they are here Zim, so keep quiet before Tallest Red passes out too." The voice coming from Computer's speakers scolded. The aforementioned nodded his head in agreement. "They are here to see- "

"Owww, my poor antenna." Purple whined as he sat up. Then seeing Zim again he fell limp once again.

"Now as I was saying you are here in order too- "

"Who invited that piece of junk?" The voice sounded. Now as I was saying the reason why you are here is too- "

"What on Irk?!" Purple exclaimed as the voice suddenly shorted out with a loud crash.

"You're awake?" Zim asked in puzzlement. "I thought you passed out!"

"If I told you no would you leave me alone?" Purple asked nervously with his antenna pressed against his head.

"Ha!" Another voice piped up making them all jump again. "That's what you get for stealing my duckies! I needed those!"

"GIR!" Zim exclaimed in surprise, then asked in a more curious tone. "How did you get in here? Weren't you upstairs?"

'Well I was wanderin along when I-" GIR's sing-song voice was cut off when a pipe snaked down from the ceiling and sucked him up. There was a cry of "PIGGIES!" which got quieter and quieter and then was gone.

"Wait GIR!" Zim called after him. "You didn't tell me how you got here!"

"What was that crash?" Purple questioned. Red soon found the source.

"Oh great, Zim's crazy robot wrecked the speakers!" Red lamented. "Now we will never know why we're here!"

It's not that bad." Zim informed them. "You get to hang out with me, the great Zim!"  
:::::::::::::::::::::

 **Meanwhile**

"Gaz!" Dib yelled as he raced down the stairs. "Do you hear the screams emanating from Zim's house?"

"Leave me alone Dib." Gaz said from her position on the couch.

"Do you know what this means?!" Dib continued. "He must be torturing some poor innocent soul! One who I can rescue and together we can take down the alien menace!"

"Leave me alone Dib." Gaz threatened. "Or else I'll make you wish I was never born."

"Ok Gaz, but if I'm not back in an hour call the Swollen Eyeball Society!"

"Go away!"

The door slammed shut and Gaz was left alone in sweet, sweet silence.

::;::::::::::::::::::

 **Back at Zim's base**

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH-" The giant screen at the front of the room flickered to life.

"The computer screen is haunted!" Zim shrieked and threw his arms up in fear.

"Quiet Zim, you interrupted my screams of terror!" Purple whined. "Do you know how rude it is to interrupt a scream of terror?"

"Quiet both of you!" Red snapped. "You're giving me a headache!"

"But, but, it's haunted!"

"It's not haunted Zim." Red explained with very little patience. "It's being controlled remotely."

"Oh." Zim said shamefully. "I knew that."

Another teleportation beam appeared in the room. After five seconds it dissipated, revealing something that resembled a television remote. A single button was flashing on the remote.

"Why is it flashing like that?" Zim questioned.

"I think we're supposed to push it." Red replied.

"Push a random blinking button?" Purple spoke his thoughts aloud. "The last time I did it that didn't end well."

"That was the self-destruct button," Red told him. "And I warned you not to push it."

"But I thought it was the button for more snacks!"

"It literally had a sign above it that said in big bold letters " **SELF DESTRUCT"**."

"I thought they were trying to hog the snacks!

"Well that was stupid."

"Hey, I resent that!"

"Well, we still have the problem of whether we should push it or not." Red pointed out. "It could be dangerous."

"My Tallest?" Zim interjected. "About destroying the Earth and making me lord of all humans-"

"That's great Zim." Purple told him. "In fact we have a button that will instantly make you lord of all humans!"

"Really?" Zim asked with ecstasy. "Those exist?"

"Of course they do!" Red said, catching onto the plan. "You can press it right now!"

"Will it give me a crown?"

"Of course!"

"Will it give me a giant sandwich?"

"It's a magical button, it will do whatever you want!" Purple informed him.

"Then I shall press this button!" Zim grabbed the remote.

"That's great!" Red said. "Just wait until we are in this nuclear shelter we found in the corner of the room."]

"I didn't even know I had one of those."

"Well, you do!" Red said impatiently from inside it. "Now push the button!"

"I shall do it, I shall-"

"Just push it already!" Both of the Irken leaders shouted at once. Zim smashed his finger down on the button. The Tallest waited with bated breath inside the shelter. Zim stood up on the chair with his hands in the air. He looked as if he was waiting to receive a gift from the gods. When nothing happened for twenty seconds, the Tallest started to whisper. As the shelter had no windows they were unsure what had happened.

"Do you think he is dead?"

"I didn't hear anything, but maybe it was just really, really quiet."

"Poke your head out and see if he has been destroyed."

"No, you do it!"

"Why?"

"Zim scares me!"

"Yes, I am scary amazing, aren't I?" Zim said. Both of the Tallest let out shrill screams. Purple jumped into Red's arms.

"Zim, how did you get into the shelter?" Red asked him.

"Oh that?" Zim told them. "You left the door open."

Red dropped Purple on the ground, ignoring his protests about unfair treatment. Meanwhile, Zim went on.

"So where is my sandwich? Is it hidden?" He asked. "Do I have to find it like-"

Zim was cut off as he was suddenly shocked by the remote in his hands. He fell to the ground, unconscious from the shock.

"I'm glad I didn't press it." Purple muttered.

As they exited the shelter the wall opened up and faster than the eye could blink it was gone. The wall sealed again and it was as if it was never there. After a few seconds of complete lack of noise, cheers erupted.

"Zim was in that shelter!"

"That means Zim is gone!"

"Let's throw a party!"

"I'll get the snacks!"

The celebration was interrupted when Zim fell down through another pipe on the ceiling. He was awake now and looked rather beat up but had no major injuries; to their disappointment.

"What just happened?"

"You forgot something." The Tallest informed him. "You have to press the button two times."

"I do?"

"Yeah, the first time you get shocked but the second time all of your dreams come true!" Purple said between giggles.

"Well, if you say so." Zim concluded. "I mean it's not like you would ever wish me harm, right?"

Red looked up from where he was about to chop a Zim voodoo doll in half with an axe. He hid both of the incriminating items behind his back.

"Of course, Zim!"

"Ok then!" Zim said eagerly, pushing the button again before throwing the remote as hard as he could to the other side of the room. Both of the Tallest fled to the corner while Zim stood there cowering. This time however, the video on the screen started playing.

"Well would you look at that!" Red exclaimed. "It just played some sort of video!"

"Aww, I was hoping it would zap Zim more violently this time." Purple lamented.

"What was that last part?" Zim asked.

"He said that we are so glad that it didn't shock you." Red improvised.

"Yeah, but what about my sandwich?"

"Quiet you two, I'm trying to watch the video!" Purple shouted. Everybody looked up at the screen.

"What is it doing?"

"Nothing much yet, just some text in a language I couldn't read and somebody driving a Shuvver."

 **Many Irken ships are headed toward Conventia, a purple planet with a metal ring around it. Monitors floating freely around in space broadcast the image of the Conventia Announcer.**

 **"** **Welcome, brave Irken soldiers. Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet. Please, proceed to the docking ring and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!" The Announcer's voice booms out.**

"Why are we watching this again? Red asked. The screen immediately froze.

"You broke it!" Purple accused. "I was watching that!"

"But why are we watching this again?" Red repeated himself.

"I have nothing better to do."

"And nothing is more important to me then serving My Tallest!"

"Zim, go do something productive."

"Yes, My Tallest!" There was a silence for a second and then the video resumed.

"Hey, it's back!" The moment Purple spoke the video turned off again.

"You broke it again you idiot!"

"No I didn't, all I did was talk!"

"It turns off when you do that so be quiet!"

"I thought you didn't want to watch this?"

"Well I do now!"

"Why?"

"Because I'm bored, ok?" Red muttered. "So be quiet."

Red's request was heeded. Zim was still doing something just out of the Tallest's sightline. Suddenly another teleportation beam appeared and when it dissipated it left a couch with room for two people. Both of the Tallest plopped down on it and the video played again.

 **A Shuvver approaches the docking ring and two mechanical tubes stretch out and attach to ports on it. Pink energy is sucked through the tubes and into the metal ring, and then is projected onto the planet by a satellite.**

 **The scene switches to the surface of the planet. Monitors drift around in the air. On one of these monitors the Announcer was speaking.**

 **"** **Be sure to visit the gift shop for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff!"**

"Hey, I remember this." Purple spoke up. "This is from when we assigned the invaders their missions!"

"Yeah, I remember too." Red said flatly. "You kept hitting me with lasers and that announcer was really annoying."

"Hey, lasers are awesome!"

Suddenly a loud crashing noise interrupted the argument. Zim had randomly bashed himself against the wall.

"Hey Zim, what are you doing?" Purple asked.

"My Tallest," Zim spoke between wheezing breaths. "I am helping you escape by bashing this wall open with my amazing strength."

"By hitting yourself against the wall?" Red wondered. "Does that do anything besides hurt you?"

"Of course it does, Red!" Purple chirped then turned to Zim. "Only hit the wall harder next time."

Zim saluted then backed up and prepared to hit the wall again. The Tallest turned their attention back to the screen which had resumed the video.

 **The pink energy beam hits a hovering receptor, causing an Irken to materialize in its beam. The Announcer's voice sounded again.**

 **"** **If you're here for The Great Assigning, please remember where you parked and proceed to the main convention hall."**

"I wish I had gotten that warning, I forgot where I parked The Massive!" Purple said.

"How can you even forget something like that, The Massive is huge!"

"Shush, trying to watch here." Purple hissed.

 **A crowd of Irkens flows toward the convention hall. Irken Security pods flew overhead, monitoring the crowd. Atop the main convention hall sits a giant red cartoon-y robot. The robot repeats the phrase "Galactic conquest is here!" on a loop. Every time it says "here" it raises its stubby arms. As the Irkens walk inside they pass an x-ray monitored by security.**

 **A huge crowd fills the convention hall. On the stage at the front of the convention hall is a huge disk-shaped metal pod. Electric currents charge between the it and the ceiling. The future Invaders stand on a platform curved around the back of the metal pod. A hover screen displaying the Conventia Announcer hovers over to the sides of the pod. The announcer addresses the crowd.**

 **"** **Now, wiggle your antennae in salute, because here they are! Your all-knowing, all-powerful leaders, the Almighty Tallest!"**

 **A beam of red light shines down from the ceiling and onto the pod. Hatches of the pod unlock and it opens up, emitting smoke. All of the Irkens wiggle their antennae. The top half of the pod begins to rise to the ceiling. Small mechanical spheres emerge from the bottom half of the pod and rise above the audience. They then begin to emit lasers in all directions. Two posts lower detach from the ceiling pod, which creates a holographic screen between them. A hover disk detaches from the bottom of the ceiling pod. It lowers downwards, revealing Red and Purple standing on it. The Tallest wave and the disk emits lasers from the rim. The audience cheers loudly.**

Hey, look! It's us." Purple pointed out with glee. "It was about time they made a movie featuring us!"

"What I can't figure out is how they got this footage." Red mused. "All of the recordings of this event are confidential so that the enemy can't know our actions."

"Does that matter? We're movie stars!" Purple exclaimed.

"I guess it is pretty awesome."

 **"** **Thank you! Thank you!" Purple called out in response to the cheers.**

 **"** **See, told you they'd love the lasers." Red told him smugly.**

 **"** **Everything is lasers with you! I'm telling you, smoke machines are what the people really-"**

 **Purple is interrupted when a laser beam hits him in the eye and he falls over, screaming in pain. This makes the audience cheer even louder.**

 **"** **See?" Red said as Purple got back up, rubbing his eye.**

"Ha, ha!" Red chortles. "That was even better on video!"

"Speak for yourself, that hurt." Purple pointed out in a pouty tone." And no, I couldn't see. The laser had blasted my eye!"

"I wish I could watch that a million times!"

Evidentially whoever was controlling the screen heard him because the scene replayed. Purple was shown being hit in the eye once again. And again, and again.

"That is enough." Purple said crossly. The loop stopped. Red was curled up on the floor in a fit of laughter. Once he got his laughter under control he sat back on the couch.

"Maybe this kidnapper isn't so bad after all." He said, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. Purple just sulked.

 **"** **Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you." Red addressed the excited crowd. "Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts of operation Impending Doom 2!"**

 **The hologram behind them lit up with a map of the whole galaxy. Red spoke again.**

 **"** **You in the audience just get to sit and watch."**

 **"** **You should have tried harder!" Purple interjected.**

 **"** **These superior ones-"**

 **"** **Not quite as superior as us of course!" Purple said, interrupting once again.**

 **"** **Pffff... Duh!" Red replied, scoffing at the obviousness of the statement. Nobody was superior to the Tallest, they were practically gods. At least that was how they viewed themselves. "These less superior than us but still quite superior soldiers will each be assigned to an enemy planet!"**

 **"** **There, you will blend in with the hideous native inhabitants." Purple told the future invaders.**

 **"** **All while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses, making it vul-ner-able to our big... space ship... gang!" Red said, stumbling for words.**

 **"** **The Armada." Purple corrected him.**

"Seriously, why big spaceship gang? That's just stupid!"

"Oh yeah?" Red retorted. "What about the time you called it the big flying ship-y thingee?"

"Hey, that was-"

Zim lugged a giant machine past The Tallest, the screeching of the metal against the floor interrupting Purple. They looked up at the giant machine in exasperation.

"Zim, I thought you were busy hitting yourself against the wall?" Red said.

"Yeah, what happened to that?" Purple said. "It was great!"

"Well, it was going well. I think I had almost made a dent when the continuous hitting of my head knocked an idea into my head." Zim explained. "And that idea was to use my wall destroying laser that was sitting in the corner!"

"Seriously?" Red asked in exasperation. "You had a wall destroying laser and you didn't think to use it before now?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because-"Seeing the blank look on Zim's face he shook his head. "Just forget it."

Zim pushed the machine over to the wall.

"Prepare for the mightiest, most Zim-y freedom ever!" Zim yelled.

Purple was tempted to ask what Zim-y meant but wasn't sure he wanted to know the answer. So they watched quietly as Zim pushed a giant purple button on the machine.

 ** _KAAAABLLLAMMM!_**

The machine exploded, leaving Zim covered in a thin layer of ash. Purple pointed at Zim and started laughing. Soon Red followed suit.

"Well," Zim coughed out. "Guess I should have labeled the self-destruct button."

Luckily, the explosion had blown the wall open. Unluckily they were in the underground so all there was outside the wall was dirt. Dirt that toppled through the gap and buried Zim.

"I'm ok!" His muffled voice came out from under the pile, which only made them laugh harder. "Just give my organs a moment to mend."

"Come on Purple," Red chortled. "I want to see what happens to the hero of the show."

"Yes, I want to see what happens to me too!"

"I meant me!"

"Oh. I was going to share the giant cupcake I have in my room, but not anymore!"

"Maybe we can both be the hero." Red proposed before muttering under his breath. "But I'm the better one."

"Sure, but I'm the favorite!" Purple announced.

 **"** **Now, let the assigning begin**!" **Purple yells.**

 **The crowd is not very enthusiastic except for one member in the back of the crowd. The Tallest continue anyways.**

 **"** **Step forward, Invader Larb." Red commands.**

 **Invader Larb runs forward and hops onto the pod. A ramp extends from the Tallest's platform to Larb, who ascends it.**

 **"** **Ah!" Red speaks. "You seem to have grown since last you stood before us, soldier!"**

 **"** **You've been assigned to the planet Blorch," As he speaks the holograph behind them shows a picture of a terrified Invader Larb being attacked by giant rats. "home of the slaughtering rat people!"**

 **"** **Why would you draw that?!" Larb asks, his eyes starting to tear up.**

"I drew it myself." Purple commented. "Voella says I have a gift."

 **"** **However -because of your increased height- we have decided to give you the planet Vort," As he speaks the picture changes to one of Invader Larb relaxing contently on a large couch. "home of the universe's most comfortable couch."**

 **"** **Yeeeeeees!" Larb exclaims. He takes his assignment sheet from Purple then joyfully slides down the ramp and runs away.**

 **"** **Next," Purple calls out. "Invader Spleen!" Invader Spleen walks up.**

 **"** **Ooooooh."**

 **:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

 **Meanwhile, Zim's Voot Cruiser flies towards the docking ring.**

 **"** **Move it, move it! Invader coming!" Zim shrilly shrieks from inside the vehicle. "Move it! Argh, move it! Get out of the way!"**

 **Zim sandwiches his Voot Cruiser in between two docked Viral Tanks.**

"Oh no." Purple said, his voice filled with dread. "I'd recognize that horrible voice anywhere."

"Zim." Both Tallests said in unison.

 **"** **And last, INVADER SKOODGE!" After Purple's announcement Scoodge walks up.**

 **"** **Oh, now that's just sad."**

 **"** **COULD YOU GET ANY SHORTER?!" Purple exclaimed, receiving a sad look from Scoodge in response.**

 **"** **You will be assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people. Thank you." Red decides dismissively. A picture of Invader Skoodge being attacked by the rat people appears on the holoscreen.**

"How did you have time to draw that one as well?" Red asked Purple.

"Drawing short Irkens in danger is one of my hobbies." Purple explained. "I have a whole section on Zim. One where he is being crushed by a boulder, one where he flies into the sun, one of his head exploding, so on. Want to see them later?"

"You bet I do!"

 **Tears swell up in Skoodge's eyes. While this is happening Zim pushes his way to the front of the main convention hall through the crowds of Irkens.**

 **"** **Get out of the way! Move it, move it!" Zim shrieks. "Get out of my way! Move! You're in my way!"**

 **"** **Thus concludes the great assigning!" Red tells the crowd.**

 **"** **Move! You're in my way! Get out of the way! Get out of the way! Move it! Move it"**

 **"** **Help yourselves to some nachos, and we'll see you at the equipping station." Red says.**

 **"** **Yes, gorge yourselves, you MOOCHES!"**

 **"** **No, no, no! Wait!" Zim shrieks as he waves an arm from the front of the crowd.**

 **"** **That voice!" Red exclaims as Zim hauls himself onto the pod. "No!"**

 **"** **It can't be!" Purple denies, clearly in distress. Zim rears his head up, revealing his face.**

 **"** **ZIM!" The Tallest say in shocked unison.**

"Did you need me my Tallest?" Zim says, popping up suddenly.

"AHHHHH!" They both scream.

"Don't pop up like that when we are watching something scary on television!" Purple admonishes.

"But it's just a picture of me." Zim says, looking at the paused screen.

"Exactly!"

"I thought you were trapped under that pile of dirt!" Purple asks. "How did you get out?"

"You don't want to know." Zim said with a shudder.

 **Zim approaches The Tallest.**

 **"** **Sorry I'm late, my Tallest. I couldn't find my invitation." Zim says. "You're lucky I made it at all."**

 **"** **You weren't invited at all."**

 **"** **Weren't you banished to Foodcourtia?" Purple points out. "Shouldn't you be, frying something?"**

 **"** **Oh, I quit when I found out about this." Zim explains.**

 **"** **You quit being banished?"**

 **"** **The Assigning is over, Zim!" Red says bluntly.**

 **"** **But you can't have an invasion without me! I was in operation Impending Doom 1!" Zim points out. "Don't you remember?"**

 **"** **Oh, yes." Purple says sarcastically. "We remember."**

 **::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

 **Flashback**

 **::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

 **It is chaos on Planet Irk. Sirens are going off, and several explosions occur. Two Irkens run towards a parked Spittle Runner, but abruptly turn around and run away from the ship right before a large robotic foot of Frontline Battle Mech #4 crushes it. In the cockpit of the battle mech, Zim pulls levers while laughing maniacally.**

 **"** **But sir, we're still on our own planet!" An operator pleads.**

 **"** **Silence! Twist those knobs! Twist those knobs!" He commands. "You! Pull some levers! Pull some levers!" The Irken operators reluctantly obey. The Almighty Tallest watch speechlessly from a building as the robot rampages through the wrecked city with Zim's laughter ringing in the air. Further damage occurs as the large cannon on the mech's back pivots around, firing indiscriminately with its sweeping laser.**

 **::::::::::::::::::::::::**

 **End of Flashback**

 **::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

"WOW! That looked even better on screen then it did in person!"

Zim was sitting between his leaders and was smiling and kicking his legs as he watched the screen and munched on buttered popcorn. Red gasped and grabbed Zim, hurling him onto the ground.

"Ew!" Red exclaimed. "Now I have Zim germs!"

"GERMS!" Zim shrieked in an un-naturally high pitched voice. "Where?!"

"You are one messed up little person, Zim."

"Sorry, My Tallest. " Zim apologized nervously. "I thought I was over that."

"Well –no matter how much I hate to say it- Zim is right." Purple pointed out. "Those explosions were pretty awesome to watch."

"What?" Purple says in defense as Red shoots him a glare. "They were!"

 **"** **I put the fires out." Zim says as he attempts to smile innocently.**

 **"** **You made them worse!" Red says accusingly.**

 **"** **Worse... or better?"**

 **"** **Guh." Purple sighs. "Besides, no Invader has ever been so- very small. You're very small, Zim. You're a tiny, thing."**

 **"** **BUT, Invader's blood marches through my veins like giant RADIOACTIVE ROBO-PANTS! The pants command me!" Zim protests. "DO NOT IGNORE MY VEINS!"**

 **"** **As a show of… gratitude for your service in the past... eh..." Red says awkwardly as he pulls a sandwich out of his belt and hands it to Zim. "Here's a sandwich."**

 **"** **But-"**

 **"** **Thanks for coming, everybody!" Purple yells, trying to finish up and make Zim go away.**

 **"** **Hello?!" Zim yells.**

 **"** **Goodnight!"**

 **"** **Hello! Hello! WAIT!" Zim shrieks, speaking over The Tallest.**

 **"** **What? You got your sandwich!"**

 **"** **My Tallest, an opportunity to prove I truly can be an Invader is all that I ask!" Zim pleads. "Gimme!"**

 **"** **Hold on, I've got a plan." Red tells Purple.**

"What was the plan?" Zim asks through a mouthful of popcorn.

The Tallest -put on the spot- fumbled for a decent lexcuse.

"Ummm… I"

"You see… Zim… It was…"

"To give you the best of ALL THE PLANETS!" Purple sputtered out.

"Yeah, so you could prove your MIGHTY IRKEN MIGHT!"

"And not to send you out hoping you would be lost forever!"

"That makes sense."

"Yes, yes it does."

 **"** **We see now that you are truly deserving." Red tells Zim.**

 **"** **Yes." Zim says smugly. "Yes, I am."**

 **"** **You will be sent to a planet so mysterious, no one has even heard of it!"**

 **"** **Right! And those who have heard of it... dare not speak its name!" Purple adds, seeing where this was going.**

 **"** **What's its name?" Zim asks.**

 **"** **Oh, I dare not speak it!" Purple says dramatically.**

 **"** **Where is it?" Zim says in a tone that those who didn't know him could mistake for skepticism.**

 **"** **Um." Red says as he starts hovering around, searching the holograph of the universe for a planet before he points to a slip of paper taped to the holograph pole that shows the outline of a planet and a question mark in it. Below the crude drawing word planet with a question mark after it was written. "Uh... Uh... Um... Right there!"**

 **"** **Oooooooooh!" Zim says in a reverent tone. "A secret mission!"**

 **"Happy now?" Red asks.**

 **"Yes."**

 **"Invaders; Report to the equipment hall!" Red announced, before adding one last thing. "And remember! Lasers." A laser hits Purple in the eye right after he says this. Purple shrieks in pain."**

Suddenly a rumbling is heard above them. The sounds of thumping and shouting came from the pipe above them. And it got louder and louder until something fell out of the pipe just as the Tallest had.

Or should I say someone. Someone had fallen out of the pipe. And the one who had fallen out of the pipe was none other then….

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Hi guys! Yes, it's me again. Sorry I have been absent for a while. I was working on a one-shot featuring none other than Gaz and Iggins, but it wasn't working. So, I went for this idea instead.

I have seen several of these done for other fandoms but for some reason I have never seen it done for Invader Zim. So, I though why don't I do one?

Usually each chapter will contain a whole episode but since episode one is longer than the others and I had to do the introduction, I decided one part wouldn't be able to fit the whole thing in without creating a mega-chapter.

Anyways, I hope you guys enjoy this! I love all of the reviews I have been getting on my other stories. They are all so kind and amazing! Really, they make my day.

So please, review and favourite! If you have suggestions for something that should happen I would gladly take a look at them and very possibly incorporate them. :)

I don't want to make it sound like I am holding this story hostage or anything but reviews really do motivate me to keep going and update faster.

Thanks a lot for reading, and I hope that you enjoyed it! :)

PS: If anybody has any better ideas for a title, I would be glad to hear them! I am ok with the title but I feel like it could be better.


	2. The Nightmare Begins Part 2

Hi guys, I'm back with another update! I am glad that the first chapter has gotten such a warm reception, and I hope you like this chapter just as much!

Anyways, enjoy!

Oh my goodness, I just realized I messed up and forgot to do a disclaimer last chapter! Please don't sue me!

Disclaimer: The rights to Invader Zim belong solely to Jhonen Vasquez and Nickelodeon.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 **Last time on My Life is a Cartoon**

 _Suddenly a rumbling is heard above them. The sounds of thumping and shouting came from the pipe above them. And it got louder and louder until something fell out of the pipe just as the Tallest had._

 _Or should I say someone. Someone had fallen out of the pipe. And the one who had fallen out of the pipe was none other then…._

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Get off me, you insolent stinky horrible fool!" Zim screamed at the intruder. When they had come flying out of the pipe they had landed on top of him and knocked him down. And Zim was not very happy about it.

Purple looked on in interest as Dib was shoved off of Zim.

"Hey, isn't that the kid who was in Zim's base?"

"Yeah, the one who Zim always talks about. The one with the huge head." Red thought aloud. "Derp, was it?"

"Nah, I think it was Domp." 

"It's Dib, you alien freaks." Dib shouted. "And I'm here to take you down!"

"Nobody insults The Tallest!" Zim shrieked. "Prepare to meet DOOM!"

Before Dib knew it he was pinned on the ground by a furious Zim. As they wrestled on the ground the Tallest looked at each other.

"I'm going to go watch the show."

"Are you sure?" Purple asked. "Look, Zim's being beaten up by a human smeet! Who would want to miss that!"

"It was funny at first, but now it is just kind of sad."

"Whatever you say, but I'm going to be over here recording this for Irk's Funniest Home Videos." Purple said. "I'll win first prize, everyone loves seeing Zim get hurt!"

Red sat back down on the couch and the video played.

" **The universe will be ours for the taking!" Red announced. "It's only a matter of time before all the races of the Universe serve... the IRKEN EMPIRE!"**

" **I'll have them serve me the curly fries."**

 **The words are echoed over and over as a close-up of the slip of paper with the unknown planet changes to a shot of a galaxy that looks exactly like the planet on the slip of paper, question mark and all. The camera zooms in on the galaxy at light speed until planet Earth is visible, then planet Earth is zoomed in on where Dib is sitting a laptop computer attached to a satellite and wearing headphones as he receives the transition from Conventia. He pulls off the headphones.**

"Ah ha!" Dib screams popping up from where he and Zim were tussling. "I caught you right in the middle of your horrifyingly evil act of- watching tv?"

Dib then saw the picture of himself on the screen.

"You've been spying on me?!" He yelled. "How? I'm always so careful!"

"I'm not really sure." Red said, turning off his camera. "The video just popped up on the screen."

"Yeah, right." Dib said sarcastically.

"No seriously, we were on it too!" Purple reassured him. "And we don't know what's up with that either. It just showed a whole secret meeting that we didn't even know was taped!"

"So, all of your secrets are on this tape?" Dib whispered deviously to himself. "Watch out Zim, cause I'm going to use your own video to bring you down!"

"What?"

"Nothing." Dib replied. "Hey, may I watch?"

"Sure, anyone who beats up Zim is good in my books."

"Don't do it, My Tallest!" Zim yelled, then pointed a finger at Dib. "He is dangerous! DANGEROUS, I say!" 

"Oh yeah?" Purple asked. "And why is he so dangerous?" 

"He tries to do awful things to me!" Zim shrieks, stomping his feet. "He poured water on my head, and it burned!"

"And why would water burn?" Red asked skeptically.

"Wait," Dib asked in confusion. "water doesn't hurt you?" 

"Never has, never will." Purple replied. "I mean, why would it?"

"The water is evil!"

"Shut up, Zim."

"But, My Tallest." Zim protested before sitting down and sulking. Dib stuck his tongue out at him, and Zim returned the gesture.

" **They're coming!" Dib whispers in a horrified voice. Meanwhile, inside the Membrane house….**

" **Dib drank the last soda." Gaz fumes. "He will pay!"**

 **Outside, Dib slides down the rest of the pipe and swings into an open window, where he falls into a sink filled with water.**

" **They're coming!" Dib yells and jumps out of the sink and runs to his father**

" **Dad! They're coming!" Dib shrieks while tugging on his father's sleeve." I heard them! I actually heard them! I was up on the roof, and I heard this transmission that was coming through!"**

" **Shtshtshtsht! Not now son! I'm making-" Sparks of electricity fly everywhere and the Professor triumphantly lifts up a piece of toast. "TOAST!"**

" **Gaz, they're coming!" Dib runs over to Gaz and yells. "They really are!"**

"So wait, you somehow heard us – a googolplex of light years away- with that tiny satellite, a computer, and some headphones?"

"My Dad built my computer for me, it is super powerful." Dib explained with pride in his voice. "It can even- wait, why am I explaining this to you? You're the enemy!"

"I was just wondering, jeez!"

" **Who's coming, Dib?" Gaz asked irritably.**

" **I don't know..."**

 **::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;**

 **The Invaders gather around the Almighty Tallest. Purple puts a compact robot on the ground, which unfolds into a two-foot-tall robot.**

" **This is your Standard Issue Information Retrieval Unit, also known as a SIR. It will assist you in gathering valuable knowledge during your mission."**

" **It's also a thermos!' Purple picks up the SIR and it compacts again. "Who wants this one?"**

" **I do!" Yells an Invader.**

 **Purple throws it and it hits the Invader.**

" **Ow!" The Invader shrieks, then woozily says. "Thank you."**

" **Everyone else, line up and take a robot!" Red commands.**

 **The invaders line up. Out of the wall, a long mechanical tentacle that serves as a conveyor belt emerges. Several compact SIR units slide down. The first Invader in line, Invader Larb, steps up. A SIR detaches from the wire and unfolds, on its feet and ready for action.**

 **SIR! Go warm up my ship's engines." Larb commands.**

" **Yes master, I obey!" The SIR and Larb walk off as Zim steps forward.**

"That horrible human is spying on us!" Zim shrieks. "I just know he will use all of this against us!"

"No, he's not." Purple defended, then spoke in a bit too eager of a tone. "Besides, it's not like you have any mind shattering secrets that this movie will reveal that could warrant –I don't know- banishment into a black hole?"

"Or deactivation?" Red added on.

"Well not really, but-"

"Well then I don't see what the problem is." 

"He's taking notes on all of our weaknesses!"

"I'm just doodling." Dib stuttered out.

"Zim, he's just doodling." Purple echoed.

"But, look!" Zim said, grabbing the paper before Dib could react and shoving it into their faces. "He's noting down all of our weaknesses."

"This is kind of suspicious." Red reasoned.

"Now-" Dib said but before he had uttered more than a single word a laser gun was pointing at his face.

"Speak villain, speak now!" Zim shrieked.

"I didn't-"

"Confess!" Zim shrieked once again, this time blasting off the tip of Dib's hair scythe.

"My hair, you monster!" Dib yelled. "I will never admit that I am gathering information to destroy Zim!"

"But you just did." Zim said slyly then spoke up. "Did you hear that, he was plotting against you!"

"I'm sorry, but I didn't hear what Dit said just then." Red fibbed. If the big-headed kid wanted to gather information that would destroy Zim, who were they to stop him?"

"Wait what?" Dib asked. How had they not heard that? Oh well, he got lucky and should just be grateful. Even if the Irken had called him Dit.

"NooOOOOOO!" Zim screamed at Dib. "You may have fooled the Tallest, but you can't fool me! I will bring humanity to its knees, and you will pay!"

"Security system activated." Words flashed across the screen. The room flashed in shades of bright, blinking red.

"EEEEeeeeek!" Shrieked Tallest Purple, and dived under the couch. Zim was still ranting.

"You will pay so much payment that it will make you broker then broke, you will be super mega broke! No, super-duper mega super broke!" Zim was about to go on but then he was zapped by a laser. The words disappeared and the lights went back to normal.

"Wow, I guess the hacker found him as annoying as I did." Purple concluded.

"Yeah, I guess."

The silence was palpable for a minute.

"So, should we watch the footage?" 

Zim groaned and raised a finger like he was about to say something, but then fell back face first onto the floor.

 **Zim: Finally! A robot slave of my own!**

Dib looked up in glee in hearing his nemesis's voice. This was the perfect chance to find the answers to all of the questions he had been asking! He couldn't believe he was being allowed to see this, Zim's leaders must be really stupid! 

**Zim reaches his arms out, waiting to get his own SIR.**

" **Eh, we have a "top-secret" model for you, Zim." Red says contemptuously.**

 **He waves his hand over a hole near him and a trashcan emerges. Red searches through the junk and SIR parts as Purple pulls out a screw, 2 pennies, a paper clip, and a rubber ball from his pocket band. Red attaches some eyes to a head as Purple dumps the junk in as a brain for the new robot. Purple makes a howling kind of whistle noise and tosses the hunk of junk in front of Zim. It lies there, inactive.**

"Wait, what?" Dib asks in confusion. "But you made the robot just then out of random stuff!"

"No, we didn't." Purple lies with a nervous glance at Zim. Dib still looks very skeptical so Red speaks up.

"The parts were disguised as random junk to prevent them from being stolen. They were kept separate for the same reason."

Dib thought this was rather odd, but it did make sense.Kind of.

" **It looks kind of... not good." Zim says.**

" **Yes! Well, that's what the enemy will think!" Purple explains as Red nods in agreement. "Get it?"**

" **I see! Very good! It even fooled meee!" Zim says. "I am honored to be trusted with such advanced technology."**

 **The Almighty Tallest giggle to themselves. Suddenly, the robot activates with red glowing eyes and runs up to Zim.**

" **GIR, reporting for duty!"**

" **GIR?" Zim asks in surprised confusion. "What does the 'G' stand for?"**

" **I don't know!" GIR exclaims as his eyes turn blue.**

 **GIR stands there stupidly. He then hits himself in the head repeatedly.**

" **Wheeeeee hoo hoo hoo!" GIR screams. "Wheeeeeeee hoo hoo hoo!"**

" **Um, is it supposed to be stupid?"**

" **It's not stupid. It's advanced!"  
**

 **GIR proceeds to bounce on his head repeatedly, as the Tallest continue to snicker.**

Dib frantically took notes on Zim's little robot. Though he had realized the robot dog thing was stupid and had taken advantage of him for it before, he hadn't realized the full extent of it. He wondered why Zim kept him around.

But then again, there might be some hidden reason behind the way he acted. Zim's leaders had said it themselves in the video that the robot was advanced. He did wonder what the G stood for. Great? Glorious? Some alien word he didn't know?

Dib grinned to himself. He would figure it out sooner or later by watching this video. Hopefully he would know everything about the Irken race and their weaknesses by the end of the it.

 **All the Irken ships start to leave Conventia. Zim's Voot Cruiser separates from the rest and heads for Earth.**

" **Okay, GIR! Our mission begins now!" Zim announces as they fly away. "Let us reign some doom down upon the filthy heads of our doomed enemies!"**

" **I'm gonna sing the doom song now!" GIR replies in a chipper voice and starts to sing in a meaningless tune. "Doom doom doom doo doom doom!"**

 **GIR continues to sing the doom song as the Voot Cruiser zooms off.**

 **:::::::::::::::::::::::**

 **The words '6 months later' appear against a black background. A weak looking Zim is lying back on his chair with his mouth hanging open and his tongue hanging out, drool dripping. GIR is still singing the doom song.**

" **GIR... Would you please stop singing?" GIR continues singing. Is about to strangle GIR but is interrupted by the ship's computer.**

" **Proximity warning." Zim is informed. His control panel shows an image of the planet with the word Earth next to it. "Planet ahead."**

" **GIR, we're here! We're finally here!"**

 **GIR just gives Zim a hand motion indicating that he is not done singing the doom song.**

" **Doom, doom, doom, the end!" GIR sees the planet that they are rapidly approaching. "Ooh, WHASSAT?"**

" **Planet Earth! This must be the place." Zim says. "Okay, first off we have to set up a base of operations."**

"DOOOM!" Zim shrieks before nailing Dib on the head with a frying pan. Dib falls down unconscious in a heap on the couch.

"Zim, what was that for?!" Red yells. "Why did you hit Dub with that big metal thing?"

"Yeah, Dirp didn't do anything to you!" Purple yells before remembering. "Besides making you endure extreme pain and thwarting you at every turn."

"I did it to free you, My Tallest!" 

"Come again?"

"The Dib thing used his slimy mind psychic hypnosis powers on yoooooou!" Zim explains. "No need to thank me, all in a day's work."

"But-"

"Now, I think the best course of action from here would be to tie him into a rocket heading for one of those suns." Zim proposed. "The super hot kind you know, and then shoot the sun into a black hole and the black hole-"

"Whoa Zim, slow down." Red commands. "We aren't hypnotized."

"Well, of course you aren't now," Zim said, looking at Red oddly. "I freed you. As I was saying, no need to reward me. Well, unless you want to of course. I-"

"Zim, we weren't hypnotized." Purple cuts in.

"But… Dib and-" Zim stutters.

"We just like the big headed boy." Red explains. "He seems like a good kid."

"Hmmm, maybe you aren't hypnotized." Zim mused. "Oh well, better hit him again to make sure."

Zim prepared for another swing but Red snatched the pan from his hands in disapproval. Zim back down on his spot on the floor with a huff. 

"Are you…. sulking?" Purple asked.

"No." Zim muttered. "Just turn on the video thingee."

" **Heehee." GIR giggles.**

" **Focus, GIR!" Zim commands. "This is where your advanced information gathering skills come in handy!"**

" **Yes, my master!" His eyes turn blue again as he rushes to the window. GIR's eyes turn red and he salutes Zim. The Voot Cruiser flies closer to the surface of Earth through clouds.**

" **You have to observe what these... Earthenoids consider to be... normal." Zim tells the robot. "Then, based on your observations, we make our disguises... and our home."**

 **The Voot Cruiser veers downward even closer to the surface of Earth. As they fly by, the control panel shows many osuch as cars and squirrels. The Voot Runner passes over a pink flamingo, the 105.5 FM WTFU radio station, a lawn gnome, and many houses.**

" **Here! We build here!"**

 **The ship abruptly stops over a gap between two houses and lowers down into it. As the Voot Cruiser lands, it creates a great cloud of dust which seeps out into the street. Zim's shadowy figure walks out of the dust and looks around.**

" **Ooh, that was easy!" Zim exclaims then his tone turns commanding. "GIR! Get out here!"**

 **GIR jumps out of the Voot Cruiser and hits the ship on the way down causing him to fall**

 **on his face.**

" **Hurry, GIR! What did you learn?" Zim asks and GIR gets up.**

" **I saw a squirrel." Zim gives GIR a puzzled look and the robot elaborates. "It was doin' like this-"**

 **GIR imitates a squirrel. Zim is not amused.**

" **Concentrate, GIR! It is time for disguises!"**

" **I wanna be a mongoose."**

" **Shhh! We have to be quiet!"**

 **GIR's eyes turn red as he salutes Zim. Zim creeps over to the Voot Cruiser and glances around stealthily. He activates the disguise program. The Voot Cruiser reconfigures itself so that it is set up to create the disguises. Two poles emerge from the ship which creates a hologram in between them that displays an image of Zim. The computer sorts through possible disguises.**

" **Too ugly!**

" **Too stinky!"**

 **The next disguise is Zim wearing contact lenses and a toupee.**

" **That one looks good!"**

 **Zim selects that disguise. Two pods from the Voot Runner close on Zim making an egg shape when interlocked. Light pours out of the crevice where the two pods meet.**

" **Guh! Why does it hurt!?" The two panels open, revealing the disguised Zim. GIR looks around.**

"Wait, what?!" Red exclaims, snacks spewing out of his mouth.

"Where did you get those snacks?" Purple asked him.

"I dunno, somewhere."

"And you didn't share?"

"Here, have some now."

Purple takes a handful of snacks.

"Now back to business, where were we?" Red says. He thinks for a moment and then seems to remember. "What?! That can't be your disguise."

"I know, it seems to perfect to be true, right?" Zim says proudly.

"Umm, something like that." Red says awkwardly. "And the humans really didn't notice anything was up?" 

"Nope."

"Wow, and you're sure you said they were tall?"

"So what's that thing on your head?" Purple asked. "It's weird." 

"I believe they call it "hair"." Zim explains. "As far as I can see it serves no purpose. It is ugly, isn't it?"

Both Tallest nod in agreement. They look over a where Dib is lying.

"So, it really does nothing?"

"Yeah, I burnt it all off once because I thought it would cause him pain. He was mad, but not writhing in agony." 

Purple's expression turns curious. Grabbing a handful of Dib's signature scythe hair, he yanks.

"YOOOUUUCHCHHHH!" Dib screams, jolted out of unconsciousness. "What was that for?"

"I thought you said he couldn't feel it?" Red said accusingly to Zim. 

"Let me try, you probably just did it wrong." Zim reaches for the hair but Dib swats him away.

"Leave me alone, that hurt!"

"It did?" Zim's eyes light up and he reaches for the hair once again.

Red grabs Zim and sets him in the corner of the room.

"Now stay here!" He commands. "Dub is busy coming up with plans to destroy you and can't be disturbed!"

" **Master? Where did you go? Where are you?"**

" **I'm right here, GIR! It's me!" Zim says gleefully. "And keep it down, do you wanna wake up the whole planet?"**

" **I dooo."**

" **Okay, for you, I'm thinking maybe a dog."**

" **Can I be a mongoose dog?"**

"What is a mongoose?" Purple asks.

"It's-" Dib starts to explain, then pauses. "I actually have no idea."

 **The disguise program goes through several breeds of dogs before Zim selects one.**

" **Today, we become... the enemy!" Zim says dramatically.**

 **Zim places GIR between the closing pods. They shut on him and light pours out of the crevice where the two panels meet. The pods open to reveal the poorly disguised GIR. His dog suit looks nothing like the one Zim chose and is green.**

" **Ingenious!" Zim exclaims. "Now, all we need is a home. Let's see."**

 **Zim pulls out a capsule, which unfolds as an electronic pad complete with pen. Zim doodles a house on it.**

" **Some windows, a couple of little animal things in front." He loudly mutters before exclaiming. "There!"**

 **Zim closes the electronic pad into a capsule with a drill. He sticks the capsule into the ground.**

" **GIR! Hide!"**

 **GIR's feet squeak as they run out into the street. Zim hides behind a fire hydrant and GIR stands in the street.**

" **AND BE QUIET!" Zim loudly yells. "We can't afford to make a sound!" The capsule bores deeper and deeper into the ground before it stops. It unfolds into a fan shape and shoots mechanical tentacles in all directions. The tentacles reach the surface and lift the Voot Runner into the air.**

 **A platform forms under the Voot Runner as dirt falls to the ground. A metal hub pops out of the ground and two poles shoot out on either side of the hub. The hub opens up and light pours out. A compact pink couch pops out of the hub and flies into the air. The couch unfolds and hits the ground. Four poles stand from the ground. The poles shoot tentacles that interlock to form a box.**

 **The tentacles that lifted the Voot Runner in the air form a wire frame of the interior of the house. The four poles shoot out beams of light that fill in the gaps between the poles. The beams of light then become solid walls complete with windows, a door, and other accessories. Two panels come out of the top of the house which close over the Voot Runner and interlock to form the roof.**

 **A large hub forms on the right side of the roof. Out of this hub, a mechanical arm forms. The arm becomes a satellite. A few large tentacles shoot out of the left and the right of the house and latch on to the houses on both sides. They grip tightly and bore into the walls of the neighboring homes. In one house, a man sits in an armchair drinking a beer and watching television.**

 **The hole where the big tentacle penetrated from the other side is visible. Out of the hole, many smaller tentacles swarm into the house. The man watches as one of the tentacles attaches to his light fixture and drains it of energy. Below Zim's house, a lab full of Irken computers and technology forms. Back at the surface, lights on Zim's house flicker on as wooden fences sprout around the house. 4 lawn gnomes, 2 puffer fish, and 1 flamingo sprout in Zim's lawn.**

"Huh, I've always wondered how the house sprouted out of nowhere." Dib said. "How did that tiny thing grow into that huge house though?"

"What I'm wondering is how he got one." Red said. "It's a very expensive piece of equipment.

"All Invaders receive one." Zim said, once again surprising the group. Nobody had noticed him leave his spot in the corner.

"Zim!' Purple exclaimed. "Go back to the corner!"

Zim was about to obey when Red raised a hand to stop him.

"Wait, first explain it. I'm curious." He said. "I thought we… forgot to give you one."

"Well," Zim started. "I borrowed one when I noticed it was missing."

"What do you mean, "borrowed"?" Purple said slowly.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 _Flashback_

 _Zim saw the capsule sticking out of the other Invader's pack._

" _Hmmmmm…" Zim looked at his own supplies. Sure enough, he didn't have one._

" _Sorry, thank you, bye!" He yelled as he snatched it and sprinted the other way."_

 _::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::_

"And you didn't think that he might have needed that?!" Red exclaimed.

"Hey, isn't Unilatopalka on trial right now for stealing that capsule?" The Tallest exchanged looks. Oh.

"Well, I'm sure he will be deemed innocent."

"Hey, wait." Dib said in an irritated voice. "How come you can remember a name like Unilatapolka but you can't remember mine?"

"First of all, it's Unilatopalka not Unilatapolka." Purple corrected. "Second of all, we do know your name."

"Oh yeah? Then what is it?" 

"Dom, of course!"

Dib shook his head in exasperation.

 **The lights in other houses in the neighborhood turn on as they wake up from the disturbance. Car alarms are turned off. Some of Zim's new neighbors look outside to see what is going on. Zim grabs GIR by the leash and drags him along towards the house while whistling and acting as if nothing happened. GIR gets up and starts skipping ahead of Zim as they walk past a sign in Zim's lawn that says I love Earth. When they get to the door, it flies open and the roboparents greet them.**

" **Welcome home, son!" The robots say together. The door closes behind them and Zim relaxes once the coast is clear.**

"Wait, how did anybody not notice that?" Dib questions. "There were sirens going off everywhere!"

"Notice what?" Purple asks.

"Never mind."

" **Wooooo! Step one went smoothly!"**

 **They walk across the living room where a picture of a green monkey hangs. They walk into the kitchen over to the trashcan. GIR steps on the pedal that opens it and Zim climbs inside. An elevator takes him down to the underground portion of the house. Unlike the above levels of the house which look human, the underground lab is purely Irken.**

" **The Tallest were wise to choose me. This planet won't know what hit it after I've learned its weaknesses..." Zim says before crying out. "OH, these lenses are all scratchy!"**

 **The elevator drops him into a chair facing a computer. Zim proceeds to type with the keyboard.**

Dib was on the edge of his seat. He scribbled notes furiously. He had never seen that room before, and who knew what else he would find out if he kept watching. The Irkens wouldn't even know what hit them! 

Dib paused. He was in a room with the Irken leaders. This was a prime opportunity to take them out! However, after a moment he thought better of it. Who knew what tricks they had, he was in the heart of enemy territory. He would take advantage of the situation and when things were in his favor, then he would strike!

" **Now, to find the best possible way of "learning" about this sad, filthy little planet." He decided then spoke with disgust. "The more we know, the sooner we can conquer this spinning ball of... filthy, er-er-er, dirt!"**

 **Zim's computer displays an image of the Skool.**

 **The screen cuts to the classroom, presumably some time later. Ms. Bitters stands at the front and Zim stands next to her.**

" **Class, I would like to introduce the newest, hopeless appendage to the student body. His name is... Zim." Ms. Bitters says." Zim, if you have something to say, say it now, because after this moment, I don't wanna hear another sound from you!"**

 **Zim: Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm baby. As Zim talks, his classmates look bored and uninterested except for Dib who points and stares with his mouth agape. Sara picks her nose.**

Purple bursts out laughing. Everyone looks at him oddly.

"I'm sorry, it's just your expression!" Purple explains, wiping a tear of laughter from his eye.

Dib blushed. Seeing it on video made him realize that he did look a bit ridiculous.

" **You have nothing, absolutely nothing to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine."**

" **Take your seat now, Zim." The teacher commands. "Today's lecture is about outer space, and how it will eventually implode in on itself!"**

 **Zim walks with his arms outstretched to an empty desk in the front row. He stands on his desk with both arms up.**

" **Yes, Zim?" Ms. Bitters asks, seeing his attempts to get her attention.**

" **In the event of, say, a full-scale alien invasion, how prepared do you think this planet's defenses would be? Tell me!"**

" **As I was saying, the universe is just doomed." Ms. Bitters continued, ignoring the question. "Doomed, doomed, doooooomed!"**

 **A bug crawls across her face. Ms. Bitters continues to say 'doomed' over and over.**

" **Okay, am I the only one here who sees the alien sitting in class?" The students look around.**

" **There!" Dib exclaims. Zim is looking nervous. "Right there!"**

" **That is no kid! He's an alien! An alien! One of the monsters I've been talking about!" Dib continues. "He's here to conquer Earth!"**

 **Zim nervously moves his finger towards a self-destruct button on his sleeve.**

Purple looked up eagerly at the screen.

"Don't get your hopes up, if he pressed it he wouldn't be here today." Red whispered to him, seeing his expression. Purple slumped back down in disappointment.

"Why would you need a self destruct button?" Dib asked.

"For lots of reasons." Purple explained. "If-"

"He's trying to learn our secrets so he can DOOM US ALL!" Zim pleaded, gripping Purple's arm. "He's pulling tricky mind-tricking tricks on our superior minds!

"As I was saying," Purple continued, prying Zim off of him. "Lots of reasons. Like if an Invader's cover is blown and they are captured for questioning they can blow themselves up as a last resort to protect the empire."

Dib thought that it was awfully weird that they would go so far to protect their secrets when they were letting him watch them on a big screen. It was almost as if they wanted him to foil their attempt at taking over the Earth.

" **Aw, not this again." Zita says, leaning on Zim's chair. "You're crazy!"**

 **Zim relaxes and the self-destruct button disappears.**

" **What about his horrible green head!?"**

" **Insolent fool boy!" Zim shrieks, then in a quieter voice says. "It's a skin condition."**

" **And he's got no ears! Is that part of your "skin condition", Zim?" Dib points out accusingly. "No ears?"**

 **Dib gets in Aki's face, pointing to his own ears. Zim puts on an innocent and embarrassed face.**

" **Yes."**

"Hey Zim, didn't you say they were tall?" Red realized. "These humans are dumb, but not tall." 

"Hey!" Dib's protests on being called dumb were ignored.

"That's because they are smeets." Zim explained. He sounded almost normal until he spat out. "Stupid, worthless wretched pig filthies of …. of filthiness!"

"Yeah, don't you remember?" Purple told Red. "There were bigger humans poking their heads out of the windows earlier, and the teacher."

"Oh yeah!" Red realized.

" **Man, Dib." Tae says with disapproval. "You think that just 'cause someone looks different, you can call them an alien?"**

" **I guess Old Kid's an alien too, huh?"**

" **How's it goin'?" Old kid asks.**

" **Okay, see this is us-" Dib uses a pointer to point to a sketch on the chalkboard of a man labeled 'Normal Human Being'. "-Now over here, over here is Zim. See the difference? Anyone? Anyone? Questions?**

' **Yeah, what's wrong with you? All you talk about is aliens and ghosts and seeing Bigfoot in your garage!"**

" **He was using the belt sander..."**

" **Yeah, he's always saying stuff." Zim rambles. "I remember that one time, whoo!"**

" **Hey! You just got here!" Dib accuses. "Don't let him trick you! I know what I'm talking about, and there it is... sitting right there!"**

" **Well, he does look... pretty weird."**

" **Yeah! And he is sitting!"**

" **Ya see? Actual proof that all the things I've been saying are actually right!" Dib says excitedly. "Finally, a way to prove that I'm, that I'm..."**

" **That I'm crazy!" Zim finished in s mocking version of Dib's voice.**

" **Okay, now that makes sense!"**

" **Man, we almost believed him!"**

" **Doom, doom, doom." Ms. Bitters commands. "Go home now!"**

"Wait, that's it?" Red said. "Isn't that a school? What did you learn?" 

"Wait, are you supposed to learn at skool?" Zim asked in confusion. "I thought it was a method of torture."

 **The bell rings and students rush out of the Skool. Some students climb out of the windows to escape. Zim pauses in front of the Skool then proceeds to slowly walk down the steps. The doors open behind him and Dib appears.**

" **Zim." Dib says maliciously. "Maybe your cruddy little disguise worked on everyone else, but I'll get them to see the truth."**

" **No one will believe you." Zim points out.**

 **Dib: They'll believe if I bring you to them without your disguise!**

 **Dib slides down the side railings of the steps and lands in front of Zim. He pulls out a pair of advanced handcuffs.**

" **I ordered this from one of my U.F.O. zines." Dib said, and opens the handcuffs.**

" **Oh, it's pretty. What is it?"**

" **Alien sleep cuffs, guaranteed to render all alien life forms unconscious."**

"What?!" Red yelled. "How did you get those?"

"I ordered them from one of my magazines, why?"

"The only planet that makes them is Planet Trumpsup, and they hoard them like floopsnoorps!" Purple explains. "I just don't get how such a primitive planet could figure out how to replicate them when we couldn't."

"Well, they didn't really work." Dib said in embarrassment. "I ordered another pair but it turned out they were just a scam."

The Irkens nodded in understanding. Though Earth was very different from Irk, scams were pretty common throughout the galaxy.

" **How do you know it works if you never found an alien before?"**

" **I'm gonna find out right now!" Dib yells as he leaps at Zim.**

 **Zim jumps just in time and lands on top of Dib. Zim runs as Dib chases. They both run into Olivia, knocking her over.**

" **Leave me alone!" Zim yells. "I just wanna go home and be all normal!"**

 **Zim jumps through an open window of an open car door and then out into the street. Zim knocks into the crossing guard. The crossing guard spins around and accidentally hits Dib with his stop sign. Zim smiles and runs into an alleyway. Zim jumps on a tire and grabs a pair of pants hanging on a clothesline. He slides down the clothesline, knocking off all the other clothes.**

 **Dib appears at the other end of the alleyway in front of Zim. Zim lets go of the pants and hits a box of oranges, knocking Dib over. Zim goes into the street and is almost hit by a car. The car stops and honks at Zim, but Zim climbs to the top of the car. He hops from car to car was Dib follows bellow on the sidewalk. Zim climbs to the top of a fake ice cream cone on top of an ice cream truck which is playing a strange voice with even stranger words.**

 **Dib laughs maniacally. A skool bus stops beside the ice cream truck to drop off students. Zim jumps from the ice cream truck to the skool bus. Dib also climbs the skool bus. Zim backs up as Dib approaches him. Zim almost falls off the bus from backing up too far. He hangs halfway off the bus.**

" **They might even name your autopsy video after MEEE!"**

Purple looked at Dib oddly before carefully scooted away from him. He could understand wanting Zim dead, but dissecting him? That was a bit creepy, not to mention extremely gross.

 **The bus starts moving again and Zim loses his grip. He flies through the air and lands on top of a metal fence while making a painful noise.**

" **Ha! See ya, Dib!" Zim calls. "Pitiful human!"**

 **Suddenly, a dog jumps out of the bushes behind the fence and bites down on Zim' head, pulling him down. One of Zim's boots flies through the air and lands on the fence. The skool bus passes by and Dib jumps off onto the fence, kicking Zim's boot off the fence. He looks into the bushes for Zim, but he doesn't notice that Zim is crawling out of the bushes down below.**

 **He is obviously in pain. He puts his boot back on. Zim looks up and sees that Dib is still on the top of the fence looking for Zim in the bushes. Zim pushes Dib into the bushes so that the dog will attack him. Zim stands on the fence as a personal communicator attached to a robotic arm unfolds from his Pak. Zim contacts GIR on the communicator.**

" **GIR! Help me!" Zim commands in panic. "There isn't much time!"**

" **Yes, sir!"**

 **Almost instantly, the disguised GIR arrives using his jetpack. Zim hops down from the fence.**

" **Get me out of here now, GIR! Now!"**

" **Okey dokey!" GIR flies underneath Zim and forces him into the air. Zim grips GIR by the ears as they fly off.**

" **Hey, wait a minute, what the-?" Zim screams. "Ahhhhhh!"**

 **Dib crawls out of the bushes looking disheveled. He brightens up as he realizes he can follow the smoke trail GIR's jetpack has created. Zim screams as he and GIR rocket towards the house. They smack into the door and fall to the ground. They slowly get up. Zim looks badly beaten and has a twig in his wig.**

" **Good work, GIR!"**

" **There you are." Dib emerges from the smoke trail.**

"Wait, how did you-"Red asks before seeing that evidentially nobody else noticed anything odd. "Never mind."

" **Quick! Get in the house, GIR! Hurry!" The door opens and the robo-parents greet them.**

" **Welcome home, son!" The door shuts behind them and Dib runs up and pounds on it.**

" **Your little tricks won't fool me, Zim! I know where you live now!" Dib sticks his head up against the window.**

" **Oh, your friend's at the window!" GIR chirped.**

" **You can't hide forever! And if you can, then I'll wait forever!"**

 **Lasers pop out of the pupils of one of the lawn gnomes. The aiming system zooms in Dib's sleep cuffs.**

" **I've been preparing for this all my life!"**

 **A laser bolt from the lawn gnome obliterates the cuffs.**

" **Okay... I'm going to go home now and prepare some more!" Dib calls out. "I'll be back, and from here to the ends of the Earth," Dib continues to talk outside the door.**

" **I feel good about how today went." Zim tells GIR.**

 **The screen changes to display the inside of the Massive.**

" **Incoming transmissions from... Earth." A large view screen displays the word 'Earth.' Red sips on a soda.**

" **What is... Earth?" Purple asks in confusion.**

 **The large view screen displays Zim (out of disguise). As he talks, GIR, who is also out of disguise, peeps his head in from the top.**

" **Invader Zim reporting, sirs. The mission goes well." Red drops his soda and Purple stares with his mouth agape. "But surely you expected that from me."**

" **Zim... You're alive!?"**

" **Yes. So very alive." Zim tells his leaders. "And full of goo. Mission gooo! Don't be surprised if I take care of the humans before the armada even gets here! Well, I've much work to do, so: Invader Zim, signing off!"**

 **GIR falls from his perch, knocking Zim down.**

" **Oh, my spine!" The transmission fades. Red and Purple glance at each other in disbelief. The episode ends as the screen goes into static, then darkness.**

"Well that was weird."

::::::::::::::::::  
Meanwhile at the Membrane Residence…..

Gaz glanced up at the clock. It had been an hour since Dib had left to go annoy Zim. He had probably been captured and was going through unbearable pain right now. Oh well, she had better things to do than tell his loser friends from that weird society.

The battery icon in the corner of her screen was blinking red. Gaz reached out for the nearest case of batteries, she kept them all over the house so they would always be nearby when she needed one.

She grabbed a couple and replaced the old ones in her Game-Slave. The container was empty so she would have to replace it later- wait, that wasn't right. Surely there had been more batteries than that in it earlier? She looked over to the pile of dead batteries which was growing beside her. Sure enough, there were not enough of them there for it to be empty. Suddenly Gaz realized what had happened.

"DIB!" Gas yelled in fury. Uh oh.

Wow, finally finished that chapter!

Did anyone understand what I meant water not hurting them? Also, should I keep Dib or have him go in the next chapter? Anyone have an opinion on that?

If you have any ideas or suggestions just let me know and if I can make them fit then I would love to incorporate them!

I know I've said it a million times but reviews and favorites mean so much to me! It only takes a few seconds, and it makes my day! :)


	3. Bestest Friend

Hi guys, I'm back with another chapter! Thanks so much to all of my wonderful reviewers, I read every single one and it never fails to put a smile on my face!

I guess Dib is pretty popular because everybody thinks he should stay, so you guys should get to see plenty more of him. Thanks to everyone who gave their opinions, they really matter and helped me decide which direction to drive the story.

Disclaimer: This is a fanfiction which uses characters and settings from the Invader Zim series. I do not own Invader Zim and make no profit from writing this story.

 _Last Time on My Life is a Cartoon_

 _She grabbed a couple and replaced the old ones in her Game-Slave. The container was empty so she would have to replace it later- wait, that wasn't right. Surely there had been more batteries than that in it earlier? She looked over to the pile of dead batteries which was growing beside her. Sure enough, there were not enough of them there for it to be empty. Suddenly Gaz realized what had happened._

 _"DIB!" Gas yelled in fury. Uh oh._

"Yeah, that was a bit weird."

"Am I forgetting something?" Dib asked, scrunching his brow. "I feel like I am forgetting something. Something important."

"How would I know, I'm not in your head." Red informs him. "Though I could probably fit in it."

"Hey, I take offense in that!" Dib complained, but nobody took notice.

"So wait, shouldn't we be gone by now?" Red asked. "We watched the video, weird as it was. Wasn't that what the creepy voice wanted?"

"Maybe it needs a living sacrifice." Purple suggested. "But who-"

"Why are you all staring at me?" Zim asks. They all jump up to grab him, but Zim leaps behind the couch. Only to find himself face to face with Keef.

"Hi buddy, how's it going?" Keef asks.

"AHHHHHH!" Zim screams. "How did you get in here?!"

"Well…."

 _Flashback_

It was a Tuesday, so Keef knew what that meant. Every Tuesday he tried to get in to see his bestest friend, Zim. He also tried every Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Keef and Zim always played pretend during the school day. Zim pretended not to know Keef and vice versa. It was a fun game (anything to do with Zim was fun in Keef's opinion), but Keef had lots of other games he wanted to play with Zim like hopscotch and pin the tail on the donkey.

However, Zim's security system kept malfunctioning. For this reason, whenever Keef tried to approach the house he got zapped. He had just emerged from the coma his latest attempt had caused, so he knew exactly what he wanted to do now that he was conscious and had stopped vomiting. He wanted to visit Zim, of course.

He skipped down the sidewalk, giddy with excitement. This was going to be great! He closed his eyes, imagining all of the fun things they would do together. See a movie, go ice skating, maybe even go to a amu-

"Oof!" Keef had walked right into a scary looking girl. She looked down at him in disdain.

"Watch it, loser. I don't have time to deal with you."

"Sorry, I was on my way to see my bestest friend, Zim." Keef apologized. "I was so excited, I didn't notice you were there."

"You're going to see Zim?" Gaz asked with a raised eyebrow. "You must be that creepy kid who stalks Zim. Keef, right?"

"Right!" Keef answered enthusiastically.

"Well, Keef." Gaz informed him. "I'm going to Zim's house too. Just stay out of my way and I won't have to make your life a waking nightmare."

"You're going to Zim's house too? That's great!" He squealed. "We can all be friends!"

Gaz just sighed and continued walking. Keef tagged along, chattering all the way. The robot lawn gnomes tried to stop them, but Gaz sidestepped the lasers like it was nothing and the system backfired, the lasers missing the humans and hitting the lawn gnomes instead. Keef happily strolled down the now laser free path, following the scary girl with the purple hair.

"Wait, the Dibsister?" Zim asked in confusion. "What does she have to do with anything?"

Meanwhile, over with the Tallest and Dib, things were not nearly as exciting. The Tallest were making conversation and Dib was standing to the side. This might have been awkward for him if he wasn't so busy taking notes.

"Really?"

"Yeah, it's true!" Red told Purple. "I heard it from Izep!"

"But how could shoes make you tal- COLD UNFEELING ROBOT ARM, WHAT IS THAT?"

"I think it's a human, but looking at it sends chills of unnatural fear running down my spine!" Red said, shivering.

"DIB!" Gaz called out, her voice ringing like the sound of thunder. "You have committed a crime punishable by death! How do you plead?"

"What?!" Dib asked. "What is my crime?"

"You have committed an atrocious act of unspeakable evil!" Gaz explains, her voice sending chills to everyone in the room. Even Keef's smile drooped a little. "You have… stolen my batteries to use in your stupid video camera!"

Thunder rings out and lightning flashes behind Gaz.

"How is that even possible, we are indoors an- MMMPPPP" Red smothers Purples mouth with his arm. Now was not the time.

"But… But…" Dib protested before something occurred to him. "Wait, I completely forgot about my camera! I need to g-"

"DIB!"

"But Gaz," Dib whines. "Zim doesn't have his ridiculous costume on, I'm inside his base, and his leaders are here! I NEED to get footage! Besides, you have hundreds of batteries."

"Now, to carry out your sentence." Gaz said mercilessly. Dib cowered. He didn't think his sister would really carry out the death sentence but you never knew with Gaz. He had grabbed the batteries because every second was valuable, and he didn't want to waste any waiting in line at the store.

"However, because Dad made me sign this contract saying I wouldn't murder you or cause you any major harm until you are 21." Gaz growled and muttered to herself while Dib sighed in relief. "Still don't know why I signed that. Anyways, I'm going to do the next best thing."

"Oooh, ooh!" Zim called out, raising his hand like he was in skool.

"Yes Zim?" Gaz asked grumpily.

"Can you dip him in acid? Infested with piranhas? No, SHARKS. DIP HIM IN PIRANHA SHARK DOOM ACID!" Zim erupted into a fit of malicious and evil cackles.

Dib felt Gaz's eyes on him, judging him. Sweat dripped down his face as he let loose a nervous chuckle."

"Now Gaz, I'm your brother, so mayb-"

"SILENCE!" Everything fell silent. Even Zim stopped his maniacal laughter.

"Now as I was saying, I'm going to do the next best thing." Gaz said with a malicious grin. "I'm going to break that stupid camera!"

"No, you can't!" Dib yelled, clutching the device to his chest. "I need this!"

Obviously, that didn't go well for Dib. Right after Gaz finished reclaiming the batteries inside the camera, a bolt of lightning came down and incinerated it.

Dib gasped. How was that even possible? They were indoors!

Gaz went to the corner to play her GameSlave in peace and Dib curled up in a ball and rocked back and forth, mourning the loss of his camera and more importantly the perfect chance to expose Zim. After a brief period of awkward silence from the Irkens, the video resumed.

 **Zim sits alone at a table in the cafeteria. He scoops up a single pea with his spoon from his tray and sniffs. He gasps and holds the pea as far away from himself as his arms will allow, then dumps it back with the rest of the peas. Big Moose Kid walks by Zim's table and slips on some mashed potatoes lying on the ground. To regain balance, Big Moose Kid puts his hand on the back of Zim's head, pushing Zim into his food tray. Big Moose Kid walks on. Zim lifts his head up, his mouth stuffed with peas. He screams and spits, and then starts spasming on the table. Students look at him, then walk on.**

" **That new kid's a freak. I think his name is Zip or something." Jessica tells her friends. Zim hears her and lifts his head up to eavesdrop on the conversation. "He's been here long enough to at least make some loser friends, like the creepy kid, Dib."**

 **Dib looks up from where he was sitting with Gaz, who is playing her GameSlave and raises an eyebrow at being called creepy.**

" **Or those rejects in the corner." She continues, motioning at Gretchen, Keef, Melvin, Dirge, and Matthew P. Mathers III who are gathered around a table in the corner. "But look at him, all by himself! I mean, what kind of kid doesn't have any friends? It's so… inhuman."**

 **The word echoes in Zim's head and he gets a worried look on his face. He imagines himself in a cylindrical tank, out of his disguise, while three scientists stand in front of it. The press is gathered around the scientists.**

" **Congratulations on discovering the grotesque space monster! Tell us, how did you know he was an alien?"**

" **Well, we noticed he had no friends."**

"Could that really happen?" Red asked nobody in particular.

"Nah, Zim's just a paranoid creep." Gaz answers.

"No, I'm NOT!" Zim protested before turning to a random piece of ham lying on the floor. "You again! Did they send you? Are you SPYING on me?"

Zim's voice grows more frantic. The others look at him in surprise. Even Dib stops rocking back and forth to look up at Zim. "Well, you'll never find out! I'll never let you." Zim's voice grows borderline hysterical. "DIE!"

Zim tackles the ham. Purple whistles innocently. Red looks at him in suspicion.

"What did you do?"

"Nothing." Purple replies innocently. Red gives a sceptical grunt and the video resumes.

 **Cameras and microphones close in on the scientists. Zim is snapped out of his dream and gasps in horrified realization.**

 **He looks to a table and sees Lizard Boy give two other kids a cupcake and they accept him as their friend. He sees Zooglodon and Rob lick the same lollipop. Zim grunts and looks to another table where Mary and another student pass a ball over the table, back and forth. Zim sees Penny and Olivia spell out the word 'friends' in string. Zim looks to the table where Dib and Gaz are sitting. Dib squints his eyes menacingly. Zim's eyes go wide with a pop as he looks back at the corner where the rejected students are. Zim approaches Dirge.**

" **I'm looking for a friend. Would you be-"**

" **I was born with webbed fish toes... like some kind of horrible fish boy. Wanna see?"**

The Tallest shudder in horror. "What about that, is that possible?"

"I've never seen that kid's feet, but I'm not coming close enough to find out." Dib –who was pretending the rocking had never happened- said in disgust.

"Whiners." Gaz mumbled from the corned.

 **One of Dirge's eyes widens. Zim backs away slowly in fear. Zim approaches Matthew pointing.**

 **Zim: Would you-**

 **Matthew screams and runs away.**

" **Squeally fools! These human filthies should be honoured to even be considered as possible friends of Zim!"**

 **Zim looks to where Gretchen, Melvin, and Keef stand.**

" **Who among you feels they are worthy enough to be my best friend?"**

 **The three of them smile.**

" **Good. I have devised some simple tests to determine who is the worthiest."**

 **Zim grabs a carton of milk laying on the table. Zim pours the milk so that a puddle of it is on the table.**

" **We begin by testing your absorbency."**

 **Zim rubs Gretchen's head against the puddle, she grunts.**

" **Hey!"**

 **Gretchen grunts again. Zim lets her get up and milk drips off her face. Zim grabs Melvin by the collar and then shoves his head into the puddle. Zim then grabs Keef by the collar and shoves his head into the puddle. The milk is absorbed into Keef's head.**

" **Next, I test your electrical conductivity."**

 **Zim pulls out two extending conductive rods which create a line of electricity in between them. Zim holds them above the heads of the three students. Light flashes through the cafeteria as the screams of the kids are heard. Melvin and Gretchen are burned to a crisp, but Keef was unaffected.**

" **And now, the final test."**

 **Zim pulls out a beaver and a toy taxi from behind his back and approaches the students. Horrible noises and screams are heard and much time passes as indicated by a clock. Melvin and Gretchen sit at the table in pain, still looking burned, while Keef stands at Zim's side with only a few specks of dirt.**

Dib gasps in horror. Those poor kids!

"How could nobody have noticed what was happening?" Dib asks with a tone of shock in his voice. "How could I have not noticed what was happening?!"

"You were unconscious." Gaz says bluntly.

"Wait what?" Dib says. "I don't remember going unconscious."

"That's because it gave you amnesia."

 _Flashback_

" _Zim just looked at me Gaz, I know he's up to something. I just know it!"_

" _Be quiet, Dib." Gaz grunted. "I'm almost to level 32 and I don't need you messing this up for me."_

" _But seriously, what is he up to?" Dib continued. "He's thinking of something, I can see it in his eyes! His evil, alien…. EVIL eyes!"_

" _Shut up."_

" _But… but. The evil eyes!"_

 _Gaz had had enough. She pulled a frying pan out from behind her back and nails Dib on the head. He falls down in an almost comical manner and one of his teeth falls out. Gaz continues to play her Game-Slave as if nothing had happened._

 _Flashback Ends_

"And that's what happened. When you woke up you thought your name was Dirt and that you were an elephant." Gaz finished. "Now, leave me alone unless you want it to happen again."

"Wow." Dib muttered. He gladly obliged.

"Wait, your name isn't Dirt?" Purple asked in confusion.

" **We have a winner! What is your name, friend?"**

" **My name's Keef!" He says enthusiastically. "Wow, I've never won anything before! I promise I'll be the best, most loyal friend ever!"**

 **Keef hugs Zim. Keef's eyes water.**

" **I'm so happy." He says gleefully.**

 **Zim uses his finger to push Keef away.**

" **Don't touch me." Zim says coldly before he drags Keef over to the table where Jessica sits.**

" **I'd like you all to meet Keef." Zim lifts Keef up by the back of his collar. Keef waves. "He's my best friend."**

" **Not yours! Mine!" Zim says, setting Keef down.**

" **Get lost, you losers!"**

" **Very well. I am going to get lost. But notice I am getting lost with my best friend."**

 **Zim drags Keef away. Later, in the playground, Zim and Keef play tetherball against Zooglodon. He serves the ball and Zim uses Keef as a bat to hit it. The ball knocks Zooglodon down and ties around the pole. They do a bizarre victory dance that involves hopping around each other. Students at the jungle gym stare in bewilderment.**

 **In art class, Zim walks over to a table where some students are painting, sculpting, and making things and shows off a drawing of Keef and himself that looks like a third grader drew it. Keef and Zim are labeled on the picture and the word 'friends!' is written underneath. Keef pops out from behind Zim and shows off a painting with Keef and Zim's heads instead of the heads of the usual mother and baby. The students at the table just stare. Zim looks annoyed.**

"Hey wait." Red says slowly in realization. "Where is the creepy kid anyways?"

"Oh, he is fine." Zim said. He had apparently finished tussling with the ham –which was now nowhere in sight- but he had suffered for it. He was having a huge allergic reaction.

Purple and Red turned away in disgust at Zim's appearance, but Dib could not be so easily deterred.

"What did you do to the creepy kid, Zim?!" Dib said accusingly. "I know you did something."

"I don't know what you're talking about." Zim said innocently before flashing an evil grin. "Besides, you would never find where I hid him."

"You do know I can hear you right."

"Lies!"

"Hey Zim, can I come down now?" A voice came from above their heads. "I'm kind of scared of heights."

Keef was attached to the cealing. The only reason he hadn't fallen was that his shirt was snagged on a rough bit of one of the pipes on the ceiling. Dib watched in horror as the shirt began to rip.

"No, Keef." Zim commanded. "You stay right there and stop talking."

"Ok, anything for you Zim!"

"Zim!" Dib yelled. "Get that kid down right now!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." Zim saw that everyone was looking at Keef. "Ok, maybe I do but, why should I?"

Even if Zim had listened to Dib it was too late. The shirt could not hold him up any longer and Keef fell. Dib ran to intercept him. He was too late. Luckily though, Keef did land on something soft.

"Zim, you saved me!' Keef cried out. He had landed on Zim, pinning him to the floor. "You're the best bestest friend ever!"

Zim shoved Keef off in disgust. What was it with him and getting crushed by falling people today?

 **Later, they walk together down a hallway, smiling, waving, and giving thumbs ups to the students as they pass by. Keef accidentally bumps Zim so Zim shoves Keef. Later, they are seen outside of Zim's house.**

" **And then tomorrow there's the circus!" Keef tells Zim. "We can go to the circus, I love the circus! You wanna go to the circus, Zim?"**

" **I want to congratulate you, Keef, on a job well done. You have been a most convincing friend, but now that the world seems satisfied with my knack for companionship, I don't think I'll be requiring your services any longer." Zim tells Keef. "Our mission together is done, good job soldier, be gone with you."**

"Wow, that was cold Zim." Purple comments. "Really cold."

"What?" Keef asks in confusion. "But Zim's the bestest friend ever!"

Red shakes his head in pity for the poor, stupid, ignorant earthling. No wonder Zim hadn't been caught yet.

 **Zim goes inside and almost closes the door when Keef speaks.**

" **Hey, you got any video games?"**

" **Yes.'**

 **Keef stands there. Zim shuts the door. Zim relaxes and sighs. Zim looks at the couch and sees that GIR, who is out of disguise, is sitting there, watching the Scary Monkey Show. The scary monkey growls.**

" **A job well done."**

 **A drawing of Keef and Zim is slid under the door with the words 'bestest friends' written on it. The phone rings. Zim picks up the phone.**

" **Hello?"**

" **Heya buddy, how ya doing?"**

" **Keef? I told you I do not require your-"**

" **I understand, Zim. I was thinking maybe you'd want to-"**

 **The phone beeps.**

" **Hold on, I've got another call."**

 **Zim presses a button on the phone and switches lines.**

" **Hello?"**

" **Heya buddy! You're gonna love the circus!"**

 **Zim lifts the phone away from his head fearfully. He yanks on the phone, pulling the phone out of the wall. Zim looks out the window and sees Keef riding a bike slowly past Zim's house. Zim stares slack jawed. As soon as Keef passes by, he suddenly passes again from the same direction. Zim rolls down the blinds.**

"Wait, what?" Dib stutters. "How? Didn't he just…"

"Ok, I'm getting a kind of creepy vibe from this." Red says nervously and Purple nods in agreement.

"About what?" Keef asks, inches away from Red's face.

"About you." Purple says bluntly. Keef just keeps grinning.

" **GIR!"**

 **GIR drops from the ceiling and lies on the floor. His eyes turn red and he salutes.**

" **Yes, my master!"**

 **Zim: GIR, I'm going down to the lab, do not let anyone into the house!**

" **Yes sir!" GIR stands up and salutes.**

 **Zim walks over to the toilet in his kitchen. The lid opens automatically and Zim steps in. He tugs on a cord and light pours down from the ceiling as he is flushed down into the lab. The doorbell rings. GIR's eyes go back to their normal colour.**

" **Leprechauns!"**

 **GIR leaps into the air and soars in a fighting stance. He kicks, spins, and does other fighting stances, before landing in his suit. He zips it up, flips the hood over his head, and puts a paw to the doorknob. Deep within the lab, Zim relaxes on his curved chair out of his disguise. He yawns and kicks back.**

"Hey Zim, I never knew your dog was a robot!" Keef told Zim enthusiastically. "That's so cool!"

"It's not cool." Dib corrects. "It's horrifying! Zim is an alien, and he has come to enslave us all!"

Zim shifts nervously on his feet.

"An… alien?" Keef says slowly. "That's… so… COOL!"

"Wait, you didn't figure this out before?" Purple asks. "I mean he's not wearing a disguise, we're here, and he has a secret underground base?"

"Wow Zim, I didn't know you could get more amazing!" Keef gushes. "Can you shoot acid from your eyes, or lasers?!"

"Ummm.."

"Eeeak!" Screamed Purple before nailing Keef with a familiar metal object. Keef's head is imprinted in it but he is unharmed, and continues to gush about Zim.

"Hey, that's mine." Zim says in annoyance. "You could have asked you know. Now you've broken it!"

The Tallest huddle together and whisper fearfully.

"Why did you do that?" Red hisses.

"He was freaking me out, that is not normal behaviour!" Purple defends. "And besides, I'm more concerned that there is not a scratch on him!"

 **The next morning, Zim rises from the toilet in disguise. He is shocked to find Keef at the stove cooking bacon as GIR sits at the table in his dog suit next to a plate of stacked waffles.**

" **Hey Zim!" Keef says. "You showed up just in time for the waffles!"**

 **GIR pounds his silverware against the table. Zim growls.**

" **Get out of my house!" Zim shrieks. "I told you you're fired!"**

" **You don't like waffles?"**

 **Zim pushes Keef towards the door. Keef still holds the skillet full of bacon.**

" **Out, out, out, out!"**

 **The door opens and Zim holds Keef in the air, ready to toss him.**

" **Oh, we can walk to skool together!"**

" **I'm sick. I'm not going to skool today." Zim says flatly.**

 **Zim tosses. Keef tumbles along the ground. GIR walks out and eats a piece of bacon from the skillet.**

" **Poor sick Zim, no wonder he's so sad!" Keef says, full of sympathy. "I have a great idea, GIR! I think we should throw our Zim a surprise party! It'll cheer him up!"**

 **GIR waves his "paws" in the air and squeals with joy.**

" **I'll get a bunch of kids and bring them over after skool. Now this is supposed to be a surprise, do you understand, GIR? A surprise!" Keef asks. "Zim can't find out!"**

" **Meow!"**

 **Zim sits on the couch as GIR enters with a bag of party stuff. Zim eyes GIR as he walks across the room trying to hide the bag behind him. In the kitchen, GIR tries setting the bag on the table but it tips over and the contents spill all over the place. GIR looks sad. Zim enters the room.**

Dib eyes the screen in confusion. The robot was actually going to do it? It must have a few screws loose in its head. Or maybe... somebody was making it act this way on purpose to sabotage Zim!

" **What are you doing, GIR?" He asks.**

" **Nothing."**

" **Nothing... or something?"**

" **Oh, I can't take it, you're too smart for me." GIR bawls. "Keef is planning a surprise party for after skool. He gonna bring all the kids because he loves you!**

Dib typed the idea in his computer, it was certainly worth considering. Even if it wasn't true Dib could probably hack it himself, which would definitely be useful. Then again, who knew what security protocols it had to prevent tampering. He was talking and advanced alien species after all.

 **GIR pounds the floor.**

" **That boy loves you so much!" GIR perks up suddenly. "I'm makin' the cake!"**

 **GIR skips off happily and begins to stir a bowl of cake batter.**

" **He's bringing all the children to our secret lair!?" Zim asks in horror. "Do you realize what this means?"**

" **Yes." GIR replies. "Wait a minute... no."**

" **It means our mission is in jeopardy!"**

" **Aw, man!" GIR says, then starts humming happily as he stirs.**

" **Something must be done about this Keef!" Zim decides. "If he succeeds the whole population of Earth will show up on our doorstep!"**

"Nothing but the best for you, Zim!" Keef said cheerfully before holding out a plate of chocolate chip cookies. "Cookie?"

Zim shuddered and pulled away. Dib –who was had skipped lunch and was starting to get really hungry- reached out to take a cookie. He was about to bite into it when a thought occurred to him

"Hey, where did you get these?"

Keef just shrugs. Dib eyed the cookie suspiciously then reluctantly decided he could bear the hunger. If Keef had found them lying around Zim's base, who knew what was wrong with them. If not –well- Dib was already preoccupied trying to figure out the creepy scene from the video as well as what was going on in the first place. He didn't need to add where the baked goods came from to the list of mysteries on his hands.

 **A bell rings in the skool. Keef walks past the tables in the cafeteria passing out party invitations to the students. He holds an invitation out to Jessica.**

" **Party after skool at Zim's house! Everybody's invited!"**

" **Who's Zim?" Jessica asks.**

" **He's the green kid." Keef informs her. "You know him."**

" **Oh, you mean the freak?" She replies cruelly. "With that one friend that makes him even freakier?"**

 **The students who got an invitation look towards Keef. Jessica laughs.**

" **I don't think so."**

 **Keef sadly lowers the invitation. Everyone else crumples their invitations and throws them at Keef.**

Purple starts bawling. Gaz looks at him in disgust, and all the others in confusion.

"What's wrong Purple?" Red asks.

"It's just so sad!" Purple explains, wiping a tear from his eye. "He's so lonely!"

Red thwacks him in the back of the head.

"Hey, what was that for?" Purple protests.

"For being stupid."

"It was a really sad moment!"

"Irken's don't cry, especially not the Tallest. So, suck it up."

"Shut up, you idiots." Gaz mutters from her corner. She had almost reached the twin piglets but the noise kept knocking her out of the zone. And besides, it wasn't that sad. Gaz grinded her teeth in frustration.

 **Keef looks to the corner where the rejected students sit and smiles. Deep in Zim's lab, Zim is suspended in the air by two straps. He holds some kind of welding tool which he uses on an unseen object.**

" **These humans and their filthy friendship! It brings nothing but trouble! I can see them now."**

 _ **Dream Sequence**_

 _ **Keef steps in a puddle holding a torch and walking to Zim's house. Other students and people follow behind, most of them holding torches. The reflections of smiling students are seen holding hands around the tube where Zim floats, who is out of disguise. His house looks surreal and everything looks different. Melvin and another student hop on the couch while adults and scientists dance. Zootch stands under a newly installed roller coaster. The roller coaster loops around Zim's house.**_

 _ **Students and adults hold hands in a circle around the tube where Zim is being held.**_

 **Zim shudders and continues working. At skool, the bell rings. The door opens up and Keef runs out, followed by Melvin, Gretchen, Dirge, and Matthew.**

" **Party!"**

 **Zim looks at a clock next to him which says '3:02.' Zim gasps and goes back to work.**

" **Paaaaarty!"**

 **Zim sweats as he struggles to complete his device.**

" **Paaaaaa-"**

 **GIR sings the doom song as he stirs the cake. Zim connects some wires. It cuts back to Keef, GIR, Zim, and back to Keef, GIR, Zim, Keef, GIR, and then back to Zim. Zim cuts a ribbon with a zapping device and looks at his creation which is wrapped as a present.**

"Hey, what's that?" Red asks. Zim looks up.

"Oh, that?" Zim explains. "That is what I believe humans call a "pre-set". It is a customary human show of friendship."

"It's a present, stupid." Dib says then asks. "And what are you doing with that anyways?"

" **Ah!"**

 **Suspended by the straps, Zim spins around and laughs maniacally, holding the gift. He chokes for a second, but then goes back to laughing. Outside, Keef and the others wait across the street.**

" **Okay, now you guys wait here while I get him. Then jump out and yell "surprise"!" Keef tells the others while waving his arms. "He'll be so happy!"**

 **Keef runs towards Zim's house.**

" **I've never been to a party before." Gretchen says with a laugh.**

" **Do they hurt?" Melvin asks nervously.**

 **Squirrels run away as Keef runs to Zim's door. He opens it.**

" **Hey Zim! I'm home!" Keef sees Zim standing there holding the gift.**

" **For me? Oh, you are my bestest friend!" Keef says gratefully. "Thank you, Zim!"**

Dib gasped. He knew Zim would never give anyone a present, so this must be a trap!

"NO! Don't do it!" Dib yells at the screen. "It's a trap!"

"You do know that this is just a video and not happening right now, right?" Red asks. Dib blushes.

"I don't remember you getting me a present Zim." Keef says in puzzlement, then perks up. "But seeing it on video is almost as good as getting it all over again. I love you so much!"

Keef leaps into Zim's arms and engulfs him in a giant hug. Zim throws him to the ground in disgust. Keef just smiles up at him.

 **Keef takes the gift and rips off the ribbons. The box opens and the camera pans to the wall, where we see shadows. The shadows of Keef and the present are there. Two mechanical arms which pop out of the box and grip onto Keef's eyes. Keef screams as it yanks them out and replaces them with new mechanical ones with red pupils.**

"WHAT ON IRK?" The Tallest wailed in unity. Dib threw up on the spot. Even Gaz looked mildly un-nerved. The only one who didn't seem concerned was Zim and oddly Keef.

"My Tallest, are you ok?" He asked in confusion.

"No, we are not ok!" Purple shrieked. "You tore his eyes out, Zim!"

"Wow Zim, you're amazing!" Keef told Zim. "Bestest friend ever!"

"Thank you, pitiful human, though I do not return those feelings whatsoever." Zim said. "In fact, I think you smell like a klarbsibarg and I hate your hair."

"What if I dyed it purple, would that help?"

"Nah, try green. Or maybe pink, pink is the colour of strength!"

"Umm, excuse me?" Purple asked in exasperation. "Am I missing something here? Aren't you upset at Zim?"

"But red is my favourite color!" Keef explained. "Much better then green. And I'm a cyborg now, so I basically have super powers now!"

Keef engulfed Zim in a big hug. Zim struggled with all of his might but the kid was somehow twice as strong as he looked. Eventually he managed to pry Keef off of himself with a shout of "Get off, you're getting pig smelly filth smell all over my precious uniform!"

The others stared at him in shock. Not only did the kid not care that Zim had… done what he had…. but he liked the change!

"That kid is creeping me out!" Purple whispered nervously to Red. "Do something! Call the Armada on him!"

"I can't, none of my signals are going through!" Red explained. "Just don't look him in the eye and don't breathe and maybe he won't notice us!"

"Hasn't he already seen us?"

"Shhhhhhh!"

" **Keef?"**

" **Yes?" Keef replies in a hypnotized voice.**

" **Who's your best friend?" Zim asks**

" **That would be Zim. Today, he got me-"**

" **Silence!" Zim commands. "When I snap my fingers, the next living thing you see you will believe to be your best friend."**

" **I like Zim."**

" **I know you do... but pay attention!"**

 **Zim uses the arachnid robot legs that come out of his backpack to cling to one of the wires on the ceiling and lift him out of view. Zim snaps his fingers and Keef's robot eyes light up for a split second. Keef snaps out of his trance. He rubs his eyes.**

" **What happened?"**

 **Keef goes back into his hypnotic state and approaches the window. He sees a squirrel sitting on a lawn gnome in Zim's yard. The robotic eyes make the squirrel look like Zim to Keef. The squirrel scampers away. Keef once again snaps out of his trance.**

" **Zim? How'd you get out there!?" Keef exclaims in surprise. "Hey, wait up! I have a surprise for you!"**

 **Keef runs out the door. Zim laughs.**

" **Humans and their friendship! Invaders need no one! No one!"**

"Zim, I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are one sick, twisted-"

"He's looking at me!" Purple hissed to Red, motioning to Keef. "What do I do?"

"Look away, you idiot! Hurry!"

 **The wires Zim's mechanical arachnid legs were clinging to break off and Zim falls to the ground.**

 **Keef runs up the walkway to where the other children are gathered.**

" **Hey guys! This is Zim!"**

 **Matthew, Dirge, and Gretchen look at the squirrel. The squirrel scampers off.**

" **It's Zim!"**

 **Keef goes following the squirrel.**

" **Forget this weirdo." Dirge says. "Hey, you guys wanna see something really neat?"**

 **Dirge bends down to untie his shoe laces. Matthew runs away screaming. Keef follows the squirrel onto a fence. The squirrel munches on an acorn.**

" **Hey, I'm hungry. Could I get some of that?" Keef asks "Zim".**

" **No."**

 **The squirrel climbs up the roof of the house next to Zim's and Keef follows behind it. Keef approaches the now angry squirrel. The squirrel jumps on Keef and fights with him. Keef screams as they both fall off the roof. Smoke rises from the spot where Keef and the squirrel landed.**

" **You don't like waffles?" The voice echoes over and over. GIR's image appears in the cloud of smoke, still stirring the cake batter and singing the Doom Song in slow motion.**

"So wait, how is that kid not dead?" Red pondered aloud. "He fell from like, so high up."

"What I'm curious about is what's up with that moose?" Purple said. Sure enough, there was a tiny floating moose hovering in front of them.

"Oh, that's just Minimoose." Zim explained. "He's my other, better sidekick."

"I don't remember giving you another robot." Red commented. "Where did it come from?"

Zim was about to answer when Minimoose squeaked.

"What's that, Minimoose?" Zim asks. "You know a way we can escape my underground base?"

MInimoose squeaks in confirmation.

The moral of this chapter; frying pans are dangerous. Anyways, thanks so much to all of my amazing reviewers! I love, love, love, love getting them and they really motivate me to write. Seriously though, you guys are amazing.

I do accept suggestions, and I would love to incorporate them if I can make them work. Thanks to Invader Johnny for his suggestions for this chapter :)

I know I've said it so much that it is pretty much my motto, but please, please review! Remember, it only takes half a minute and it totally makes my day! :)


	4. Nanozim

Hi! It's me, back with another chapter!

To those who reviewed: Thanks so much! A lot of people just read and pass by, but you stopped. Whooo! Yay! Seriously, you guys are everyday heroes.

Sorry it took me a few weeks to update, remember that each chapter is like 6000 words.

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

::::::::::::::::::::::::

 _ **Last Time on My Life is a Cartoon**_

" _What I'm curious about is what's up with that moose?" Purple said. Sure enough, there was a tiny floating moose hovering in front of them._

" _Oh, that's just Minimoose." Zim explained. "He's my other, better sidekick."_

" _I don't remember giving you another robot." Red commented. "Where did it come from?"  
_

 _Zim was about to answer when Minimoose squeaked._

" _What's that, Minimoose?" Zim asks. "You know a way we can escape my underground base?"_

 _MInimoose squeaks in confirmation._

::::::::::::::::

"Well then what is it?" Purple said impatiently. "If we leave now we might still be able to make it to the party!"

Minimoose began squeaking again. The others looked at him in interest. Gaz ground her teeth in frustration. She wasn't quite sure what was going on since she had been trying her best to ignore both them and the pounding headache they were giving her, but whatever it was, it was way too loud for her tastes. Enough was enough.

"Shut up!" She yelled, causing the room to go silent. "Look, I've been trying to ignore you but you are just too loud!"

"But.. the moose is-" Purple tried to explain, but Gaz was done with this.

"Just shut up! I don't care about a stupid moose, I just want to play my game in peace and you keep messing me up!"

"He was saying the moose was just about to tell us-" Red tried to say. Gaz growled.

"The only animal I want to think about right now is the mummy pig I'm about to obliterate!" Gaz said in extreme annoyance. "So shut up about the moose or else!"

A nervous silence griped the room. Gaz grunted and lost herself in the controls of her Game-Slave 2.

"Hi yah!" They looked up just in time to see GIR fall from the ceiling. Who knew how long he had been up there. "Wanna be my friend?"

"GIR, stop bothering the Tallest." Zim commanded.

"We don't like you." Purple explained. "You're stupid and creepy."

"Well said, My Tallest."

"I wasn't just talking to him." Purple said. Before Zim could respond GIR spoke again.

"I like your friends, masta. They're nice! And they smell like piggies! Yay!" 

"I'm not his friend, we're sworn enemies!" Dib protested.

"Yeah, and we're his great and powerful leaders!" Red added. "Not his friends."

"I'm his friend!" Keef said then added on gleefully. "His bestest friend!"

"Zim, shut your stupid robot up!" Gaz snarled.

"GIR, go away!" Zim said furiously. "Your twisted thought brainy powers are making me sick!"

"But masta, you and Mary has to be friends! You hugged onc-"

"I told you never to talk about that again!" Zim shrieked.

"You and Dib hugged?" Gaz asked in her usual tone, but it was clear that she had plans on what to do with the information. "When?"

"We didn't-" Dib denied but GIR chirped.

"When-" 

A button appeared on Zim's sleeve. With a war cry Zim slammed down on it. The effect was instant. The television screen buzzed with static, GIR slumped down, and Minimoose dropped from the air.

"What did you just do!" Dib yelled at Zim in horror.

"Yeah, now how will we watch the show?!" Purple asked. "You're the worst Zim."

"Nah, it's fine." Zim explained. "I just released an EMP pulse. Irken technology is EMP resistant so the screen and the robots should be up in just a minute."

"No, that's not it, it's Gaz!" Dib panicked then realized something. "Wait, why am I worrying about you? You're my mortal enemy!"

"What about your smelly sibling unit?" Zim asked. "And part of you can't help but love me. Everyone loves the awesomeness of Zim!"

Gaz growled. She had been ready to murder Zim, but now death was too good for him.

"You're doomed, Zim!"

"Huh?" Zim looked up to see a furious Gaz towering over him. "What did I do?"

"You just DESTROYED my precious Game-Slave AND called me smelly!" Gaz answered. "And you wrecked my Game-Slave!" 

"Umm, you said that twice." Purple pointed out.

"Shut up!" Gaz roured.

"Don't worry, Gaz." Keef consoled. "I'm sure the EMP will wear off soon."

"Actually, if Earth technology is as inferior as Zim makes it out to be the device is gone for good." Red pointed out then added. "Do you have floopsugard gipilators yet?"

"What's that?" Keef asked.

"Yep, Zim's doomed." Purple decided. Gaz roared in rage and the tall irken spoke again. "What a shame."

Dib was grinning from ear to ear. The Earth was saved! Gaz was going to destroy Zim, and no more Zim meant no more plots to enslave Earth. Zim however, was not so happy.

"You stay away from me!" Zim yelped as Gaz approached him with the air of a lion stalking a gazelle. "I'm warning you!"

Keef jumped in front of Zim in an attempt to shield him.

"Take me instead!" He wailed. "Zim is innocent! And amazing!"

Gaz flashed a shark-like grin. Then to the surprise of the others, she relaxed. 

"So Zim, did you really hug Dib?" She asked.

"LIES!" Zim shrieked.

"Well, lies or not I am going to post a video of it on the internet. So, hug now."

"What! What did I do?" Dib sputtered. "And how would you record it anyways?"

Gaz pulled out Dib's camera from seemingly thin air. Purple startled.

"Wait, wasn't that destroyed?" He asked Red who just shook his head in confusion.

"You cannot comprehend the power of the dark side." Gaz said dismissively. "Now back to business."

"Now, now Gazbeast." Zim said nervously. "I'm sure your inferior gaming device will be fine."

The Game-Slave sparked and then exploded. Though Gaz had been holding it she was unharmed and angrier than ever.

"You call this unharmed?!" She ranted. "Do you know what I had to go through to get that? It was the latest model! It wasn't even out on the market!"

"You do know that we could easily give you an irken battery and it would be more advanced and entertaining than that thing." Purple pointed out. Red elbowed him in the ribs.

"Shut up!" He hissed. "Don't you want her to doom Zim?"

Purple looked sheepish. Oops.

"Oh, really." Gaz said flatly. But despite her tone she was intrigued. Zim had taken her to that arcade planet that one time and it was pretty awesome.

"Nah, he was just kidding." Red told Gaz. "Go back to threatening Zim."

"Yeah!" Purple agreed, mouth stuffed with popcorn. The others glared at him. "What? It's entertaining!"

"You idiot." Red face palmed.

"Tell me more about this technology." Gaz commanded. "Now."

"Well, it's good." Red stuttered. "And it helps with stuff. Like-"

"Destroying enemy planets!" Purple butted in. "Or making popcorn!"

"Are there any video games?"

"Oh yeah, lots." Red said proudly. "Irken games are the best in the universe! They have amazing graphics!"

"And we destroy or enslave all of our competitors in the gaming market."

"Yeah, and that too."

Meanwhile, Zim had snuck away and was hiding in the corner. There was no way he was going to be anywhere near the Dib-sister. Though he loathed to admit it, she scared him. But she wouldn't find him now. Zim gloated to himself. He was perfectly hidden.

"What are you doing?" Keef asked him.

"What?!" Zim shrieked. "I blend in perfectly! How did you find my secret hiding place!"

"I'm great at hide and seek!" Keef said enthusiastically. "That and I saw you standing here in the corner laughing manically and insanely to yourself. Cookie?"

Zim stared at the boy and contemplated the well-meant offer. He had no interest in inferior Earth treat that was the cooo-key. However, if Keef had managed to find his hiding place -despite its ingeniousness- he maybe required better camouflage.

"Very well!" Zim said. "I shall accept your filthy cooo-key."

Zim reached out and snatched the whole plate from his hands. He placed it on top of his head and then turned to Keef.

"Ha!" He cried out triumphantly. "Now all who see me will just see a plate of disgusting earth cookies! Victory for Zim!"

Dib had been eavesdropping the whole time and was being overloaded by the stupidity. He just couldn't take it anymore.

"Really?" He said in exasperation. "Anybody can see that it's you are standing there. Only an idiot would-"

"Hey Dip!" Purple called out. "Why are you talking to that plate of cookies?"

"I give up." Dib muttered to himself before going off to find his own hiding place.

"Well, Zim I hear my Mom calling me. See you!"

"There is no Zim." Zim hissed. "Only cooo-key".

"Ok then," Keef replied without skipping a beat. "Bye cookie!"

Keef skipped away. Zim hunkered down and continued his gleeful cackling.

Meanwhile back with Gaz and the Tallest, everyone was getting frustrated. Red kept trying to change the subject, but Gaz was not to be distracted.

"Look." Purple said to Gaz. "We will give you one when we get out of here but right now we have no way to get you one."

"Actually, I do have a game on me." Red spoke up. "I was saving it for Purple's speech at the party."

Purple glared at him. Why hadn't he spoken up sooner? And why would he need a game device for his speech- oh.

"Hey!" Purple said indignantly. "My speech is very interesting and inspiring for your information."

The two Irkens started their usual bickering. It mainly consisted of "Is not." and "Is too!" Gaz clenched her fists in frustrations.

"Just shut up!" She yelled then spoke more calmly. "Give me the game and nobody gets hurt."

Red pulled the device out of his pocket. It was a simple cube shape with the irken insignia and a button on it. Purple pressed the button and the cube expanded into what looked like a combination of a Play Station 2 and a Wii. It was covered in intricate designs and had the irken insignia on it. A blank holoscreen popped up in the air in front of it. Gaz immediately sat down and booted up the device.

"That Globty cost me 300 monies." Red whined. "It was the last one in stock."

"Hey, look." Purple pointed out. "The video is back on."

The screen had indeed flickered back to life. The effects of the EMP were wearing off.

 **It is dusk. GIR skips home happily in his dog suit, slurping a Suck Munkey. He walks into the house, leaving the front door wide open. He sits down on the couch and sucks on the Suck Munkey so hard that his face sucks in. Deep within the lab, Zim uses a welding tool on his PAK, which is detached from his back. He is not in his disguise.**

" **Security breach!" The computer announces Some of Zim's monitors flash the word alert.**

" **An intruder!" Zim gasps. His PAK hovers into the air and approaches Zim's back. The PAK reconnects to Zim, and a hover platform lifts him upward. On the main floor, a dresser in the living room lifts up and the floor underneath it opens. Zim rises up, still out of disguise. He sees that the door is wide open, and sighs in exasperation.**

" **GIR! You left the door open again!"**

"Speaking of the little robot." Dib said, safe now that Gaz had a new gaming device. "Why is he still knocked out?"

"It takes longer for some things to repair themselves than others." Purple explained. "And that SIR unit isn't exactly top of the line quality."

"Right, it is better than top of the line!" Zim -who had also come out of hiding- announced proudly.

"Nothing but the best for you, Zim." Purple said sarcastically. Zim didn't catch the sarcasm, but Dib did. He frowned.

"Why isn't the moose on yet?" Red asked. "It's been long enough."

"It must not be top of the line either." Purple replied. "I just hope it turns on soon, so it can tell us how to escape."

"That moose is top of the line." Zim declared. "I made it myself from the finest Vortian technology."

"Wait, did you say Vortian technology?" Purple asked nervously. Zim nodded happily.

"Why does that matter?" Dib questioned.

"Well," Red said with resignation. "The Vortians aren't as good at making things EMP proof. If this moose is made of Vortian tech, it might take a few days for it to repair itself."

"Oh, so I guess we might be here a while, huh."

"Nooo!" Purple shrieked. He clawed at the walls. "I can't take it anymore! What did I do to deserve this! I have done nothing wrong!"

"You are an evil intergalactic space dictator." Dib pointed out. "You enslave entire planets and murder millions."

"That doesn't mean he deserves to be in the same room as Zim." Gaz spoke up.

It was true. Dib realized that being forced to be around Zim was kind of a cruel and unusual punishment.

" **I got chocolate bubblegum!" GIR squeals and opens his mouth, which, sure enough, is dripping with chocolate bubblegum. As Zim continues talking, Dib in a ninja suit crawls across the ceiling, clinging to the wires that line it. GIR sees Dib and watches him as Zim talks.**

" **GIR, with an entire planet of enemies waiting for us to drop our guard, we have to be very careful not to have our guards get all... droppy." Zim explains. "Understand?"**

" **I'll take that as a yes. Now, I'm going down below to check the laser weasel experiment." Zim said as he shut the front door. Zim shuts the door. GIR opens his mouth wider, still eying Dib. "I think they're ripe by now."**

" **Computer! Take me to the WEA-sels!" Zim commands. The dresser lifts up and the floor opens. The hover platform lifts up and Zim prepares to step on it.**

" **Wow!" Zim looks behind him in shock and the flash of a camera is seen.**

" **Hey!" Zim yells.**

" **It wasn't me."**

" **Yes, it was!" Zim argues. "Computer! Intruder alert!"**

 **A wire tentacle with a claw at the end and a clawed mechanical arm emerge from the ceiling on either side of Dib. Dib drops to the ground right as they lunge at him and they hit each other. Dib screams and runs to the chair. The claws follow behind him and he flips over them then again over GIR. He jumps out the window, which was open the whole time.**

" **Now I have proof, Zim! Photographic evidence!" Dib yells, and holds up his camera. A lawn gnome lifts its arms up and turns around. It approaches Dib from behind. "Soon, your Zim guts will be strewn all over an autopsy table!"**

"What is it with you and autopsy tables?" Purple asked the kid. Dib just shrugged.

"I just like the idea."

"That is just creepy and weird." Purple told Dib in a freaked-out voice.

"So I've been told." Dib informed Purple with a sigh, but then his tone perked up. "But someday they will see the light!"

"From what I've seen about your species that light would have to be pretty bright for them to see it." Red said.

"What does that mean?" Dib said, slightly offended.

"Humans are stupid." 

"Well I guess I can't argue with that."

 **Dib laughs and notices the lawn gnome right behind him. He jumps out of the way before the lawn gnome can grab him. Dib runs away.**

" **You left the window open too!?" Zim asks GIR in exasperation.**

" **Oh yeaaah."**

 **Meanwhile, Dib is at the Skool. A bell rings. Students wait in line at the cafeteria. Dib and Gaz sit at a table with a tray of food. Gaz plays her Game Slave.**

" **Zim wasn't in class today, Gaz."**

" **Maybe he's sick."**

" **Yeah, sick with fear!" Dib says and holds up a disk. "Once these pictures get out, he won't be able to hide any longer! I'm gonna send them to Mysterious Mysteries and then the world will know!"**

"Mysterious Mysteries?" Red chortled. "What kind of name is that?"

"Oh yeah?" Dib said, feeling offended. Nobody insulted his favourite show on his watch. "Well what kind of names are Red and Purple?"

"Wait, when did we tell you our names?"

"You used them earlier during stupid argument number three."

"Oh." 

"Hey!" Zim said and poked Dib. "The Tallest have great names!"

" **Maybe they'll let me host the show." Dib says gleefully. "My own episode!"**

" **I'm only 13 levels away from finishing this game so I either finish the game or make you wish I was never born."**

 **Later on, at dusk in Dib's house, Dib addresses a later to 'Mysterious Mysteries of strange Mysteries.'**

"I didn't think that name could get stupider! "Red chortled. "I guess they proved me wrong."

"Oh yeah?" Dib said, still massaging where he had been poked. Though he tried not to let it show it had actually hurt quite a bit. Zim was stronger than he looked. "Then try to think of names less creative than Red and Purple. You are literally named after your eye colors!"

"Well, there is this one group called the Resisty." Purple spoke up. "They resist us and stuff."

"Wait, what?" Dib said. He hadn't expected them to actually be able to name one. But still, that was interesting. A rebel group? Maybe they could help protect Earth!

 **He sticks the disk in the envelope and closes it. Dib takes the envelope and hops over onto the couch where Gaz is, playing her Game Slave. The television is playing 'Mysterious Mysteries.' The title screen background is made to look like the viewer is falling into a green pit.**

" **For years, the world has wondered," The announcer says. "Are there aliens among us?"**

 **As the opening for the show continues, words and images flash by. The words 'AREA 51' go by and then it shows Earth.**

" **But we here at Mysterious Mysteries of Strange Mystery have always known the answer to this question. And that answer is a resounding maybe. Which is why, as always, we ask you, our viewers, to help us put an end to this question once and for all."**

 **The green pit background changes to a repeating pattern of a bunch of small flying saucers. An envelope appears with an alien popping his head out of it and waving, and the envelope shows the address for the viewers to send their proof of alien life.**

" **Send us your proof of alien existence, and a sub-address stamped envelope."**

 **Dib sits on the couch with his envelope in his hand when suddenly his arms start wiggling. He frowns.**

" **What?" He mutters to himself. His left arm starts bumping into Gaz's head as she plays her Game Slave.**

"You're weird." Purple tells Dib.

"Hey, that was Zim's fault!"

"Yeah right."

" **Remember earlier the whole 'bugging me' thing? You're doing it again."**

" **I'm not doing this, Gaz! I don't have control of my arms!"**

 **Dib's arms grab the envelope and rip it in half so that the disk with Zim's picture falls onto Dib's lap. Dib's arms stop wiggling around, each holding one half of the envelope.**

" **I'm letting you live this time, Dib, but only because I'm still getting through this last level." Gaz gets up and leaves, still focusing on her Game Slave.**

" **But Gaz!" Dib protests.**

 **Dib drops the envelope halves and grunts as his arms start moving around by themselves again. His right arm grabs the disk. The television goes into static and then shows Zim in the cockpit of a ship. Both his hands are gripped on levers.**

" **Hello, Dib!"**

" **What the? Zim! What are you doing in my TV!?"**

" **I'm not in your TV. I'm transmitting from... INSIDE YOUR BODY! Spooky, yes? At this very moment I'm inside a microscopic submersible somewhere in your disgusting belly attached to your arm control nerve!"**

 **A view inside Dib's body shows the arm control nerve with a claw from Zim's nano-ship attached to it. Bubbles rise out of Zim's nano-ship.**

"Wow. Guess it was Zim after all." Purple said in surprise.

"Told you so!" Dib said smugly.

"But I still think you're weird, Doop."

"Don't call me that! My name is Dib!"

" **Arm control nerve?"**

" **Yes! Arm control nerve."**

" **In my... belly?" Dib asks in confusion.**

" **YES!"**

" **Humans don't have arm control nerves!"**

" **Do not question me! I control your arms!" Zim shrieks and thrusts levers back and forth. Dib's arms go out of control again.**

" **I don't understand, how did you get inside of me?"**

" **A funny story. It begins this afternoon in the cafeteria." Zim explains. The screen flashes back to Dib and Gaz sitting with their food trays at a table in the cafeteria.**

" **Maybe he's sick."**

" **Yeah, sick with fear!" Dib says and holds up a disk. "Once these pictures get out, he won't be able to hide any longer! I'm gonna send them to Mysterious Mysteries and then the world will know!"**

 **An extreme close-up on Dib's peas shows Zim waiting in his nano-ship. The ship zooms along as it is spooned up along with the peas. Dib lifts the spoon towards his mouth and eats. Zim flies down Dib's throat. The flashback ends, and we see Dib sitting on the couch again.**

" **Now, down to business!" Zim says before controlling Dib's arms again. Dib tries to resist but his hand clenches into a fist, crushing the disk.**

" **No!" He laments. Zim laughs evilly but Dib speaks again. "You didn't think I'd send the original disk, did you? That was a copy. Only I know where the original disk is."**

" **Idiotic human. I'll just go to your brain and delete the knowledge of where you hid the master disk." Zim laughs again. "And, as an added bonus, I might as well make your entire brain... not smart... no more."**

" **Noooooooo!"**

"So wait, if your name is Dib then why did you tell us it was Dub?" Purple asked. 

"I never told you it was Dub, and aren't you more concerned about Zim just announcing that he will destroy my brain?"

"Nah." Purple said dismissively. "Why would we care about that?"

"Well-"Dib continued but was interrupted. 

"So, I was thinking that we should change your name into something more memorable." Purple suggested. "Like Bigheady!"

"Now see here, I-"

"Or Mr. Hugehead!" Red added.

"I think that Stupidfilthybigheadhumanwhoisdoomedtodiebythehandoftheamazingandallpowerfulzim has a nice ring to it." Zim suggested.

"Ooooh, I like that one!" Purple replied and Zim grinned.

"I still think Mr. Hugehead is better." Red pouted.

"Those are all terrible names!" Dib yelled. "And besides, I like my name. Why would I change it to something stupid like that?"

 **Zim laughs as his nano-ship detaches from the arm control nerve and leaves, headed for Dib's brain. Dib regains control of his arms and drops the crushed disk on the floor. He hops off the couch and runs off.**

 **Meanwhile in Professor. Membrane's lab, Professor. Membrane is using a high tech welder that shoots electricity on a spork. Dib runs downstairs into the lab. The Professor holds up the smoking spork and then sets it back onto the desk.**

" **Dad! Dad, I need your help!" Dib yells.**

" **The world needs my help, son!" He replies.**

" **Do you still have that microscopic nano-ship thing you were working on?"**

" **Of course!" The scientist pulls out a plastic bag from his lab-coat and hands it to Dib. "The controls are over there. Why do you need this, son?"**

" **There's an alien in my guts, and he's trying to destroy my brain!"**

" **Ah, well, run along then." Dib grabs the controls which look like a laptop computer with a built-in joystick and hops back onto his couch.**

Purple sniffs and sheds a tear. Red turns and stares at him.

"What, it reminds me of my smeethood." Purple defended. "Cold Unfeeling Robot Arm was never there for me!"

Purple bursts out in tears. Red tries to comfort him and Zim and Dib stared awkwardly.

"Whiners." Gaz mumbles.

"I'm ok now." Purple chokes out and the tears slow down and stop. "I'm ok."

 **The controls turn on showing Dib's mouth as he swallows dumps the nano-ship into his mouth and swallows it. Dib grabs the controls as the ship falls down his throat.**

" **I'm coming, Zim!" Dib flies the nano-ship through internal passageways and into an area where Zim has placed red flags with the one-eyed Irken symbol on them into the tissue.**

" **What the? Oh no you don't!" Dib gasps and maneuvers around stringy bands of tissue. Zim's nano-ship is not too far ahead.**

" **With Dib turned into a drooling moron, nothing will stand in my way, not even... drool!" Zim cackles.**

 **A monitor screen in Zim's nano-ship displays the words 'incoming transmission.' Another monitor goes from a blank screen to a view of Dib as seen from his nano-ship controls.**

" **Guess who's right behind you, Zim." Dib says smugly.**

 **Zim looks at another monitor which shows Dib's nano-ship closing in from behind. Zim grunts as his ship narrowly avoids hitting some tissue. Dib follows Zim into a tube like passage. Gaz walks around the couch, holding her Game Slave at her side. She walks up to where Dib is sitting.**

" **Hey, what game is that?"**

" **This is no game, this is my life!" Dib replies dramatically.**

" **Yeah, it's cool looking, but it still just looks like a game."**

 **You can't beat me, Dib." Zim's voice comes out of the device. "My piloting skills are unmatched."**

" **Is that Zim? Is this an online game?" Gaz questions**

" **Gaz, please. I need to concentrate." Dib says. The ships fly through an open area of Dib's body lined with more strings of tissue.**

" **Let's see." Dib mumbles to himself. He presses a button and opens a weapon selection screen and picks a grappling hook. "How 'bout this?"**

 **Red bars appear on the screen to the controls around Zim's ship and the words 'target locked' appear. A little compartment on the front of Dib's nano-ship opens up and the grappling hook shoots out. Zim makes a confused noise as red-light flashes inside his nano-ship. The hook hits Zim's nano-ship and bounces off of it. Zim's ship goes out of control for a second but Zim quickly regains control of it.**

" **I've been flying ships since before you were born, sad little Earth monkey!" Zim laughs as he skids along Dib's spleen, tearing it up. Dib screams.**

" **Agghhh, My spleeen!" Dib cries.**

" **Now I'm in your trachea, Dib." Zim gloats. "Your brain is so close I can smell it."**

" **Can I play?" Gaz asks.**

" **Wait a minute. He's in my trachea." Dib realizes and yells. "Get away from my brain, Zim!" Dib attaches the nano-ship to the wall of his trachea. As Zim zooms past Dib's mouth, Dib inhales. Zim screams as he tries to grip on to Dib's flesh, but he falls back down the trachea, knocking Dib's nano-ship off the wall as he falls. They fall into an open area.**

"So, I was thinking, and I thought we could combine all the names." Purple spoke up. "What do you think of Mr. Hugebigheadyheadwhohateszim.

"It just doesn't have the same ring to it." Zim answered and Red nods in agreement.

"How about you just call me Dib?" Dib suggests. "That is my name after all."

Both Tallest look at each other, then speak at once.

"Nah."

"How about Stinkhead?"

"Nah, Bloorskull?"

"I prefer Gigantosaurushead."

"Why are these all about my head?" Dib asks in irritation. "My head is perfectly normal sized!"

"You see that fly?" Purple asks Dib. They look towards the wall where a fly with a head the size of a baseball is. It tries to take off, but its tiny wings and body can't hold up its gigantic head. It smashes into the ground."Its head is like 2000 times the size of its body and your head is still bigger. Do you still think your head is normal sized?"

"Yes," Dib argues. "Because it is!"

"Well I still say Bigheady is a much better name than Dip."

"How about you name him Deadmeat?" Gaz said irritably. "Because that is what you all will be if you don't shut up!"

 **Zim laughs maniacally as his nano-ship starts to turn into a humanoid robot. Each of its hands forms a ball of electricity. The nano-bot claps the hands together to make one big ball of energy which disappears as the transformation is completed.**

" **Quarter circle back." Gaz tells Zim.**

" **What?"**

" **The transformation move is always quarter circle back."**

 **Dib does this and the words 'TRANSFORMATION INITIATED' appear on the control screen.**

" **Oh hey, look at that!" Dib says when the nano-ship also transforms into a humanoid nano-bot. Red light suddenly fills the room.**

" **When you die, can I play?" Gaz wonders.**

 **Dib looks panicky. Zim presses forward on his levers while screaming a battle cry. Zim's nano-bot flies at Dib's. Dib attempts to swing a punch but is knocked into the wall.**

" **Come on, Dib! Let me play!" Gaz urges. "You're doing it wrong! I could beat him!"**

" **No way!" Dib refuses. "He's in my organs! Not yours!" Zim's nano-bot continues punching Dib's. Dib grunts.**

" **Quit it! I don't really know the controls yet!" Dib freaks out.**

 **Dib's armor meter begins to decrease. Gaz rolls her eyes and grunts. Dib's nano-bot attempts to get up but Zim flings it at the arm control nerve.**

" **This is kind of sad, Dib." Zim threatens. "I will put an end to this now." Zim squeezes a button at the tip of a lever and launches a spear into Dib's arm control nerve. Dib loses control of his arms again.**

" **Arms... like... noooodlessss!" Dib's arms drop to his side, useless.**

 **It's my turn." Gaz shoves him out of the way and takes over the controls.**

"Ah, well that explains how you were suddenly not terrible." Zim realizes. "Your pig smelly sister helped you."

"Hey, I wasn't that bad!" Dib protested.

"Yeah right." Dib clenches his fists. He leaps for Zim, intending to claw his eyes out but Red grabs him from mid-air."

"Now now, there is no need to fight." Purple told them, then spoke again. "At least not until we get the popcorn!"

Red holds up the popcorn in the hand that is not holding Dib back.

"Ok, go!" Red hurls Dib at Zim and they begin to tussle on the floor.

" **Now, let's see where you are keeping the location of the disk, Dib."**

 **Zim's nano-bot flies back into the mouth cavity and up into the brain. A computer in Zim's nano-bot scans the brain. The words 'location located' appear on a monitor screen along with a yellow dot marking the location on a diagram of Dib's brain.**

" **There!" Zim's nano-bot shoots an energy beam from its hands at Dib's brain.**

" **He's in my head... knowledge, losing... brain... poop."**

 **A bar on Zim's monitor shows the memory being deleted. When it reaches the end, the word 'complete' appears. Zim laughs maniacally.**

" **I can't remember where the file is, Gaz!" Dib laments. "He did it! He made me forget!"**

"Ah, so that's what that thing was." Gaz muttered to herself. She had found the file hidden in the fridge later and thrown it out because it was wasting valuable space that could contain much more important things like pizza or Diet Poop.Oh well.

" **Quiet, Dib!" Gaz mutters in frustration.**

 **Zim's monitor shows a diagram of Dib's brain along with the words 'reduce brain power.' It has the selections 'Just a bit,' 'A lot,' and 'maximum.' Zim selects maximum.**

" **And now, to unleash stupidity on your entire brain." Zim cackles. "From this day forth you will not be a threat to me any-" Zim looks in a different monitor and sees the nano-bot coming straight for him.**

" **The human doesn't know when to quit." Zim says. "I'll finish with the rest of your brain after I deal with your junky... junk thing."**

 **Zim grunts as he releases the ball of energy he was about to use on the brain. Gaz's nano-bot swerves underneath Zim's and uppercuts him. Zim's nano-bot flies into a tube coming out from the brain and gets electrically shocked. Zim is about to make his nano-bot get up when Gaz makes hers kick Zim's in the head. She kicks Zim's a second time. It bounces into the wall and back at Gaz. Gaz kicks it onto the floor.**

 **Meanwhile, Dib is not doing well. He screams and wiggles around. He bites off part of the couch and bangs his head on the arm of the couch. He eventually rolls off the couch.**

" **He's not even trying!" Gaz voices aloud. She continues to pummel Zim with the nano-bot. Zim screams.**

" **Help! Please!" Zim screams in desperation.**

"That's shameful!" Red looks at Zim in disdain. "Invaders never plead!"

Purple whispers something to him and he giggles.

"Well, I guess that is true." Red answers. "But it applies to Irkens in general too."

 **Gaz knocks him to the ground again. Dib lies on the couch, drooling. Gaz's nano-bot spin kicks so the head/cockpit of Zim's nano-bot rips off and falls downward as Zim screams. The words 'enemy destroyed' appear on the controls to the nano-bot. Gaz flies the nano-bot to where the arm control nerve is and uses a laser to destroy the spear lodged in it. Dib gasps happily as he regains control of his arms. Gaz enters her initials on the controls for the nano-bot. Dib laughs and flaps his arms around. He taps his nose with both arm.**

" **That game was stupid!" Gaz says angrily.**

 **Dib's television still shows Zim, looking badly beaten.**

" **Now, for my finishing move!" Dib says. He leaves the room and the sound of a door being shut and pants being pulled down is heard.**

" **Wait, Dib, what's going on!?" Zim screams. "No!" The sound of a toilet flushing is heard. The view of Zim in the television spins. Dib's toilet is seen flushing. When the flush cycle is done, the words 'THE END' pop out of the toilet.**

"Eeeeewwwww."

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Poor Minimoose. I can't have him giving everything away though. :(

Don't worry though, our favourite moose is fine. The effects are temporary.

Well, what did you guys think? Please review and let me know! I've said it before, but I do accept suggestions. No flames please.

Also, reviews always make my day! I will usually check out your profiles and stories if you leave a review and will often return the favour. :)


	5. Parent Teacher Night

Hey guys, I'm back.

Thanks once again to the amazing reviewers of this story. You guys are the greatest and your reviews motivate me a ton. They really do! I think I am going to start answering them and replying as a part of the updates instead of PMs. So I will respond to the ones I received after making this decision for now.

So, I noticed that I have a ton of dialogue in the chapters. I was thinking for this one I would try to fit in more description. I am also changing my last time message to one about who is in the room, just as a reminder.

Thanks so much for reading and I hope you enjoy this next chapter!

Disclaimer: I own none of the rights to Invader Zim and I am getting nothing but personal satisfaction by publishing this.

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 **Reviews**

Powerpuff Kaeloo: Glad you liked my jokes about The Tallest wanting to change his name. And thanks for taking the time to review!

Guest: The bloody GIR is kind of hard to spot, and none of the IZ crew have the sharpest eye. But maybe I could have them see it while it is paused? We will just have to wait and see… :p

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 _ **CHARACTERS IN ROOM**_

Gaz

Both Tallest

Zim

Dib

Minimoose (unconcious)

GIR (unconcious)

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"Ewwwwwww." Red said in disgust. "I didn't need that image in my head." Purple shuddered in agreement. This video was turning out to be a lot scarier than he had expected. He had prepared for many things, but this was not one of them.

Dib and Zim were still wrestling on the floor. One of Zim's antenna was bent into an un-natural position. Dib didn't seem to be fairing much better, if anything he was doing worse than Zim. His clothes were torn and somehow despite the pristine cleanliness of the lab they were also filthy. He had gained a black eye and his arms and legs were so scraped up that it was painful to look at.

Despite this they showed no sign of wanting to stop. As tumbled they hurled insults at each other. With each insult they yelled louder and louder, until they were screaming, much to the other occupants of the room's irritation.

"Stupid!" 

"Idiotic Cheesebrain!"

"WEIRD HAIR!" 

" **GREEN** SKIN **!"**

" **GOOD FOR NOTHING FLORPSHNICKET!"**

Things were getting intense. Luckily for the Tallest who were suffering (Irken hearing is much more sensitive than human hearing) Gaz was also not pleased with the noise. And anyone who displeased Gaz needed to suffer.

"Will you two **SHUT UP!"** She growled, her words echoing in the room. The two looked up at her in fear. Their eyes pleaded for mercy. But Gaz was having none of it. "I just got me hands on alien gaming technology and you idiots won't shut up long enough for me to play it! Do you know-"

Another thunderous roar tore through the space once more. Only this time it wasn't coming from the downpour outside. "Uggg, I'm too hungry to punish you losers." Glaring daggers at Dib, Gaz commanded. "Fix this Dib."

"What?" Dib protested. "Why me? Zim's the one who-"

Gaz shot another death glare at him and he fell silent. He was the reason she was hungry. She had been delaying lunch because she hadn't wanted to stop gaming. She never got the change to eat because she had to come after Dib. So, he was the one who had to fix this.

But Gaz didn't feel like explaining all this to him. He would do what she said anyways or face the consequences. And despite all of his flaws she was pretty sure Dib had enough survival instinct to comply. Hopefully.

"Ok then, what do you have to eat around here, Zim." Dib asked his nemesis reluctantly. He hated asking but it was this or death by sister, and besides he was just as hungry as she was.

"Ha, as if I would tell you! You can starve for all I care!" Zim refused but gave in under the heat of Gaz's death glare. He reluctantly spoke. "I have some lik-a-maid sticks and maybe some of the disguising Suck-Monkey drink if GIR had any left over, which I doubt." Zim hated that drink. It always reminded him of…. Zim shuddered. That monkey.

Zim walked over and stood in the middle of the room. The others wondered what he was doing until he tapped a rhythm on the floor and it opened up. A refrigerator slid up and locked into place. It looked just like something a human would have in their kitchen.

"I used this Earthen storage device so that it would prevent suspicion." Zim proudly explained to the Tallest who nodded unenthusiastically. If someone got into the lower levels of the base it probably wouldn't be the food container that made them realize something was up. "I keep it under the ground because otherwise GIR will steal all the food. He gives it to that pig, I think. Luckily he is still down from the EMP blast otherwise he-"

But unfortunately, it seemed that Zim had jinxed himself. Suddenly GIR was there. "No, GIR!" Zim cried out but it was too late. The little robot had opened his thermos head and it was creating a suction force that resembled a mini tornado. The food twirled around and was sucked straight in.

"No!" Gaz cried out, her eyes widening so much that they were actually visible. "Catch your stupid robot, I saw pizza in that fridge!"

Dib and Zim both leapt for GIR at the same time, but he took off running and they ran into each other, bonking heads. The Tallest started laughing that they didn't even notice the death glares they were receiving as nobody else thought it was funny.

GIR ran straight up the wall and through one of the pipes, efficiently avoiding capture and escaping with all of the food. Gaz felt her face grow flush with anger and her muscles tighten. That little robot was so doomed! Both Dib and Zim looked nervous, assuming the anger was directed at them.

"Hey Gaz, how about we just order a pizza?" Dib suggested desperately. He was hoping to get out of this situation with maybe only a few broken bones. However Gaz just looked angrier at the suggestion. "And how do you suggest we do that genius, we have no phone!"

"Is pizza on Earth very good?" Purple asked inquisitively. His antenna perked up as they always did when food was mentioned. Irken pizza was pretty good, but from the glimpse of what he has seen before the robot snatched it away, this pizza hadn't been green. Gaz looked insulted at the question. "Of course it's good, otherwise I wouldn't eat it!" She snapped at Purple.

Purple looked taken aback. "I was just asking, geez." He defended nervously. "I thought maybe I could try some." 

"None of my pizza, right?" Purple franticly confirmed the answer to her question, and Gaz settled down a little, dominance ascertained. She was still lacking her pizza though, which was a serious problem for her and especially everyone else.

Just when everyone thought that they were doomed, a beam of light appeared by the couch. Another teleportation beam?

Sure enough, when the light faded, something was sitting there. Something that wasn't there before. A phone!

After a few seconds of stunned silence, they all rushed for it at once -except for Gaz who just shrugged- and soon everyone was trying to grab it from the others' hands.

"Give it!"

"I need that, we can call the Armada and they will rescue us from this torture!"

"Gimee!

Somehow Gaz ended up with the phone in the end. She held it in the air tauntingly.

"Looking for this?"

"Oh, thank goodness, Gaz!" Dib exclaimed. "Quick give it to me and I can call for help." Gaz smirked and dialled a number on the phone. Dib smirked. Win for Earth! But the smirk faded off his face almost as quickly as it had come.

"I need to order 3 large Bloaty's pizzas. And hurry, I'm hungry." Gaz spoke into the phone. "Yeah just come to the freaky looking house where the weird green kid lives. Yes, that weird house. No! Yes. Fine!"

"Gaz, we need to-" Dib yelled but Gaz shoved the phone into his hands. "Here, call your stupid club. Just shut up, your voice makes my head want to explode!" Dib took the phone in surprise.

"Hey wait, why does he get that, I need to contact the armada! They are probably worried sick about me!" Purple protested. Of course Dib ignored the Irken. He held up the phone in triumph. "Oh, you need this? This little thing?" He gloated.

Zim leapt at Dib in fury. Unfortunately, just that moment the phone emitted an electric shock. They both leapt in the air in in surprise and pain. "Owwww! What is wrong with you!" Dib screamed at the unknown person who had sent the phone. He hurled the phone as far as he could.

"You know what, I'm not actually that desperate to call the Armada." Purple decided. Red nodded in agreement. "You can keep the phone." Zim groaned and crawled away in pain. This was not how he had planned on this day going. He had expected it to involve less pain for him and more laser weasels. A lot more laser weasels.

"Well, we might as well watch the video clip while we are waiting for the food to arrive." Red decided. "Maybe if we go along with what the mystery person seems to want they will let us go." Nobody protested this idea and the screen flickered back on.

 **A bell rings in the skool. Ms. Bitters is talking to the students in her classroom, and the words 'The Big Bang' are written on the chalkboard behind her.**

" **And you, Mary. Right where your head is, before the Big Bang, there was NOTHING there!" Mary stares speechlessly at the frightening teacher from her seat. Ms. Bitters continues. Ms. Bitters points tout the window to where there is a barbed wire fence with a squirrel sitting on it, eating an acorn. "And outside, where that squirrel is, there was NOTHING!"**

 **Zim sits in class, looking extremely bored as Ms. Bitters drones on. "And under your chairs, NOTHING!" Zim looks at the clock and sees that class is almost out. It is less than a minute from ending, but the second hand suddenly stops right as it is about to reach the 12.**

" **And by that tree, where that dog is, nothing." Inside the clock, a bug is caught in the gears.**

"I just realized, how did they get footage of that fly?" Dib asked.

"You're right, that is rather strange." Red replied. X-ray cameras were not that hard to find but that meant that the perpetrator had a camera with x-ray capabilities planted in the room the time this had happened.

 **Zim grunts, grits his teeth and clings to his desk, waiting for the clock to start moving again. After what seems like forever the bug splats inside the clock, sending its innards all over the gears. The gears start running again. The second hand reaches the twelve and the bell rings.**

" **Ah, phew." Zim sighs in relief. The students get up and start leaving, except for Dib. "Don't forget that tonight is parent-teacher night. Everyone is required to bring their parents to the cafeteria." Ms. Bitters calls out. Zim stops in the door way and then turns around and approaches Ms. Bitters.**

" **I never agreed to attend this parent-teacher night!" Zim protests. Ms. Bitters argues. "Yes, you did." She argues. Zim flails his arms in scratching motions, screaming.**

" **You lie!"**

 **Ms. Bitters just chuckles. In a phantom-like swoop, she goes to her desk.**

"Do all humans slither like that? Because I'm pretty sure that that teacher is not human." Red asks in confusion. Dib looks up in surprise. "Wait, what?"

"That creepy lady, I don't think she is human." He explained to Dib's befuddlement. "Just a hunch, I guess."

"Well, I agree with the creepy part, but not human? I mean what else… could she… be. Oh." Dib suddenly felt the urge to facepalm. How could he -the ultimate paranormal investigator and Earth's last line of defense- miss something this obvious. His own teacher wasn't human, and he hadn't noticed? How obvious did it have to be? He had heard all sorts of rumors about her, -from her being an immortal cannibal to a giant insect queen- but he had dismissed them all. Dib suddenly realized he had involuntarily stood up. He sat back down with a sigh.

 **She opens a drawer and pulls out a disk which she sticks into a computer on her desk. She grabs the mouse and clicks and the blackboard opens up revealing a view screen. The view screen plays a recording of Zim sitting in class. Zim fiddles with a pencil.**

 **In the Recording:**

" **Zim, are you going to bring your parents to parent-teacher night?" Ms. Bitters asks. Zim Zim balances the pencil on his lip, then removes it so he can give an answer. "Yeah, sure, whatever." Zim puts the pencil back on his lips.**

 **End of Recording:**

 **The recording ends, and the blackboard returns to normal. Zim looks up at a security camera hanging from the ceiling. "Why would you tape that?" Zim asks in irritation. Dib packs up his stuff and then addresses Dib. "Putting up a lot of fight for something as simple as parent-teacher night, Zim. I bet he doesn't even know what parents are!"**

" **Of course, I do!" Zim gets a faraway look in his eyes. Dib watches in shock as Zim latches onto Ms. Bitters. Zim seemingly realizes he is hugging Ms. Bitters and his eyes widen. Ms. Bitters growls and slithers out of his grip, making Zim fall to the floor. "You will be here tonight, Zim. You and your parents!" Ms. Bitters commands, irritated by having to address the "child". She hated children.**

The Tallest look at Zim in surprise. Jumping on a teacher was incredibly random, even for him. Zim was too busy staring at Dib to notice their looks. He expected the human to leap up and tell him off for staring, but Dib had no idea he was being stared at, he was too wrapped up in his misery. Something was off with the human and for some reason that irked him to no end.

 **Zim walks towards the exit. "Yeah! See you and your parents tonight, Zim!" Dib calls out. Zim stops in the doorway. Zim retorts. "Yes. Oh, I will bring my pa-rents. And they shall be the greatest, most parental parents ever!"**

 **The scene switches to show the front of Zim's house. An Avon door-to-door saleswoman walks towards it holding a make-up bag. She pauses to run a hand through her hair and fix her suit. She looks at one of the lawn gnomes and then walks up to the front door. As she walks, the lawn gnome's head turns to follow her, and its eyes turn red. She rings the doorbell and waits. The ringing of the doorbell triggers a system of mechanisms that ultimately lead to the RoboDad being released from a compartment. RoboDad wheels out along a track to the front door and it opens. "Welcome home, son!"**

" **Um, oh, heh. Is the lady of the house in?" The Acon Lady asks awkwardly. RoboMom rams into the side of the RoboDad and answers the saleswoman. "That's me! I am house lady, brush your teeth!" GIR in his dog disguise walks by the open door humming a tune. He catches sight of the bag of make-up which says 'take make-up' and stares.**

" **Um... I'm selling make-up and I just know you'll find something great in-" The RoboMom cuts her off. "I said brush your teeth!" The robot lifts up a toothbrush and jumps on the Avon lady.**

Normally Dib would have laughed at the stupidity of Zim's "advanced alien technology" but right now he was not in the mood. Zim let a frustrated growl slip out his lips. Only he was allowed to cause the Dib-worm misery! Him! Zim! The most mighty and amazing Irken ever! And he was not going to let some teacher usurp him!

 **Down the block, Zim walks home looking depressed. Zim stares up at the air. He looks this way and that as if he sees something. "Huh?" He suddenly looks forward just in time to trip over a motionless puppy sitting on the sidewalk He lands right in front of his yard and hears a strange noise. He lifts his head and sees the RoboMom forcefully brushing the teeth of the Avon lady as she screams. The Avon lady hits the RoboMom with her bag and runs away, and GIR chases after her yelling. "No, wait! Come back! I need stuff!"**

 **As Zim walks angrily into the house, the RoboParents back up a bit. "Welcome home, son!" RoboDad wheels backwards until he rams into the wall and electricity sparks out from him. "You want some dinner, sweetheart?" Robomom asks and pours a sack of flour on Zim's head. Zim angrily wipes the flour off as he walks over to the couch. As he uses the legs from his PAK to lift himself onto the couch, he worries.**

" **What am I going to do? I only have a few hours before this... parent teacher thing." He looks over to see RoboMom repeatedly pokes RoboDad with a wooden spoon. "The parent decoys aren't ready for that kind of service. Their interactive skills are too limited. Unless... GIR!" GIR hears his name being called out and plops in front of Zim wearing make-up he stole from the Avon lady. Make-up items scatter around him when he lands.**

" **Yes, sir!" Gir cries out in duty mode. Zim continues to speak. "GIR, we have to program the parents to learn human social behaviour if they are to join me for parent teacher night."**

" **Yes sir, right away!" The screen fades into a room with 16 televisions hooked up, many wires coming out of the backs. The RoboParents are strapped to chairs, their eyes are clamped open, and wires are attached to their heads. The televisions are each playing something different. A cacophony of voices rings out from them, clashing harshly with each other. GIR walks from television to television. "Ooh! This is my favourite show! Wait, no, this is my favourite show! It's my favourite show!" GIR's dog ears drop then perk up when the TV shows a man walking down the sidewalk. An x-ray view of his back shows his spine crack "Ahhhhh! My spine!" He spasms on the ground and foam shoots out of his mouth.**

"Ha! Human misery! How funny!" Zim exclaimed and nudged Dib. Dib just buried his head in his hands and murmured about his life. Zim continued on. "Huh, Dib? Huh?"

Purple chortled to himself. "Human commercials are stupid."

"Your face is stupid." Gaz retorted. Purple looked shocked then indignant. "I heard that you know!"

"I know, you were supposed to." Gaz replied in a snarky tone. Purple stood up to his full height and called out. "Guards, destroy it! It hurt my feelings!" Ha! He had won! Any second now, the human would be vaporized. Any second now. Any... second. Purple looked down. The human was still there, not a scratch on her. He had forgotten. No guards here. He sat back down nervously, and the girl smirked. Another victory for Gaz.

 **The word 'Aspirin' appears over the television. The TV next to that one goes from static to the scary monkey show. GIR hugs the TV playing the scary monkey show. "I love this show."**

Dib was still in a self-dug pit of misery. What kind of paranormal investigator didn't notice that their own teacher wasn't human? He let loose another sigh.

"Stupid creature." Zim hissed before poking him in the back of his head. When Dib turned around Zim was trying to look innocent. It wasn't fooling him though. "Hey, what was that for?"

Zim tried to pretend like he hadn't heard but when Dib's gaze remained on him he said in a snarky tone. "Well, I couldn't resist such a big target." Dib ground his teeth together in anger. And just like that, Dib was no longer miserable. Their rivalry had knocked the thoughts out of his head and replaced them with thoughts of vengeance.

" **No, GIR! The robot parents must learn proper parenting from this video program!" Zim sticks a cassette titled 'Proper Earth Parenting' into a VCR and all the TVs start playing the tape. GIR nestles his head up to a wire and falls asleep. Zim starts walking away. "Make sure they watch the entire video, GIR. The fate of our mission depends on it!"**

 **A double door slams behind Zim and wakes up GIR. All the televisions display a mom and a dad showing off their son. "We sure are proud of our little boy." The Mom says. The Father agrees. "We sure are!" GIR stops the tape with a remote and starts watching normal television.**

 **One TV shows a woman standing by a washing machine holding up a pair of pants with grass stains. "Are you plagued by grass stains?" Another TV shows a fat man with a burrito and a glass of hot sauce. "I like burritos... but they sure don't like me!" The word 'Diarrhea' appears written in blood.**

 **Various TV scenes flash by. The RoboParents watch the scenes of the go by, assimilating them into their databases. GIR watches with them. "I love this show."**

"I am going to kill GIR!" Zim announced in frustration. He had been wondering why the robot parents had malfunctioned, of course GIR was behind it! Was there anything GIR didn't mess up?

"Technically, you can't kill him. He's a robot." Dib informed Zim. Zim frowned. Why had he saved the boy from his misery again? He wasn't quite sure. But he was already beginning to regret it. He tried to think up a snappy retort but with all the others staring at him expectantly all that he could think of was "Well, you stink! So, ha!"

 **Later, in a portion of Zim's lab, the RoboParents stand in a doorway on looking a massive pit. Zim jumps out of the pit and lands in front of them. "Are you ready dear?" The RoboMom asks. "Yes." Zim replies and makes a triumphant arm gesture.**

" **Well then we otta be on our way." RoboDad decides. "Yes!" Zim speaks again in triumph, louder this time.**

" **We sure are proud of you, son." RoboMom tells Zim. " We sure arrrrre..." RoboDad agrees. leaning forward. His eyes look off into different directions but Zim does not seem to notice.**

 **::::::::::::::::**

 **Mr. Elliot walks up to Dib and Gaz who are accompanied by a floating monitor that displays Professor Membrane on it. "Hey kids, it's your dad! I never knew he was a floating head!" Mr. Elliot says.**

"Wait, your Dad is a floating head?" Red asked Dib. "How does that work?" Dib was about to answer but the Dib on the screen answered for him.

" **No, he's not. My dad's just really busy and he couldn't be here in person. He's transmitting live from his lab across town."**

The sound of a doorbell echoed throughout the house. "Finally, Pizza's here." Gaz grunted. "Took them long enough."

" **Hey, my dad was like that too, you know I understand. It's nice to meet you, professor. I'm Mr. Elliot, your daughter Gaz's teacher!" Mr. Elliot holds out a hand to the floating monitor. Gaz groans. The scientist responds. "I'm sorry but I'm very busy right now. We're testing some highly unstable- NOOO! You have the mixture all wrong!" Light pours on Professor Membrane. An explosion is heard, and a mushroom cloud can be seen in the window behind Mr. Elliot. Sirens go off and screaming is heard. Professor Membrane's monitor screen shows static, but then a hazardous warning symbol appears with the words 'Please Stand By.' The mushroom cloud outside is gone, but smoke can be seen rising from a building.**

"Oh my gosh!"

::::::::::::::::::::::

Meanwhile upstairs

:::::::::::::::::::::

The machinery inside the walls of the house -in response to the doorbell- released the RoboDad. A bored voice could be heard, slightly muffled by the wall. "Hello, Bloaty's Pizza delivery." The RoboDad rolled towards the door which swung open on its own accord to reveal a pimply boy, probably in his late teens staring at his shoes. "Welcome home, son!"

The delivery boy wasn't even phased. He had seen and heard many strange things during his time working with Bloaty's, strange and terrible things. But that was all part of working in the fast food industry. "Bloaty's pizza hog, we put the pizzazz in pizza or something like that. Here's your pizza." The boy set the pizza down and the man's arm extended to grab the pizza. Like literally extended, stretching like a spring. The boy shrugged. He had still seen stranger things.

"That will be $30.99." He told the 'man' and he was handed a huge bar of gold. "Keep the change!" RoboDad chirped before slamming the door in his face. The boy stared down at the bar of gold in shock, then looked back up at the house. Then back at the bar of gold. Then he broke out in a grin.

"Yippee! I'm never working again!" He screamed then threw his Bloaty's hat down on the ground, stomping on it until it was a crinkled mess. A minute of ecstasy later he was calling his boss. "Hey, you know what? I quit! And I can say it now, I don't like you!"

He threw the phone down onto the ground and stomped on it too because he could just buy a better one now that he was rich! He literally skipped home. Unfortunately what he didn't notice was what was stamped into the bottom of the ingot, '100% pure useless plastic. Made in China'.

::::::::::::::::::

The robot dropped down through the pipe on the ceiling and lands with a thud on the floor. The impact causes sparks to erupt from the robot and it falls to the ground limp. Gaz calmly walks over grabs the whole stack of pizza boxes from its damaged hand. She shoots it a scornful look and walks away. She pauses though -seemingly thinking- and then walks back over and kicks it. The metal clangs as her thick grey boots impact it. The poorly constructed robot's head falls off and Gaz looks smug. She then retreats to her gaming space with all of the boxes of pizza.

Dib watches her, his stomach growling. "Umm, aren't you going to share?" Dib asks nervously and receives a vicious snarl as an answer. However, this was not exactly a no, so he dared to continue. "I mean, you did order 3 pizzas, surely that is enough for me to have a slice or 2?"

 **Zim stands in the cafeteria doorway with the RoboParents behind him. Zim looks unsure, but then he gets confidence to enter. He walks over to where Ms. Bitters is talking to some parents and the robots wheel along behind him. Zim clears his throat and Ms. Bitters turns around. "These are my parents, I love them with all my heart." He lies. RoboMom twists around and RoboDad sparks electricity. "I must have punch now!" Zim scampers away with the RoboParents following behind him.**

 **Ms. Bitters turns back to the parents she was talking to. "When you were my students, I said you'd amount to nothing. And I was right, you're nothing!"**

 **Zim stands by the punch table holding a glass of punch. Dib, Gaz, and Professor Membrane in his monitor screen approach from behind. Gaz is chewing on something and Dib gets himself a cup of punch. "Hello, Zim." Zim replies hatefully. "Dib."**

After a long time of waiting for Gaz to respond -she never did- Dib tried again. "Come on, please?" Dib begged. The Tallest join him. "Yeah, I want to see what it tastes like? It's yellow? What is up with that?" Gaz scowled and scooted the pizza closer to her body. Lightning flashed, and the lights began to flicker and then failed and plunged them into near pitch-black darkness. The only source of light was the faintly glowing screen of Gaz's video game. The wind began to howl and the people in the room felt fear fill them. They involuntarily begin to shudder.

"On second thought, I'm not hungry anymore." Dib's nervous voice rang out from the somewhere in the dark room. The Tallest nod in nervous agreement and the lights come back on.

" **Dad, there's somebody I want you to meet. This is Zim. You know, the alien." Dib says smugly. Membrane's floating monitor hovers up closer to Zim and he rubs his chin. "And what country is the little green boy from?"**

" **Yes, yes, that's fascinating." Zim answers as he is not really paying attention. He scampers away but returns and hits the bottom of Dib's cup of punch so that punch goes all over Dib's face. Gaz sniggers. Zim walks over to where the RoboParents are talking to the Slunchy family. "So, what's goin' on?" Zim asks Billy Slunchy, who looks disgruntled.**

" **My mom won't shut up about me. It's really embarrassing." Billy explains "At least she's not showing the pictures." His brother Mongo comforts him, but seems to have accidentally jinxed them.**

" **Oh, and you've just gotta see these pictures!" Mrs. Slunchy pulls a bunch of pictures from her wallet and shows them to the blankly staring RoboMom. "Now here's Billy cryin' when he was kicked off the soccer team for cryin' too much!" Mrs. Slunchy giggles and Billy starts crying.**

" **Grass stains sure are tough to get out of those soccer uniforms!" RoboMom chirps and RoboDad adds in his input. "Sports aren't everything. I'm sure your boy will find... something he's good at."**

 **Zim looks thoughtfully and puts a hand to his chin, seemingly happy with the way things are going. "That's true." Mr. Slunchy agrees. "Hey! Try one of these cookies! My wife made them!"**

The doorbell echoed through the house once again. Surprised looks were exchanged. "Now who could that be?" Red wondered aloud. "Maybe the pizza guy came back?"

" **Thanks, Ted! RoboDad takes a cookie and eats it, but then grabs his stomach with a look of pain on his face. Mrs. Slunchy nervously squints while Ted Slunchy just looks angry. RoboMom frets. "Oh no. Honey, is it-" RoboDad confirms her fears.**

" **Yup! Diarrhea!" Many parents and a few students look in the direction of the RoboParents in surprise. Zim's eyes bulge. But it isn't over yet. "I have just the thing for that!" RoboMom exclaims. She lifts a cup of punch and splashes it in RoboDad's face. He wheels backwards into a wall and sparks shoot out of him. RoboMom turns to face Mrs. Slunchy.**

" **Who does your hair?" RoboMom asks then starts poking Mrs. Slunchy so hard that it leaves marks. "Ow, ow, ow! My head!" Mrs. Slunchy yells and starts screaming as a crowd forms to watch. Zim's eyes widen even further in horror.**

" **Mom, I think we should go home now!" Zim frantically suggests. RoboMom turns around to face Zim. Mrs. Slunchy falls into her husband's arms and is led away. "Don't tell me what to do young man! You go to your room!" RoboMom picks Zim up and drops him in the bowl of punch.**

"Wait, how are you not getting burned? Wouldn't the punch burn you?" Dib asks Zim. Zim looks puzzled. "That's actually a good question, and- hey wait you're trying to learn my secrets!" Dib raises his hands in defence.

"I was just curious-" Dib begins but is cut off by Zim. "YOU DARE QUESTION ME?!" 

Zim threw the first punch and a moment later they were rolling around on the floor again. Purple waved pompoms. "GO Bigheady! Whoooo!" Red looked at him with a sigh. "You know, we can't let them fight, right?"

"Wait what?" Purple asked in confusion. Red confirmed what he had said with another sigh. "We can't let them fight. It just wouldn't be right- without popcorn!" He finished cheerfully and pulled yet another bag of popcorn from behind his back.

"I am so glad I took that matter manipulator from that lab. Can you believe they wanted to use it to make some useless unbeatable instant planet converter?" Red chuckled. "Idiots."

"Were we talking about something before?" Purple asked. Red didn't answer as he was transfixed by the screen and so Purple dismissed the topic. "Nah, it was probably nothing."

 **RoboMom wheels away. Zim hops out of the punch bowl, soaking. Dib dumps a cup of punch over Zim's head and Gaz sniggers once again. Zim is about to say something when he hears his RoboParents causing trouble again and goes running to check it out. RoboDad is charging the wall over and over again, leaving a mark and creating sparks on impact. "Hey, is your dad feeling well?" Mr. Elliot asks Zim who answers. "Yes, he's perfectly fine." An electric volt runs from RoboDad's feet to his left arm. His left arm shoots off and flies through the air where it lands right by Mr. Elliot's feet. It wriggles around and Mr. Elliot screams.**

 **Dib laughs but realizes that no one else thinks it's funny. "Nothing to worry about! My dad lost his arm in the, uh, the war!" Zim fibs nervously. RoboDad is on his knees. "That was my squeezin' arm. They took my squeezing arm! Why my squeezing arm?!" RoboDad screams mournfully.**

 **Screams and protests of "Quit pokin' my mom's head!" are heard. Zim grabs RoboDad by the arm and drags him along over to where RoboMom is poking Mrs. Slunchy again. "Look, Mom, we really have to go! Please. Now, please!"**

" **Honey, you're upset!" RoboMom notices. "Yes! And I want to go home!" Zim. Replies crossly.**

Dib manages to escape the whirling tornado that is Zim. As he was about to use the element of surprise leap on Zim (who hadn't noticed that he escaped) and pin him down, a thought occurred to him. "Wait why are we even fighting?" He questioned aloud. He should have stayed silent. Zim heard him and realized that the arm he was viciously pulling on was his own. "Arrrggg!" He screamed as he leapt on Dib and the fight resumed. 

"I hate you Zim!" Dib screamed and the cacophony of thuds and ows resumed. "Ah, the beautiful sounds of Zim in pain." Purple exclaimed, wiping a tear of joy from his eye. "They fill me with such a wonderful feeling."

" **I know what'll cheer you up." RoboMom announces. The RoboParents start river dancing and Dib leans back at the punch table, eating a doughnut and sipping punch. Then he springs forward, pointing at the parent decoys. "Look everyone, look!" He cries out. Some people turn their heads, but most are looking at Mrs. Slunchy. "Can't you see this woman is suffering from severe pokie trauma!?" One woman snaps.**

 **The RoboParents are still river-dancing. Zim is suddenly struck by an idea. "Uck, mom, dad. I think I've broken my spine! My spine!" Zim screams and then pants. "Awe, honey. I think it's time we took you home." RoboMom responds sympathetically. Zim's eyes widen and RoboMom picks him up and holds him in a cradling position. Zim grins, but that grin fades when he realizes the RoboParent's legs are turning into jetpacks. The RoboParents fly away, blasting through the window.**

" **Lemme guess. Nobody saw that, right?" Dib asks. Every single person there is looking away. Dib throws his punch to the ground in frustration. "Hey! That kid's throwing punch!" The entire crowd turns around. A phantom figure slithers through the crowd and materializes in front of Dib as Ms. Bitters, who hisses angrily.**

"Ummm, am I interrupting something?" A new voice asks.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::  
So, what did you guys think? Did I do a good job at making less dialogue and more description? Do you like the reminder of what happened, or the characters present better? Notice any gaping plot holes? Do you think something would improve it? Flick me a review or pm, don't be shy!

Seriously though, even one sentence counts. If you don't feel like writing a huge saga on everything you thought, don't. But I would also be happy with a "this is good." Or a I wonder if …."

Have a great day (Or night) and thanks for reading!


	6. Walk of Doom

HI guys, I'm back with another chapter!

Disclaimer: This is a work of fanfiction. I own none of the rights to Invader Zim.

 **Reviews:**

Rocky Rooster: Yeah, I have a scene planned out that this wouldn't have worked for. I feel your pain though. Hopefully you will find out soon! Maybe somebody will even figure it out on their own :) I've been trying to drop little hints, but they are pretty subtle. Glad you liked the gold brick scene I was worried it might seem a bit silly, but I guess pretty much everything in the IZ fandom is silly!

Guest: I love cliffhangers, and I know I tend to use them a bit too much. But they are so exciting! Glad you liked the scene with the gold as I mentioned to Rocky Rooster I was worried it would be too silly, but everyone keeps telling me how great it was, so I guess not! As for Gaz somebody else actually told me this earlier. I'm working on fixing it.

Invader Johnny: Yeah that could be it. Personally, I actually have a theory about Ms. Bitters and Zim that may come up soon. The pizza guy will certainly not be happy as he just quit his job and insulted his boss to find out it is worthless. Wonder whether he will be able to get his job back? I guess I could maybe write a one-shot about that.

Invader-Battie: :3 Glad you like it and are excited for more! And thanks for reviewing!

Zim'sMostLoyalServant: Yeah it just seemed odd to me. Glad you liked the part about the Bloaty's pizza delivery boy. I was kind of conflicted honestly on who the character should be because I had one in mind when I published the chapter and then another person it could be struck me afterwards. I know who it is now, but the other person should come in later.

Plasmadom Glad you think so! Thanks for taking the time for reviewing and I assure you, you will see more of this story!

Nightmaster000: Glad to hear from you again! I hope that the identity of the new arrival surprises you! :)

On another note, HOLY COW! 29 Reviews! That's a new record for me, my old one was 24!

Ok, I just want to thank everyone here for taking a few seconds of their time to make this possible. You guys are the best! Special thanks to all of my repeat reviewers and a super special thanks to those who have reviewed Every. Single. Chapter. What?! I know right, but it actually happened. So a big shout out to Invader Johnny and Zim'sMostLoyalServant, for being awesome!

But seriously thank you, all of you. I love hearing from you, no matter how simple it is. You guys are the ones who make this all possible, so be proud of yourselves! :)

In the Room at the Moment

Gaz

Both Tallest

Zim

Dib

"Umm, am I interrupting something?" A new voice asked. Dib and Zim froze in the middle of their fight and Red and Purple looked at the newcomer in surprise. Purple was the first to speak. "Umm, who on Irk are you?!"

"Oh right, how rude of me." The stranger realized. "Xooxi, Grand Jooxoo of the Dooxisi Invasion Corps and Ruler of the Earth at your service!" Xooxi was standing by the mouth of a tunnel that had punctured the floor of Zim's base. It spiraled down and down as far as the eye could see, fading into darkness.

"Wait, did you say you were a Dooxisi? I thought the Dooxisi are all extinct!" Xooxi suddenly looked sad. "I'm the last of my kind." He admitted sadly. A depressing gloom settled over the room which was abruptly shattered by Zim.

"Yeah yeah, so sad. Such tragedy. Can we move on now? What are you doing here?" Zim questioned but the Dooxisi just looked sad. "I felt bad about our little falling out. And I'm so lonely. It's just when you said I was boring, I just I..." The alien burst out in tears. He buried his head into the fur of one of the giant moles that had climbed up from the hole while they were talking. The mole patted his back awkwardly.

"So what do you say, can we be friends again?" Dooxisi asked. Zim just looked awkward. "I even brought Blumpo: The Endless Circle 2! It's the paint drying addition. We can play it right now!"

"Wait, wasn't that banned like a thousand years ago because it was causing people to die of pure boredom?" Purple whispered suspiciously to Red who nodded in confirmation. He grimaced but managed to change it to a smile last second when he noticed that Xooxi was looking at him. "Ummm, that sounds really fun but I actually have a better idea."

"Better than Blumpo? I don't know about that. " Xooxi asked skeptically. Zim spoke up. "Yes, quickly resume the footage! Anything would be better than playing that terrible, stupid, imbic- lovely game which Zim loves too much for words to express." Zim finished, having noticed the giant moles glaring at him.

"But it's better than The Blumpo you say?" Xooxi asked. They all nodded in certainty. "Then what are we waiting for? Let's see this footage."

 **GIR in disguise falls from the ceiling in the living room and lands on the couch. He uses a cushion as a spring-board and bounces into the center of the room. "Yeeee-HOOOO! I'm running, I'm running!" GIR continues screaming happily as he runs along the archway in between the living room and the kitchen. He runs into the kitchen and steps on the lever that opens the trashcan as he runs by it.**

 **He runs around the toilet and around the table and then jumps into the air. He hits the wall with a grunt right above the open trashcan and slides into it. He continues screaming as he slides down into the underground lab, the trashcan closes behind him.**

 **In the lab, Zim works the levers of some mechanical arms. The mechanical arms are inside a large tube. One of them is a claw that holds a computer chip. The other is a laser pen-looking thing that Zim uses on the chip.**

 **GIR slides into the lab through a high-tech laundry-chute-like tube. He slides across the floor and eventually comes to a stop, removing his disguise. " I'm naked!" GIR yells and starts running around the lab. "GIR! Sit still! I need quiet to repair your guidance systems box." Zim snaps.**

" **I don't need it! I don't need it!" GIR shrieks. He grunts as he runs into the same laundry-chute-thing he came out of. He falls to the ground, his eyes lacking color now. The top of the tube opens up and the mechanical claw arm holding the chip lifts it above the tube. Zim takes the chip and speaks proudly. "Done. The finest in Irken guidance technology, and I have improved it."**

 **Zim starts walking forward. "With these upgrades, GIR, there will be nothing that you cannot find, no situation that you cannot guide us out of." Zim presses the tip of GIR's antenna and the top of his head opens up, revealing a beehive in his head. Bees start flying around. "BEEES!" Zim shrieks and grabs the beehive and sticks it into the laundry-chute-thing, where it is sucked upwards along with the bees.**

" **Now, if we could just work on your behavior." Zim muses. He begins sticking the chip into GIR's head. "Aw, my bees..." Zim lifts his hands from GIR's head since the chip is now in place.**

" **You now possess superior geographic guidance abilities, GIR." Zim informs the robot who responds. Finally. Zim hunches over a laptop-like device. "Report upgrade status." GIR hops to attention, now in Duty Mode, and salutes.**

" **Sir, guidance chip in place and fully functional, sir!" GIR lowers his saluting hand. "Demonstrate. Which way is... the skool?" Zim commands. GIR squints and looks around. He goes into search mode a moment later points up to his upper right. This pleases Zim.**

" **Good, GIR! Now, something tougher. Where is planet Blorch?" GIR goes into search mode again then points to his upper left. Zim is pleased once again. "Excellent! Now, where is our home planet, Irk?" GIR moves his finger a tiny bit.**

Dib watched the screen deep in thought. There was certainly more to that robot than what met the eye. It was crazy most of the time but sometimes it seemed like the loose wires in its head popped into place. Dib was pretty sure that despite what Zim claimed it was broken. And it would be up to him to make sure it was never fixed because from what he could see if it was ever fixed it would be a real threat to Earth.

" **Perfect! Okay, GIR. I think a field test is in order." Zim decides.** **GIR relaxes, reverts to normal mode, and walks up to one of the monitors that is playing static. "Let's go into the nearby city and get as lost as we can." The monitor goes from static to the Scary Monkey Show.**

" **GIR, no cheating! Shut your chip off first." GIR protests. "Do we have to go right now? I wanna watch the Scary Monkey Show!" Zim turns around and glares at the television.**

" **That monkey..." Zim fumes. "As soon as we're lost enough you just use the chip to guide us home. Now, put your disguise back on! I have devised a new, even more insidiously clever disguise for myself!"**

 **The front door opens and the disguised GIR walks out on a leash. Zim, with his new disguise, walks out behind him, holding the leash. His new disguise includes a coat, a beard, and a hat with a flower sticking out of it.**

"Heh, not bad." Xooxi commented. "You know when I first conquered the moles I had to use a disguise too. Of course, moles are much smarter than humans -not much isn't- so it was a better disguise. I have pictures!"

At the mention of pictures a look of fear came over Zims face. He was not doing this again.

The Tallest felt the same way. It was less intense than Zim's reaction and was more nervous than terrified as they had only heard tales but you could tell they didn't like the idea anyways. That is, you could tell if you were anybody but Xooxi. The alien remained oblivious.

He pulled a photo album out from behind his back. "This is me in my very first disguise!" They reluctantly leaned over to look at the image after being sent glares by the mole guards who were positioned ominously behind Xooxi. It was an image of Xooxi wearing a long blond wig and a bow tie.. Otherwise he looked exactly the same. "I fooled them immediately! They accepted me as one of their own."

"And then I went to the ball. We danced and danced and I saw this caterpillar. Oooh, I took pictures of that too! Let's see."

"And then I stared at the leaf for about an hour waiting for it to change colors. But it stayed green! So I waited and waited.."

"I was so surprised when I noticed the donut had a hole in it that I just had to take a picture."

He talked for what seemed like forever. Whenever he looked over at them they pretended to be interested. All except for Gaz that is. She was still playing her game. The moles had tried to intimidate her into listening at first until she- shudder. Let's just say they were leaving her alone now.

"Oh drat, I'm all out of pictures." The Dooxisi exclaimed in disappointment. I better go back to my lair and get some more.

"Wait, please don't do that!" Purple pleaded. He looked to be on the verge of crying. The Xooxi looked puzzled. "Wait, don't you like my pictures?" The moles snarled at Purple who cowered back.

"We do, it's just that-" Purple began but Zim interrupted. "We like them so much that if we see anymore we will explode with happiness. Then we won't be able to see any more of your amazing pictures!" Purple shot Zim a gratefully look. He never thought he would be grateful for anything Zim did but he guessed there was a first time for everything.

"Well, that's a good point." Xooxi agreed, relaxing. "If you exploded I wouldn't be able to show you any more of my pictures."

"Wait- what?" Dib jolted up. He had fallen asleep almost as soon as the Dooxisi had started talking.

" **Be alert, GIR! On this planet we are surrounded by danger, and madness!" Zim commands. The robotic dog responds. "Ooh, I like madness!" Zim looks around nervously as he walks GIR along the sidewalk. Zim frowns as they walk past a shop that has rows of TVs in a display window, all playing the Scary Monkey Show. GIR stops to watch, but Zim keeps walking and GIR is dragged along because of the leash. They walk along more streets and shops and when they reach a street corner, a Chihuahua walks in front of them, frightening Zim and causing him to call out in fear.**

" **Madness!" He shrieks.**

"That was kind of an over-reaction." Red commented. Purple spoke up. "I actually get why Zim screamed, that dog is kind of creepy. Did you see its ear?"

"I'm pretty sure it watches me while I sleep." Gaz casually commented. Everybody glanced around the room nervously, wondering whether the Girl was serious.

"You're all wrong." Zim informed them. "Except maybe the Dib-sister. And the part about the dog being creepy is correct. But Madness is actually the dog's name. It told me so."

"What do you mean it told you so?" Dib asked slowly. "Dogs don't speak." A creepy tune suddenly filled the room.

"Quiet!" Zim shrieked and the music ceased.

 **Zim and GIR walk into a park where a mime has a crowd. The crowd members step forward and start giving the mime change. Zim drags GIR along, and ends up back in the street corner he was at a second ago. "Okay. I think I've had my fill of these horrible... stink-people-things for today. So activate your guidance chip and lead the way to home!" Zim decides. GIR looks around and then points upward. Zim looks baffled, then chuckles a bit. "No. No GIR, not Irk. I meant our home base here on Earth."**

" **Oh, here." GIR answers and points downward. Zim is not pleased but he is used to the robot by now. "Our HOUSE, GIR! Which direction is our house?"**

" **Um, that way." GIR points behind them. He looks around and changes his mind. "No, wait, um, it's over there." GIR points to another random direction. Zim was really getting frustrated now.**

" **How could you not know! I just upgraded your guidance system!" Zim asked in exasperation. GIR replied. "Oh, I left that at home."**

" **You left what at home?" Zim asks with a growing sense of dread. He knew what the answer would be but he still hoped he was wrong. GIR confirmed his fears. "The guidey, chippy, thingy."**

" **You! Why would you do that!?" Zim shouted. GIR unzips the top of his disguise and a cupcake pops out. "To make room for the cupcake!" GIR starts eating it sloppily. When he finishes it, he licks the wrapper.**

" **How could you do this? You've left us stranded in the middle of the enemy territory!" Zim shrieks. "Surrounded by humans!"**

 **GIR's eyes start to tear up, as he looks sadly up at his master. Zim sighs. "I can see that you understand your mistake, GIR, and me being angry will get us no closer to home. I will just have to use my innate invader survival skills to get us out of here."**

Dib had to agree that that was really stupid of the robot. Once again it occurred to him that something was up with that robot. It was very unlike Zim to be as kind and forgiving as he was to GIR. He seemed to have a soft spot for the robot for some reason. Dib was sure he could exploit that.

 **Zim walks over to a trashcan. "See, GIR? The Almighty Tallest have not placed their trust in me without reason."**

 **Zim hops into the trashcan. GIR sobs and looks at the cupcake wrapper. "I miss you, cupcake." Zim pops out of the trashcan with scraps of metal in his hand. "I will use these pieces of scrap metal to fashion a compass." Zim announces and starts folding the scrap metal.**

" **Using this planet's own magnetic field against it! Zim turns around. "Now, witness the power of my compass!" Zim turns around again and shows GIR the compass, which beeps. Zim moves it from side to side but the arrow constantly points at GIR. Then the compass flies out of Zim's hands and attaches to**

 **GIR.**

" **Aw... It likes me!" Zim makes a decision. "Perhaps a compass is not the best tool for this situation." Zim grabs the compass and throws it in the garbage can.**

" **Why don't we ask the information humans for help?" GIR suggests and points toward a nearby building bearing the words "INFORMATION CENTER"Zim shoots down the idea. "I will not stoop so low as to ask the hew-mans for help!"**

'Classic Zim.' Dib thought with a scowl. 'If only the stupid irken had accepted the help then this footage would probably be over and I wouldn't be stuck here watching it.'

Though he had learned a lot that would be very useful in his mission to stop the oncoming invasion, he was hungry and tired and despite himself he really just wanted to go home.

Red noticed the foul mood the boy was in. He could guess what was the cause of it. "Look, it's not so bad, I mean this footage is pretty interesting." Red told him, thinking of how often he had gotten to see Zim get hurt in the last couple hours both on screen and in person. Of course he couldn't just say that out loud with Zim right there.

 **A bus passes by them and then starts backing up to where they are. "You speak nonsense, GIR! We help ourselves." " What.. about.. the.. bus?" GIR reads the words written on the side of the vehicle. A man who was waiting at the bus stop boards the bus and dumps some change into the change bin.**

" **Excellent, GIR! We will use one of their own methods of transportation to beat this revolting city!" Zim and GIR take the front seats right behind the driver. The bus driver notices them. "Where d'you think you're goin'?"**

" **I go home. Now mind your business, bus slave!" Zim commands. The bus driver responds with irritation. "You don't go anywhere without bus fare!" She coughs and points to the change bin.**

" **Fare?" Zim asks. The bus driver snorts. "This ain't a free ride, little man You need money!"**

" **You expect me to pay to be on this filthy machine? Have you the brain worms!?" Zim screams as he is kicked off the bus, followed by GIR who grunts as he hits the ground and bounces. "Fine! I don't need your bus! I will use the power of your sun to find my way!"**

" **Are we gonna ride the sun home?" GIR wonders. Zim corrects him. "No, GIR. I can use the Earth's sun to determine which direction is west. The Earth's sun always sets in the west. Now watch me amaze you!"**

 **Zim stares into the Sun. "Hmmm, emmm, mmmm." Zim's eyes start smoking. They begin to bubble up and fry. "Wait a minute... I'M BLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIND!" Zim starts running around.**

" **AAAH! NO! HELP! NO!" Zim continues screaming as GIR squeals happily, running after Zim. "No! GIR! I think they booby-trapped their sun somehow!" Zim runs into a wall and slides down it, moaning. His eyes are still smoking and bubbled over.**

The tallest giggle. Despite his many flaws, Zim was at least a reliable source of amusement. Never one to be left Zim joined in with maniacal laughter.

" **A minor setback, GIR. We'll be home in no time. I'll just wait until the skin grows back on my eyeballs!" It goes from daylight to night. Zim wakes up and rubs his eyes which are now back to normal. " GIR! I can see! I can see! Now we can figure out how to escape this filthy place." GIR wiggles around, asleep, and makes funny noises.**

" **Get a job, ya bum!" A passerby yells at Zim who is struck by an idea. "That's it! If we can find a job, we can make money. With this money, we can ride the bus! I'm going to beat you, city! You won't make a fool of this Irken invader!"**

 **The park is full of people performing their acts in a desperate attempt to earn money. Zim is one of them. His hat lies on the ground, and people put change into it. Zim acts like a mime, and GIR acts like a windup toy. GIR rotates slowly, and then spins around. A pale-faced man wearing the same clothes as Zim and holding a bag of stolen money peeks his head through the crowd. He stares slack-jawed, as Zim does what resembles a karate move. The man smiles. He approaches and puts some money in the hat.**

"You know, Earth does not look at all how I expected." The others looked over at Red in expectation of elaboration and he obliged. "We didn't see that much of it before this clip. From what Zim said I kind of expected it to be a pile of garbage inhabited by a bunch of hideous primates but it isn't really that. It's just really ugly useless and stupid."

"If it is useless then why did you send an invader to conquer it?" Dib questioned. He felt like Zim's leaders had just let a very important hint slip out, but he wasn't sure exactly what it meant. Purple glared at Red who wrung his hands together nervously until Zim spoke up. "It's a trick! You see they know how useless they are so they never see my brilliance coming!"

"Yeah what Zim said." Red replied, calming down. Dib frowned to himself. "Hmmm." He muttered. He still knew something was off here but he just couldn't figure out what it was. But he knew it was big. What was he missing?

 **The bus driver opens the bus door and sees GIR and Zim waiting there, Zim holding the hat full of money. Gir speaks. " I'm gonna eat a rat!" The bus driver raises an eyebrow but Zim dumps the contents of the hat into the change bin and begins walking towards the seats "Finally, we are heading home!" The bus goes forward a couple of feet but then gets caught in a traffic jam. Traffic is at a standstill along the entire street. Zim and GIR walk along the aisles.**

" **I smell dooky!" GIR announces. Zim looks around at the people on the bus then back at GIR. He repeats this process, seemingly getting more and more nervous. He starts sweating then finally snaps. "I cannot stay on this bus any longer!"**

 **They run out of the bus and it drives away, leaving Zim and GIR on the sidewalk. "What is wrong with these people!? This place is just begging to be destroyed!" GIR kicks a can of Poop-brand soda and agrees. "Woo! I like destroying!"**

"I'm sorry, but this is boring." Xooxi spoke up. The others looked at him like he was crazy. How could he think those horrible pictures were interesting and think this was boring? "How about a game of Blumpo? It's the endless circle that makes the world go 'round!"

"Noooo!" Zim shrieked in horror. He remembered the moles and quickly muttered. "I mean no thank you."

"I'm sorry but I just can't stand being here anymore." Xooxi said confessed sadly. "You guys are nice and everything but you're just all so incredibly boring!" He headed toward the tunnel and just as he was about to enter he turned around to face them.

"You guys could come with me, it would be fun," He proposed. "I could even show you the rest of my pictures!"

Dibs eyes widened as he realized something. This was his chance to ecape! He jumped to his feet. "I'll go!" He volunteered. Xooxis face lit up. "Really? Great! Let's go!" The others looked at the poor oblivious boy in pity.

"Well, it was nice knowing you kid." Red murmured. Xooxi heard him mutter something and turned to face him. "Are you coming?"

"As tempting as that offer is, I'm going to have to refuse. I am very busy …. ummm …. with… doing …. Something. Yeah, that's it I'm doing something."

As Dib was about to go over to where Xooxi was Red bent over to whisper a warning in his ear. "I wouldn't do that he's a-" The moles loom over them all distracting Red mid-sentence. "I'm a what?"

"Awesome guy! Have fun kid." Red stuttered nervously. Dib turned to his sister. "Gaz come with me!" He pleaded.

Xooxi smiled. "Yes, come with us. The more the merrier! I can bust out the family edition!" Gaz grunted. "Anything beats hanging out with these losers."

Gaz pressed a button on the side of the remote. The gaming device compressed itself into the little cube once again which Gaz picked up. All three of them headed into the tunnel, the moles trailing behind.

" **GIR! I have a plan!" Zim looks at the taller buildings. "Ocular implants are standard Invader issue. From the top of that building my incredible eyes should be able to spot our neighborhood. Come on!"**

" **'Kay." GIR responds. As Zim approaches the bank entrance, police cars pull up to the building. Inside, a woman talks to the police. The bank entrance is open but police lines stop people from entering. Zim and GIR walk under the police line. Zim sees the sign that says 'stairs' and smiles. They proceed towards the stair when the bank teller screams. "OOOOOH! It's him!" A police officer looks at a picture from the security cam of the man seen earlier who was dressed like Zim with a bag of stolen money.**

"Wow, that person is dressed the same as Zim! What are the chances of that?" Purple pointed out. Red had an idea. "It must be a popular earth outfit. Remember? We saw another human earlier wearing the same hat and with the thing on his chin."

"It is known as a beard." Zim explained, proud of his expertise on humans. " I believe they are a form of hair."

"So, wait they aren't clothes?" Purple wondered aloud. "Why don't Dup or his sister have one?"

"I'm not sure." Zim admitted. "I think they must be a sign of power and Dib-worm is too stupid to earn one. I'm not quite sure about the Dib-sister though as she seems intimidating enough to gain one. Not that she intimidates me."

 **He lowers the photo and looks at Zim. "Hey, that's the guy! And he's back for moooooooooooore!" The officer pauses for a moment then shrieks. "Get him!"**

 **Zim screams as the police start running after him. He runs to the door that leads to the stairs. He starts climbing the stairs when his arachnid robot legs come out of his PAK and help him go faster. He picks up GIR and carries him along. They make it to the roof.**

 **They both scream as Zim jumps off the roof but uses the spider legs to cling onto the ledge. "Okay, now, where do we go from here?" Zim looks from building to building and settles on a spot. "There! That looks about right. Now, GIR, use your jets to fly us home." A helicopter hovers in front of where Zim and GIR are, shining lights on them.**

" **Yessir!" GIR's jets activate and Zim's arachnid robo legs retract into his backpack. Zim rides on GIR and GIR squeals as he dodges a net that the police helicopter drops. They swerve around the helicopter and when it is out of sight, GIR's jets start to go out. Zim gasps and they scream as GIR heads on a crash course into an alleyway. They land in a dumpster, scaring a dog away. Zim crawls out of the dumpster and GIR lifts his head up, with an empty box of Krispy O's on his head. "What happened!? How did you run out of fuel that quickly!?" GIR knocks the empty cereal box off his head. "I emptied it out."**

" **Emptied it? Why!?" Zim asks. GIR hops out of the dumpster. "To make room for the TOO-NAA!"**

"Argggg!" Dib shouts a victory cry as he hurtles out of the tunnel. His eyes darted crazily around his clothes were caked in mud. "The horror! The horror!"

"Umm, are you ok?" Red asked Dib who just mumbled something to himself. Purple commented. "I think that the boredom has driven him crazy!"

"In just a couple of minutes?" He received a sad nod in confirmation. "Aww man, who will fight with Zim for our entertainment now?"

A rumbling was heard from the tunnel behind them. The rumbling grew and grew until with a final boom the whole tunnel collapsed in on itself. Dib looked up in shock. He really hoped Gaz had gotten away. She had escaped way before he had. The alien had sent several armed moles after he but they had never come back. Despite their issues, she was still his sister and he hoped with all his heart that she was ok.

 **GIR pops off one of his feet and starts sucking tuna sloppily from his open leg. Zim cringes. "Okay. Hey!" A taxi pulls over and Zim and GIR enter.**

 **The cab driver coughs. "Where to?" Zim replies. "** **You think I won't be ready, but you're wrong, presumptuous cab beast! I have prepared myself for this moment, and it is paid off in full! You see, the Invaders learn from their mistakes, however rare they may be! Now, human, take me to... that way!"**

 **Zim points to his right. "And quickly! In case you haven't noticed, I've been trying to go home!" The cab drives off. The screen cuts to a street in Mexico where Zim gets off.**

Meanwhile

Gaz smiled as she climbed out of one of the many tunnel that served as exits of Xooxi's lair. She looked back at Zim's house which was across the street and wondered for a moment whether she should call for help. After all, Dib was still her brother no matter how annoying he was. She thought on it for a minute then came to the obvious conclusion. Nah.

 **And done! I have a few questions for you guys.**

 **Is this story getting predictable?**

 **Is it still interesting?**

 **What characters would you like to see in the future?**

 **Please please please favorite and review! :)**

 **I'll give everyone who reviews a million dollars! Well actually I don't have a million dollars but I can give you an imaginary million.**


	7. Germs

Hi guys, here is the new chapter for you! I am sorry it took a bit longer, life has just been crazy. With relatives visiting, my birthday, and a nasty bug along with other crazy things all within a short amount of time, I had trouble finding time to work on this, but I really didn't want to keep you guys waiting. Because you guys have just been so amazingly supportive! Did you know I got 7 reviews on the last chapter? True story!

Disclaimer- This is a work of fanfiction, I own none of the rights to Invader Zim.

 **Reviews**

Rocky Rooster- Yeah Xooxi is just such a quirky character that he just had to join the fun! And anyone who likes a game that is literally a contest on who can stand the boredom longest without going insane clearly does have a weird sense of excitement!

Cf96- :) Glad you think so!

Guest- Yeah I like Gaz but I think that unless you are pretty much a professional writer she sits best in small quantities. Glad that you are enjoying the story so far and thanks for reviewing!

Zim'sMostLoyalServant- Yeah I am trying not to make this too predictable. Who knows whether we will see Gaz again? Well I guess you will just have to keep reading to find out!

SaintHeartwing- Thanks for the constructive criticism! As I've said before I welcome all opinions and I love the chance to make sure my writing is the best it can be. I kind of feel that the title is a bit misleading, to them it is just like a normal video. I don't think that it has really occurred to them that anybody would share this footage. They kind of realize it is like a show but they don't really think of it as an actual show like you would see on tv. And even though I love them, the Invader Zim characters can be kind of oblivious. It's kind of part of the joke that revolves. Does that kind of make some sense? I'm sorry I'm so bad at explaining things. Anyways, thanks for your input!

Invader Battie- In a good "didn't see that coming" way or a bad "ummm what?" way?

Invader Johnny- Yeah, he is certainly an interesting character. And I think the Tallest would be grateful toward anyone who could make the agony of the boredom stop. And as I told Zim'sMostLoyalServant, you will just have to keep reading to find out!

 **Characters in the Room**

Both Tallest

Zim

Dib

Dib seated himself on the couch unchallenged. An awkward silence consumed the room for a few minutes, unsure of whether they should try to talk to him or pretend nothing happened and that he didn't look like a train wreck. And he really did. His clothes were ruined, they were all ripped up as well as caked with mud. His arms were all scraped, and his eye was blackened. His eyes were wild and his signature hairstyle had been messed up making him look like some sort of feral beast. And so they just sat there until the wild look in his eyes faded somewhat and his breathing quieted.

"So, ummm." Purple nervously spoke. He waited for a reply, drumming his fingers on his side. He received no response. "So how's your day going?" Dib shot him a scathing look.

"That's a stupid question." Dib aggressively stated and Purple's fingers increased the rate of their nervous tapping.

"Hey wait, what happened to the remote?" Red noticed, speaking partially out of curiosity but mostly to interrupt the silence that was bearing down on them. Dib was busy sulking and showed no interest in answering, and Purple was busy eying Dib nervously. It seemed like the awkward silence would go on forever so they all jumped when Zim spoke in an overly loud voice, almost a shout. "Oh, I think GIR sucked that up into his head tornado. Did you need it?"

"Well, the footage kind of pauses on its own which works, so I guess not. Still would have been nice to have." Red explained. As soon as he was done speaking the overbearing silence weighed down on them again. Finally, Purple cracked. "Just play it already, weird stalker person, and let the madness end!"

 **Alien spaceships decend, firing lasers and further damaging an already smoking city. A scientist watches the attack from a window. He runs over to a table where some more scientists are sitting. He cries out. "What are we going to do? In only a matter of hours the alien scourge will bring the human race to its knees!"**

 **"** **I know! Let's build a giant space station, evacuate all the people, and live among the stars!" Another scientist suggests, but is shut down by the first scientist. "There's not enough time for that!"**

 **"** **Can we build a small station and just evacuate all the scientists?" All the scientists grin approvingly.**

"Wait who are those people? When did this happen?" Red wondered aloud in confusion. He didn't think that he had seen them before and none of the others showed any clear recognition. Dib muttered to himself. "This all seems vaguely familiar."

Zim felt the same way. He was sure he had seen this somewhere before. The question was, from where?

 **The sound of a woman clearing her throat is heard. The scientists glance to where a female scientist is standing along with an insectoid alien in a tube. The alien growls and the scientists gasp in fear. The woman speaks. "Allow me to make a demonstration." She pulls out a pepper shaker.**

 **"** **Right! We'll destroy them with pepper!" The scientist from before concludes. The female scientist just stares for a long time before she pours some pepper into her hand. She lifts the pepper up to her nose and inhales. She starts breathing heavily as she is about to sneeze. The female scientist grabs a mouthpiece that is connected to a tubing that links to the tube that the alien is encased in. She sneezes into the mouthpiece and a large bulge of snot moves through the tubing. It sprays on the alien. The alien shrieks, wriggles around, swells up and then explodes. "The aliens are allergic... to GERMS!"**

"Oh yeah that's that ridiculous movie I watched that one night when I was bored." Dib realizes. Red snorts. "Well you are right about it being ridiculous. What reasonable alien race would be allergic to germs? That's just stupid."

Nobody noticed when Zim flinched slightly at the mention of the g word. Though he had eventually gotten over the whole thing when the- well that was another story. The bottom line was that as a result of the events he was not as nervous about germs as he was before, but it was still a touchy subject.

"This whole movie is stupid" Dib confirmed. "I really don't get why we have to watch it."

 **She uses a pointer to point to the word 'GERMS' written on a chalkboard. On an open plain, some soldiers march up to where giant versions of the alien that was in the tube loom. More of the alien spacecraft hover above them. The soldiers sneeze on the aliens, which begin exploding. We zoom in on flag that has the Planet Earth on it and some red words pop up. "HOORAY FOR EARTH"**

 **"** **Hooray for Earth!" GIR cries out as the words "The End" pop up on the television screen. "GIR! Earth is our enemy!" Zim scolds.**

 **"** **I understand." GIR replies. Zim ranted aloud. "Stupid human propaganda! The very concept of a superior alien species being felled by something as pathetic as...germs... is sheer fantasy!"**

"Oh ok, so we don't have to watch the whole thing." Dib realized. They had just been seeing something Zim had watched. Dib hadn't realized that Zim watched human movies, he supposed he could add that fact to the growing pile of things he had learned about Zim. "I was worried there."

"But, why did we have to see that at all?" Purple wondered aloud. Red answered him. "The movie must be important somehow. Can you think of anything that could be important about it?"

"Welll…." Dib drew out the end of the word as he considered it. Could the germ thing be… no that was ridiculous, right? Some kid in class always had a snotty nose and as far as he knew Zim had gone near them and suffered no obvious side effects. He dismissed the idea. "Not really."

 **"** **Do they really believe that could happen?" Zim starts laughing, and GIR joins in. Zim abruptly stops, but GIR continues giggling as Zim scampers away. GIR hesitates for a second, and then bursts out laughing again.**

"So…." Purple paused as if waiting for somebody else to speak. "Are you going to apologize?"

"For what?" Red asked in confusion and Purple looked at him like he had just said the most stupid thing in the world. "Not you, Dip."

"Wait me?" Dib asked in surprise. He wracked his brain for what the alien could possibly be talking about but came up empty so he asked. "Why should I have to apologize?"

"You called me stupid, and now you have to apologize." Purple outed, sticking out his lower lip. Red sighed. He and Purple got along well enough, but it was moments like these that made him want to launch him into the nearest sun.

"Why should I?" Dib asked. He now knew what Purple was talking about. And he refused to play that game. "It was a stupid question, and you're an evil alien dictator! I'm not apologizing!"

"Well then…" Purple sulked. "I'm not talking to you anymore." He waited for a response but received none. "I said I'm not talking to you anymore!" He repeated.

"Ok then." Dib responded, not caring. He was astounded at how immature the Irken was acting, how could this idiot be the leader of an advanced and dangerous alien race? The next words that came out of Purple's mouth only made this thought intensify. "Well, you are the stupid one. So there!" He said with great finality.

 **The scene cuts to Zim sitting at a chair in his lab learning about germs from his computer.**

 **"** **Trying to conquer an alien world? Remember, never underestimate the small threats... like GERMS!" The computer says. The word 'Germs' flashes on the monitor. "Yes, germs. Every planet has them, and many an invading life form has been thwarted by these invisible enemies."**

 **Zim gasps at this information. "It's true!"**

 **"** **So whether you are out conquering worlds or are just concerned about these tiny pests, make sure you're prepared with a pair of germ-spotting microgoggles." A rotating 3-D model of a pair of microgoggles is seen in the monitor. "Click here for a free five-second demo." Says the computer.**

 **Zim pushes his finger up to a little symbol on the monitor. Music plays and a panel next to the monitor lifts up and light pours from the ceiling onto it. A laser creates a wire frame of the goggles then goes through them again to make them solid "Oooh, neat!" Zim puts on the goggles and speaks to himself. "Now, let's see this mighty human threat!"**

"Hey Zim, I'm home!" The sound of a door slamming was heard. Another Irken approached the group. Zim was the first to speak. "Who are you?"

"Ummmm…" The Invader hummed in confusion. What was going on here? "Skoodge?"

"Who?" Zim asked, seemingly just as confused. Skoodge spoke again. "I've been living in your basement since I destroyed Blorch?" Zim just grunted in confusion.

"I helped you stop that giant planet hugging monster?" Skoodge reminded him, but Zim just said. "Nope, doesn't ring any bells."

Skoodge sighed. "Your nickname for me is 'Stubby'?" Zim's eyes lit up in recognition. "Oh yes, good to see you again Stubby!" Zim was no longer confused but someone else was.

"Hey wait, didn't we shoot you into Blorch?" Red questioned. Purple chimed in as well. "Yeah! I distinctly remember shooting you into Blorch."

"Yeah, but I'm ok now."

 **Zim turns around in his chair. "Demo mode activated." From Zim's view, we see large blotches of germs all over the lab. Zim screams as he looks at all the germs in the lab. Zim takes a breath and screams even more. The microgoggles fade and disappear. Zim cowers in his chair, whimpering. "Wasn't that neat? Thank you for trying microgoggles."**

Zim shuddered, his visitor forgotten. Seeing it on the screen had brought up painful and horrifying memories. It was almost as bad as when he had seen it in person.

Purple snorted at his reaction. "Zim you're overreacting. Those goggles are obviously a scam, there's no way there could be that many germs around us."

"Well actually…." Dib corrected. Purple stared at him in horror. "Don't tell me.."

"Germs aren't really my area of expertise, but I think there could easily be that many in the room right now." Dib admitted. Purple's eyes widened. He scanned the room as if staring hard enough would make the microscopic creatures visible "What is wrong with this planet!"

Dib sighed. He wondered that himself every day. Was it really worth it to sacrifice so much for a planet that treated him like dirt? That would probably never appreciate him? Sometimes he thought the answer was no.

Still he knew that if he let the planet fall, he would be no better than the people who mocked him. He would be just as bad as the skool kids who tied his shoe laces together. He would be just as bad as the people who would cross the street when he walked on the same walkway as them.

Dib didn't want to be one of them. He wanted to be the good guy, to be the shining beacon in a dark and forsaken world. And no matter how hard it got he knew that he could never stop trying. Besides, being ordinary was over-rated anyways.

 **"** **If you like what you saw, please order the full version." Zim, still shaking, turns around in his chair and presses the goggles on the screen. "Thank you. Please wait for delivery." The view switches to the outside of the house. We see a huge rock fall down and bounce on Zim's walkway, cracking it as it goes along. It stops at Zim's door. The top opens up and a mechanical hand lifts out and rings the doorbell. The rock cracks open and shatters into many bits revealing a package inside.**

Dib stared intently at the screen, amazed at what he had just seen. That had been amazing! He had seen what many people would consider modern marvels of technology -what with living with his Dad and all- but once again he was reminded of how little they had actually achieved. If only he could analysis the machinery and compare it with the rest of the notes he had managed to scrape together, then he could maybe somehow reverse engineer….

That was when Dib realized something. He almost slapped himself. At some point he had gone from taking notes to just watching the show. He wracked his brain for what he had learned and began frantically recording it.

 **The door opens and Zim, carefully peers out and grabs the package with napkins over his gloves to ensure clean hands. Zim opens the box and pulls out the microgoggles, putting them on. He screams some more now that he sees the germs once again. He begins to have a panic attack and loses balance. "So... much... filth!"**

"So, are we just going to sit here?" Skoodge asked awkwardly. He was getting really confused. Though this was not the weirdest thing he had ever walked into -don't ask- it wasn't every you walk into your house to see your supreme leaders, your boss and his sworn enemy all sitting around watching….. something. What was it they were watching again?

Time Skip

"And so WSP has us trapped here." Dib finished. Red raised an eyebrow. "WSP?"

"It's short for Weird Stalker Person. I figured that we should have something to call it. I mean something that's not such a mouthful. They nodded. It made sense.

"So wait, you guys are just sitting here?" Skoodge asked. The Tallest glared at him. "Hey, are you judging us? I think I think he's judging us!"

"No, no, no! I'm not judging you, you guys are … amazing… really!" Skoodge stuttered, flustered. Skoodge knew he was not the bravest Invader out there, but he thought he was getting better at it. He always got nervous around the Tallest. They were just so…. tall!

Dib couldn't help it, he felt sorry for the guy. He couldn't bring himself to hate Zim's accomplice. He just wasn't…. evil. "Well, I guess so. When you put it that way it sounds really bad." Skoodge looked grateful for the rescue.

 **Zim walks very carefully over towards the kitchen. The front door opens and GIR stands in the doorway holding a mud-covered pig above his head. "Let's go to my room, pig!" GIR runs out.**

 **Zim walks back into the living room wearing the microgoggles and holding a bucket of soapy water and a mop, and a can of germs spray. "I never even suspected that the battle for the planet would ever take place in my own fortress! Hear me now, germs! Prepare yourselves for destruction!"**

 **Zim begins an intensive cleaning procedure. Arms come down and help him in his procedure until his microgoggles show no germs. "Ah. The stink of clean" The microgoggles zoom into a place between the tiles where a single germ squirms about. Zim screams. He hops down and crawls to the tiles where the germ is and starts spraying with his germ spray can. The tiny germ coughs and gags as Zim sprays it. The germ collapses but Zim continues spraying. "Another win for the Irken army! Clean lemony fresh victory is mine!"**

"You know what?" Dib decided. "Why aren't we doing anything? We don't have to put up with this! WSP may have us trapped, but that doesn't mean that we have to go down without a fight!"

"Why?" Purple questioned. Dib stared at the Irken, surprised that his rousing speech hadn't worked. "I mean, we have everything we need here. This footage is actually kind of entertaining. Besides, you know every time somebody tries to escape it ends in pain for them."

"You can try though if you want, it might be funny." Red snickered. Dib was getting frustrated. He could try to escape on his own, but any plan would be much more likely to succeed with multiple people. Not that these idiots would be much use anyways, but he would take anything he could get at this point. "Aren't you worried that the footage will show something embarrassing. Do you really want this thing to expose all of your embarrassing secrets?"

Red snorted. "I never do anything embarrassing." He said dismissively. "Really, nothing?" Skoodge asked in awe. It seemed unlikely but then again, he was the Tallest!

"Nope, I'm perfect." Red confirmed. Purple smirked mischievously. "Really, what about the time you-" Red was not amused.

"Shut up!" He hissed at his snickering counterpart. "You promised you would never mention that again!" He turned away from the still laughing Purple and spoke to Dib.

"I told you, it just ends in pain!" Suddenly an idea struck him. "Actually, you are right! Let's do it!" Dib looked at him in surprise. He couldn't believe that he had changed his mind so quickly.

"Wait, what's the catch?" He asked suspiciously. Red waved the question off. "I just don't want to be here with you losers." Purple cried out in offense. "Ok, let me rephrase that. I don't like being around you losers or Purple." Purple smiled. That was better. Seeing that his coleader was satisfied Red continued.

"So, I was thinking. What is we have Zim try and…" Red explained the plan. A growing look of horror dawned on Zim's face until the very end when he just couldn't stand it anymore. Red was interrupted by a cry of horror. Red glared at the tiny Irken who looked bashful. "Did you have something to say, Zim?"

"No offense my Tallest, but could I maybe not… ummm… do that?" Zim suggested hopefully. Red eyed him oddly. "Wait, why not?" Red studied the Irken who looked pretty nervous until he finally realized what was going on.

"You aren't scared, are you Zim?" Red teased. The Irken sputtered out excuses and Red snickered. "Don't be a flupsnup."

"Wait, Zim why are you nervous? You usually don't care about pain so much." Skoodge questioned. Zim looked indignant but Skoodge continued. Both Tallest were making what Dib could only assume to be 'flupsnup' noises in the background." Like that on time you were convinced that Dib was hiding in the toilet, so you set traps all over the base to catch him when he left. You got caught in pretty much all of them and almost died of your injuries but what did you do? You crawled back to set them all again."

"Wait that actually happened?" Dib questioned. He spied on Zim every day, how had he not known about this? Unless it was that day Gaz had locked him in the broom closet for "Being so ugly it was making her sick."

"Yeah, that happened. And it was a brilliant idea!" Zim defended. Dib facepalmed. "Why would I hide in a toilet? You're an idiot Zim."

"I said it was brilliant!" Zim retorted and Dib rolled his eyes. Zim looked about ready to tackle him to the ground again when Dib spoke up. Something had occurred to him. "Hey you, Zim's sidekick! How did you get in here? We can escape that way!"

"Well, I actually just walked through that door over there." Skoodge explained. Sure enough when they looked over to where Skoodge was pointing there was a door. Dib facepalmed. "How did we miss that?" He muttered. He really wasn't sure, especially considering it was topped with a big flashy sign titled 'Exit'.

Purple was the first one to break the shocked stillness. He rushed for the door. Hope swelled up in Dib's chest. They were finally getting out! The hope was shattered however, when Purple's tugs proved fruitless. "It won't open!"

"Give me that!" Red demanded. He grunted from the strain of tugging on the door.

"Why won't it open?"

"I knew that was too easy. If WSP went to all these lengths to not let us escape, why would they let us just walk out the door?" Dib fumed. " Actually… I built it to be one way. That way if anyone got into the base they wouldn't be able to escape until I caught them. It only opens on the outside." Zim explained.

"Why would you do that? And why would you put exit above it? That's terrible logic!" Dib spoke with exasperation. Zim responded. "Well it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"Well that's just great. Zim messed up so now we're still trapped here!" Purple ranted. "You know how that makes me feel? Not good!"

"I guess we might as well go on with the original plan." Red decided. Zim visibly paled. "Actually, I have to go do something now! Ok, bye!" He shouted and ran off.

 **The sound of the door opening is heard. GIR, in disguise, stands at the door, waving. "Alright, see you later, pig!"**

 **The door shuts, and GIR stands there. Zim sees germs start pouring out from the place where GIR is standing. They start to cover more and more of the floor. "I'm gonna roll around the floor for a little bit, kay?" GIR leaps up and then hums as he starts rolling around the floor. A puddle of germs grows around him.**

"I swear that robot gets stupider every time we see it!" Purple chimes. Red points out. "Yeah, but it is good- hey, what are you doing?" Red had caught Skoodge tentatively trying to slide onto the couch with them. He looked up at their annoyed faces and squeaked in terror.

"Ummmm…. are you going to answer me?" Red asked. Skoodge nervously stuttered out an answer. "Sorry…. My Tallest… I was just.."

"Just nothing." Purple scowled. "Go sit somewhere else, this is my couch." Red chimed in. "You mean OUR couch right?"

"Yeah, I meant that." Purple corrected. "So, shoo. Go sit on the floor." Dib felt bad for Skoodge. He couldn't help it. The Irken didn't seem like he was straight up evil like Zim, or even mean. SO he spoke up. "Why can't he sit here? I'm sitting here."

"I dunno, cause he's so short?" Red shrugged. "And ugly." Purple added.

"Yep, and ugly." Red confirmed. "And now that you mentioned it, I don't want you sitting on my.. our… couch anymore. So shoo."

"What! But there is more than enough room!" Dib protested. But they remained astute, and Dib ended up sitting on the floor.

 **"** **GIR, what are you doing? Stop immediately! You're disgusting!" Zim cried out. "Aw, somebody needs a hug!"**

 **"** **No, no, no, no, NO GIR NO!" GIR walks towards him, covered with germs. He opens his mouth wide and food drips from his mouth. "I'm gonna hug you!"**

 **"** **NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Zim runs out of the door. He is out of disguise and wearing the microgoggles. Zim looks back towards the house and screams. He starts spraying with his germ spray. "The enemy...regrouping! Worse...than I thought!"**

 **Zim starts scuttling about, spraying the ground. Across the street, a legless neighbour watches as Zim squeals and scuttles around. He raises his eyebrows. "Mmmm hmmmm..."**

 **Zim looks down and sees he is surrounded by germs. He sprays the ground in front of him and steps where he sprayed. He does this over and over until he reaches the house. He opens the door and runs inside, shutting the door behind him.**

 **"** **I still got a hug in me!" GIR exclaims and Zim screams again. The neighbour frowns. A lawn gnome in Zim's yard lowers into the ground and a tree pops up, replacing it.**

Dib frowned. Zim wasn't even in his disguise, and the neighbour hadn't even noticed anything. Exposing Zim may prove to be harder than he had thought.

 **GIR, in disguise, is tied to a rope which is tied to the tree. GIR is suspended above the ground by the rope, but it slides down so GIR can reach the ground. GIR starts running around the tree until he reaches the end of his rope and falls to the ground. He gets back up and starts running around the tree in the opposite direction.**

 **In Zim's lab, Zim now wears a germ-safe suit, which includes a shower cap, the microgoggles, suspenders, rubber gloves over his own gloves, and tissue boxes on his feet.**

Dib burst out in laughter. "Zim looks so ridiculous!" Soon everyone in the room was laughing. Zim -finally noticing what was going on- shot Dib a dirty look. Once Dib had calmed down enough, he realized what vital information the screen was showing him. He had no idea germs bothered Zim so much. Now the question was, how could he use this?

 **"** **Not gonna get me. Germs, chewing my squeedly spooch. Not my squeedly spooch, you don't. What about the mission? What about the mission? I should report in, but, the germs." Zim sprays with his germ spray can in random directions while ranting to himself. "Explody germs. So many germs. The mission! The mission. I have a job to do! I am an invader! I can't let these germs make me lose sight of the bigger MISSION! The skool! The skool will know I've been missing! They must be really suspicious by now!"**

 **Meanwhile at the Skool**

 **"** **Hey, where's Zim?" A student questions and receives an uninterested answer. "Hmmm? I dunno."**

 **Back to Zim**

 **"** **And I haven't reported to the Tallest in too long!" Zim worries. "They will be worried about me! Mustn't alarm them!"**

 **On The Massive**

 **"** **Incoming report from Earth." The computer announces. Both Tallest groan. "You know we really should've given him a mission on a sun or a planet of broken glass or something..." Purple points out.**

 **"** **Or one of those exploding head planets." Red agrees. Purple answers the transmition. "Yes, what is it now, Zim?"**

"Wait what?" Asked Dib, blinking in surprise and confusion. "I must have misunderstood something, because it sounded like you just said you wished Zim was dea-"

"Finally, it is done!" Zim proclaimed, interrupting Dib and distracting him from his thoughts. The sounds that had been coming from the area where he was working ceased. "Behold my brilliance!"

"Well that was quick" Red commented. Zim informed them. "This machine is a simplistic version of a byplaasmic telogrilpuc bilopsi."

"A what?" Dib asked. Zim scowled at the boy. "Don't embarrass yourself, you stupid stinkbeast."

"So wait, what is it again?" Red asked in confusion. Zim's face lit up from the excitement of being addressed by one of his idols. "Excellent question my magnificence! It is a machine capable of harnessing the hupyerflutic rays in the universe to commence bifretyl moochislober!"

Noticing the blank and confused look he was receiving, Zim elaborated. "In other words, it's a teleporter." Red gasped, realizing the implications. "But that means.."

"We're saved! Purple cried out joyfully. He looked about to throw himself at the machine but Zim held his hand out in caution. "Wait, I need a test subject as it may have some rather… adverse side effects. Zim warned, glaring maliciously at Dib who gulped.

"How about you do it?" Purple suggested. Zim coughed. "I would, My Tallest, but I am afraid that it5 may incapacitate the one who uses it. We need someone disposable. My calculations show that the preferred test subject would be someone who has a giant head." Zim's glare intensified and Dib shrunk a little under it. He was spared however when Purple blurted out. "Skoodge'll do it!"

Skoodge's head shot up. His eyes darted around like a rabbit until they landed on Red. He stared at him nervously. Red however, had no sympathy for the obviously terrified irken. "Go on." Red shoved him towards Zim, who looked disappointed that it wasn't Dib who was the victim. "Nah its ok ill just use-" He spoke, motioning towards the human when Skoodge spoke up.

"No." Skoodge insisted, his words brave but his voice and body trembling. "If it will make my tallest happy then I will do anything!"

"Great, that's the spirit!" Purple exclaimed. "Now just let Zim hit you with that experimental and dangerous teleportation laser!" Zim directed Skoodge towards a big red X he had painted on the ground. Skoodge stepped into the centre of it while Zim climbed up the teleporter to where the control panel was located.

"Fire!" Zim shouted as he pressed the button. Skoodge squealed out in terror despite himself. There was a blinding flash of light then all was dark.

When Skoodge finally regained consciousness the first thing he saw was that everyone was hovering over him. Their words sounded like they were underwater but then gradually grew clearer until he could understand them. "a bust. He didn't even go anywhere." Red's voice came into focus.

"I think my machine could use some more tweaking." Zim decided, then addressed Skoodge. "Oh, and by the way Skoodge, you now have rabbit ears."

"What?!" Skoodge jolted up from where he had collapsed on the floor and immediately regretted it as a wave of nausea washed over him. He gingerly felt the top of his head and sure enough there were two fuzzy rabbit ears right by each of his antenna. Zim continued, seemingly not noticing his sidekick's dismay. "Yes, yes. I know I am amazing now back to work!"

Zim immediately dove into some exposed wiring inside a panel of the machine. Loud crashes were heard.

 **A monitor screen fades into a view of Zim in his lab in full germ-free suit. Zim salutes. "Sirs. I apologize for not reporting in, but- Excuse me." Zim runs out of view. The sound of Zim spraying with his germ spray can is heard. He pops back into view. "All is going well, nothing too big to report aside from the usual- Ah! Would you look at the size of that one!"**

 **Zim sprays with his germ spray can, emptying it out. " No! No! I'm almost out of disinfectant! All hope will be lost if I don't get more! Never! But, I'm not giving up! I'LL DESTROY YOU! And you, and you, AND YOU!" Zim shrieks. The transmission goes into static. "Did that scare you too?" Purple asks and Red nods.**

"You know what, that call actually makes sense now!" Red realized before muttering. "As much as anything Zim is involved with can, anyways."

 **GIR is still running around the tree. He runs out of rope again and it gags him. He starts running around in the opposite direction when the front door opens. Zim walks out, in his full germ-free suit and holding a can of germ spray. "GIR!"**

 **GIR stops running and looks at Zim. "Pay attention, GIR. We have to go to the store to pick up some more cleaning things. I need as much as I can get, so you'll have to help me carry stuff." Zim sprays GIR in the face. One of GIR's eyes twitches and Zim makes a disgusted groan. "You're still so germy! But it'll have to do." Zim unhooks the rope attaching GIR to the tree and puts him on a leash.**

 **"** **I need to save some of this for the trip. Come, GIR!" Zim and GIR start walking down the sidewalk. When they reach the store, it is dusk. " Look, there it is." GIR points out. He tries walking past the store, but the leash stops him. GIR turns around and sees Zim spraying the germ spray, but only the last little fizzle is coming out. GIR snatches the can from Zim. "Lemme try."**

 **Zim cries out. "No, GIR! The germs!" GIR shakes up the germ spray can anyways, but he gets distracted when he hears cows.**

"You know, I really hope this footage does not last much longer. I'm getting really hungry." Dib said. He wasn't sure exactly what time it was but the from the pain in his stomach he was sure it was a good deal past when he normally ate dinner. Purple spoke. "Yeah Earth is a real let-down, you guys are terrible hosts."

"I didn't invite you here, and this isn't even my house!" Dib said in exasperation. Purple spoke again. "I mean your planet. I mean this basement is boring. And that footage was interesting at first but now with all those germs it is kind of creepy."

"Well you can leave and that would just be fine with me." Dib aggressively informed him. "Your whole species can leave Earth and never come back, and I would be thrilled!"

"Well then." Purple muttered, actually sounding hurt. Red glared at Dib who returned the look.

 **Zim looks across the street to see what GIR is looking at and sees a fast food restaurant, Mac Meaties. GIR runs across the street to Mac Meaties, still holding the germ spray. Zim calls out after him. "My germ spray! GIR! COME BACK!" Zim runs after the robot. He runs into the restaurant and sees germs everywhere. He sees a man, who is sitting at a booth, scoop food into his mouth. He looks over to where a woman kisses a giant germ sitting in a baby seat.**

"Ugg, what is that thing?" Purple moaned. Dib spoke up, looking just as disguisted. "I think it's a baby, but wow."

"That thing is a human baby? It's hideous!" Red exclaimed. It looked nothing like an adult human. Purple shuddered, looking even more green than normal. "I REALLY hope this ends soon."

 **Zim backs up and bumps into a lady. "Are you next in line?" She asks him. Zim gasps and slowly backs away from the lady. " Horror..."**

 **Zim backs up into GIR. "GIR! The disinfectant! Where is it?" GIR answers him. "Oh, I lost it."**

 **GIR reaches behind his back and somehow pulls out a large dripping burger. "Want a bite?" Zim jumps under a table, but then peeks his head out. "Wait a minute." ZIm snatches the burger from GIR, who is licking it.**

 **"** **There are no germs on this thing!" Zim lifts up the top bun. The microgoggles scan the burger for germs, but find nothing. The word 'CLEAN' flashes in Zim's vision. "Completely germ-free!"**

"Wait what?" Dib exclaimed in confusion. That was the last thing he was expecting. "The food at that place is the opposite of sanitary!"

 **Zim goes to a booth where two men sit, each of the holding a burger. One of them offers Zim his burger. Zim lifts up the top bun of his burger and peeks inside. No germs. "How is this possible?"**

"They look familiar…" Skoodge commented. He sounded puzzled. Purple replied. "Who, Zim and his robot?"

"Of course not you idiot! He means the humans in that booth." Red snapped. Purple looked slightly embarrassed. "Oh. Why do they look familiar?"

"I am not sure, My Tallest, but I swear I know them from somewhere. Somewhere important…." Skoodge trailed off, lost in thought. Red waved his hand dismissively. "Probably nothing." Skoodge however, still looked thoughtful.

 **Zim lifts up the top bun of the other man's hamburger as well and peers inside. Still clean. "How can this be?" Zim jumps onto the ceiling and then lands on the counter in front of an old man working at the cash register. Zim points at the man. He demands answers. "You! Burger lord! How is it that this meat is so pure, so perfect?"**

 **"** **Well, it all started in 1962. Utilizing advances in modern food synthesis, scientists at NASA began work on a germ hostile space meat to be used during long expeditions into deep space! Only recently has their hard work paid off." The 'BurgerLord' explains. "As even more advances in the field of space meat have been made and applied to what is now called 'Operation Meat'. Seeing this as a way to end their streak of being sued by angry costumers poisoned by their burgers, the Mac Meaties corporation decided to try this miraculous space meat."**

"Huh, that's actually a pretty neat solution." Dib mused. It was pretty creative, who knew the fast food industry had it in them. Skoodge was not so impressed. "Couldn't they have just made their burgers edible in some other way?"

"Humans are so weird." Red muttered. Dib, however, heard him. "Hey! I take offense in that!"

 **"** **Not having access to that technology, we make ours out of napkins." The man explains. He motions to a bin full of used napkins.**

Dib felt queasy. He had eaten those burgers. Surely making burgers out of napkins could get you sued? He resolved to look into the matter and if it was possible to sue them himself. They deserved it and having some extra pocket money would in no way hurt his mission to protect the earth.

 **"** **Ingenious. This gives me an idea, greasy burger man." Zim hisses. "Yes! A way around the germs! A way I can resume my mission and deal with the germ enemy without bringing any attention to myself! Yes, yes! The answer is in the meat!"**

 **Zim grabs the 'BurgerLord' by the dog tags around his neck. "Give me all the meat!"**

 **Later In Ms. Bitters' Class**

 **The students are talking when Zim walks in, wearing his disguise, but also covered in dripping meat. "How ya doin'?" He asks as if nothing unusual is going on. Ms. Bitters and the students just stare.**

"Ok, that makes a lot more sense in context." Dib says.

So, I have lots of ideas that go with certain chapters but when you think about it if I do all of them this story will end up with like 50 chapters and I don't want it to become redundant. So, I am thinking I might skip a few episodes, would you guys hate that too much? Because it's probably gonna have to happen.

I made a poll so that you guys can tell me what episodes you want to see! It can be accessed from my profile. I would love to hear from you guys! If polls aren't your thing than you can just drop the names of the episodes you want into a review! :)

Has anyone ever made a one-shot on how Zim got over his fear of germs? That might be interesting. I might do that sometime.

Also, did anyone catch my reference? I'm sure some of you did, but I'm not sure how many.

Edited: April 1st 2018, Thanks Zim'sMostLoyalServant!


	8. GIR Goes Crazy and Stuff

Hey guys, I'm back! Sorry it's been taking a bit longer between updates, life is still CRAZY right now. Seriously. And it might not slow down for a while so try to be patient with me. Not that you guys seem to be having any problem with that.

And here I was thinking you guys couldn't get any more awesome. I got not 7, not 8, not even 9, but 10 reviews! And every single one made me smile, you guys are the best! Do you know what the total is now? I'll give you a hint. It starts with a 4 and ends with a 6. That's right, 46!

I feel so famous right now! Lol. Seriously though, it may not be 300 like some mega fanfics with 100 chapters written by future JK Rowlings, but it just makes me so happy!

Big shout out to you all, for being so supportive! I've said it many times before and I'll say it again, you guys are the best! 😁

Invader Johnny and Rocky Rooster both got why Skoodge thought the people at the burger place were familiar. Let's all give them a big round of applause!

 **Disclaimer:** This is a work of fanfiction, I own none of the rights to Invader Zim and I am not profiting from this in any way other than the satisfaction I get from reading all the amazing reviews.

 **Reviews**

 **Cf96:** Good to hear from you again! Glad you like where this is going and thanks for the support.

 **Invader-Battie:** Your comment made me laugh so hard. And I totally agree.

 **Skeetonyabih:** Wow, thanks for the enthusiasm! Hopefully with the poll I will hit the really interesting episode and none of the best ones will get skipped. You guys have just been so amazing and in a way this story is as much yours as it is mine, because without you where would it be? So why shouldn't you have a say in it? Sorry kind of got on a rant there, but thanks for the review!

 **guestrev:** Glad you think so :)

 **Rocky Rooster:** Kudosto you for catching that!And about whether it will be important later, well you will just have to wait and see! 😜 That would be funny! I may just work that into this fic if I can, wink wink nudge nudge.

 **Guest:** Well, I aim to please! Glad that you liked the addition of Scoodge. Purple just… he's such a good character to work with. I love it. And Gaz may be gone but she is definitely not forgotten because she probably traumatized everyone. Lol.

 **Zim'sMostLoyalServant:** Thanks for the save! As I mentioned I have been incredibly busy lately and so my read over and fact check was much quicker than normal so a few things slipped. And poor Skoodge, he always gets the short end of the stick. As I mentioned before hopefully with the poll I won't skip any of the really interesting ones.

 **Invader Johnny:** That definitely won't be their favourite episode to watch lol. And the way the poll is going we will probably see it. And yeah it was definitely an inside joke and I know not everyone got it but I am glad that you got it and it amused you :)

 **CE:** Glad that you are finding it hilarious! Thanks for reviewing :)

 **nightmaster000:** Glad that you liked the new chapter. As for why they are familiar, I will give you a hint. The word that describes what is special with it starts with a c and ends with eo. It also has something to do with someone named Steve. If you don't get it don't worry it shouldn't affect your reading too much just a little something I threw in.

 **Characters in Room**

Red

Purple

Zim

Skoodge

Dib

"That was awful" Purple shuddered. They all nodded in agreement. Red responded. "Those germs certainly weren't pleasant."

"Have all the episodes been like this?" Skoodge wondered. Purple scowled. "Or worse. Those germs were bad but they had nothing on the one with that creepy boy, Ke-"

Red quickly muffled his words with his hand. "Careful, saying his name might summon him!" Red cautioned, and Purples eyes widened. He let out a terrified squeak and Red removed his hand. Purple coughed nervously. "So yeah."

"It can't last that much longer, can it?" Dib questioned, obviously also nervous. "I mean, I know I am kind of getting really hungry and I kind of have other needs, surely whoever has us captive knows that?"

"Well, we Irkens don't really need to eat, we can take all the nutrients we need from our PAKs. Same with drinking, and our PAKS dispose of all waste our bodies create. I don't really see anything to stop the WSP from keeping us here for days." Red said in horror. Dib spoke quickly, his heart sinking. "But they won't keep me here, because I need all that stuff, right?"

"Well, I don't see why they would care about you. I don't think you were even supposed to be here anyways, you kind of broke in." Dib felt like his heart was on a roller coaster. Surely, they wouldn't leave him here to starve. Purple spoke, not really sounding too sad. "Too bad."

"Too bad?!" Dib snapped. "I may starve and that's all you say?"

"Well, technically you would probably die of dehydration first, but I don't really care." Purple corrected him, reminding Dib that these were not his friends. They were the enemy, and they didn't care if he died. They probably would love it, it would clear the way for Zim to take over the Earth.

But there was hope. Gaz had escaped, and she was probably leading a rescue party back this very minute. Any second they would be here. "Any second…" He muttered to himself and received odd looks. "It probably won't be a problem this soon." Purple pointed out.

The image on the screen changed to show a cow filled field in front of a farmhouse and barn. All turned their attention to the video that had started to play.

 **A herd of cows look up from their grazing as a shadow zooms above them, stopping above one cow. The hovering shape turns out to be Zim's Voot Cruiser. A hatch on the vehicle opens and emits a tractor beam that envelopes one of the cows. The other cows back away in fear as the unlucky one is lifted upwards along with blades of grass and leaves.**

 **GIR jumps down the tractor beam attached to a bungee cord, coming to a stop right in front of where the cow is hovering. He turns to face the cow and waves. "HI, COW!"**

"Oh great, it's that idiotic robot again." Red commented flatly. Every time he saw the damn thing it seemed to get stupider. Having it make an appearance within the first seconds of the footage was a bad sign.

"Wait, why is that good?" Purple questioned, obviously not understanding the sarcasm. "I thought you hated the robot?"

"I was being sarcastic." Red explained. "Seriously, what are you, a smeet?"

Purple sulked and Dib furrowed his brow. Why would they hate the robot, hadn't they programmed it to act that way? Unless it wasn't working the way it was designed to? Maybe he was just being paranoid. But then again, some people thought he was being paranoid when he told them that the man who lived across the street from him was actually the Lok Ness Monster in disguise. Which he totally was.

 **GIR's head slides open and he pulls out a sombrero. He puts it on the cow's head, turns around and starts shaking his rear at it. Zim is not pleased. "GIR! Get in here!"**

" **Bye, cow!" GIR frantically waves at the cow before he is yanked back up again on the bungee cord. The tractor beam disappears, and the cow falls down, mooing.**

 **Zim frowns at the controls, as GIR rises on a platform behind him. "No playing with the dirty cow monsters, GIR! This is serious work we do!" Zim commands, and GIR replies with an "Ooooooh."**

" **We'll switch. You man the tractor beam, I'll pump the cows full of human sewage." Zim commands and GIR leans in closer to him. The robot speaks in a whisper. "Cows are my frieeeeends…"**

" **I don't like you." Zim says, before attempting to command the robot once again. "The controls, GIR." GIR leaps up into the air, waving his arms and screaming, before landing in front of the control panel where he begins frantically pressing buttons.**

 **Zim straps a green canister filled with sewage onto his back. He arms himself with a projectile device hooked up to the canister and puts on his goggles. The hatch opens, and Zim lowers down the tractor beam. "AS soon as I've tainted the humans meat supply with filth, they will be ripe for conquest. Soon the name of Invader Zim will be synonymous with DOOKIE!" Zim brags.**

"Umm, why would you want your name to mean the same thing as…. That?" Skoodge questioned the Invader who turned away from whatever he had been working on. "Hmmmm?"

"It's nothing." Skoodge dismissed. "Go back to working on that thing."

"Ok then." Zim shrugged. He adjusted his mask and ignited the blowtorch that he had been in the middle of using again.

" **GIR! Bring me cooow…" Zim commands. The SIR unit switches to duty mode, and salutes his master. "Yes, sir!"**

 **However, the change does not last long. The robot's eyes turn back to a blue, and his posture slackens. He squeals, throwing his arms in the air. "I like dooky!" Zim sighs. "Sometimes I'm afraid to find out what's going on in that insane head of yours.'**

 **The screen changes to GIR's point of view. Zim's voice sounds warped. Suddenly, the cows morph into weenies with top hats and dinner jackets and start dancing. They plead with GIR. "Dance with us, GIR! Dance with us into oblivion!" GIR smiles and presses a button on the control panel.**

There was no way that the robot was meant to act like that. Dib frowned. "Is the robot malfunctioning or something?"

"Kind of?" Purple nervously answered. Red glared at him, but Dib just looked at him oddly. There was something going on here. Something about the robot. He probed further. "I mean, is this how one of your evil robot henchmen normally acts?" 

"Of course it is…. I mean how else….. well the robot is a little…. It's COMPLICATED, alright?" Purple sputtered out. Dib was about to probe again when the other unusually tall irken spoke. "What he is saying is that it is too complicated for a human like you to understand."

"Good one." Purple whispered to Red. Dib didn't hear what had been said but he certainly found the whispering suspicious. The whole way that Zim's leaders treated Zim, his belongings, and his mission just wasn't right. There was something he wasn't seeing.

Dib dropped the issue, pretending that the obvious excuse had satisfied him.

 **A pink, waving tractor beam comes out of another hatch in the Voot Cruiser. It picks up a cow, and sends it hurtling into the air. "GIR! What are you doing?!" Zim howls. GIR screams. "WEENIES! WEENIEEES!"**

" **Play with the weenies, da da na na naaa…" GIR presses random buttons with his tongue sticking out and his eyes shut. The tractor beam picks up another cow, and holds it in the air for a while, before sending it flying into the barn. A light flickers on in the farmhouse next to the barn. "Stop! You'll blow our ingenious cover!"**

 **The tractor beam raises a cow into the air, coming dangerously close to where Zim is hovering. Zim turns and attempts to return to the Voot Cruiser but the tractor beam swings the cow up and slams it into Zim, smashing him against the bottom of the Voot Cruiser and sending the sewage flying everywhere.**

 **Zim and GIR are now in the Voot Cruiser. Zim is covered in human sewage with GIR next to him humming, occasionally bursting out in giggles.**

Dib couldn't help but stare at the Tallest. He didn't know if they noticed his staring. If they did they were pretending they didn't. The robot was even more messed up than he had realized. Why did Zim keep the robot around? Or Skoodge for that matter. The Irken didn't seem to be very good at keeping secrets. Or really much of anything.

Maybe this footage, which was yet another mystery, would explain it too him. And if that failed he could interrogate Skoodge, who was at the moment awkwardly messing with his new ears.

 **Zim is in his underground hologram chamber. GIR walks beside him. "It's time we did something about your behavioural glitches, GIR." Zim decides. A small platform rises from the ground, and Zim starts working the controls. GIR responds in his usual manner. "Doo dee doo dee dooooo... WAFFLES!"**

 **Zim pulls a small handheld device out of the platform and speaks again. "I'm going to attempt to lock you into Duty Mode with this behavioural modulator." GIR's head rotates on his neck and the robot giggles, confusing Zim. "What?"**

" **Doody." The robot snickers. Zim turns back to the platform and presses another button. The hologram projectors activate, and the two of them find themselves seemingly outside. A hologram of Dib wavers and appears, holding a large spiked club. "I will make YOUUU suffer LARGE, alien!"**

"I do not talk like that!" Dib protests. Red holds his hands up in the air. "Hey, don't complain to us, we're not the ones who programmed that thing."

Dib ran over to where Zim was working on the machine. It seemed to have grown, and now towered way above Dib's head. Some panels were open and sections were cut away exposing the inner wiring. "Hey Zim, why did you program me to talk like that?!"

The screen replayed the scene.

" **I will make YOUUU suffer LARGE, alien!"**

"Because that is how you talk stinkworm." Zim insulted. "Now let the almighty Zim get back to woooooooorrrkkk! His work is the most almighty of work and his machine is far superior to every other machine for Zim himself is superior to everything!"

"Except us." Red chimed in. Zim agreed. "Except the Almighty Tallest."

"But I don't talk like that!"

"Yes you do!"

"I don't!"

"You do!"

"Don't!"

"DO!"

"DON'T!"

"Ok you don't."

"What! Yes I do!" Dib cried out but then paused. "Wait… hey!"

"Stop bickering. If you are going to brawl again do that but all of your bickering annoying! Seriously don't be so immature." Red complains. "Yeah" Purple agrees, taking his thumb out of his mouth to speak.

" **GIR! Attack!" Zim commands. GIR goes into Duty Mode and salutes. "Yes, sir!" Zim turns the knob on the behavioural modulator up a notch.**

" **The words 'Target: Big-headed boy - Destroy' appear in the robot's view next to Dibs head. GIR runs toward him, and the words 'Target acquired' appear next to Dib's head. However, GIR's view veers off at the last minute and focuses on an empty can of Poop Cola. The words 'Target: Poop can' appear in his vision next to the empty can.**

 **GIR switches into normal mode and runs toward the empty can as the hologram Dib swings the club and misses. GIR picks up the can and starts bashing it against his head while giggling.**

Dib scooted closer to Skoodge, who looked up to see what he wanted. Dib glanced at the Tallest. Their attention was completely held by the screen, and Zim was still working on his invention. Still, he didn't want them to find out he was snooping. He spoke in a quiet voice.

"Hey, how long have you been Zim's henchman?" Dib asked, trying to act like it was just a casual question. Skoodge didn't seem bothered so he apparently had succeeded. "Oh, for a while, ever since I conquered Blorch."

"Wait." Dib realized. "You conquered a planet?" Dib was impressed. Maybe that was why Zim kept him around, maybe he did have talent. Maybe he was just pretending to be useless, to trick Dib! If so it might not be as easy to draw the information out of him as Dib had thought.

 **GIR puts the can in his mouth and Zim speaks in frustration. "No more distractions, GIR! Attack the human!" Zim pulls out the behavioural modulator and turns the knob up a few notches "THIS time on a dangerously HIGH setting!"**

 **GIR turns around and spits out the can, going into Duty Mode and saluting. "Yes, sir!" GIR runs toward Dib, jumps, and lands a few feet away from him. He moves his hands in front of him in a karate-like style. But then he goes back to normal mode. "Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee dooooo!"**

" **Attack!" Zim commands and turns the behavioural modulator up a notch. GIR goes into Duty-Mode and salutes. "Yes, sir!"**

 **Zim continues cranking up the behavioural modulator. "Doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee doo dee-" GIR cries out in a more threatening tone, but then stops, and his eyes glow. He turns to Zim, salutes, and stares at Dib.**

"Yeah, why?" Skoodge asked. Dib replied with. "I dunno, I guess I just assumed you were… well…"

"Useless?" Skoodge answered. Dib was surprised that he had put it that plainly. Evidently that surprise showed on his face. "Don't be embarrassed, it's a common assumption. Besides, I'm really short. Like.. really, really short."

Oh right, the height thing. Dib felt bad for the Irken, he knew what it was like to be underestimated. But if the Irken was the ruler of a planet, then why was he stuck here working for Zim? Shouldn't he be commanding an army or something, even if he was a little bit… stubby? "Why are you-"

Purple turned his head to look at them and Dib's heart raced. Even though he hadn't really done too much prying yet, the guy had to be the leader for a reason. Would he figure out his plan? Had he already figured it out? However, the Irken only put his finger to his lips. "Shhhhh, some of us are trying to see what happens next!"

 **In GIR's vision the words 'TARGET: BIG HEAD BOY' and 'HOLOGRAM' appear. The words 'NO THREAT' flash repeatedly. "Sir, target is a hologram and therefore not a threat to our mission!"**

" **And what IS our mission, GIR?" Zim questions. The SIR unit quickly answers. "Blend in with the indigenous life, analyse their weaknesses, prepare the planet for the coming badness! Yay."**

"Wait, that actually worked?" Red was surprised. He had thought that it would take a lot more than a behavioural modifier to fix the mess that was GIR. The robot literally had a brain that considered a marble, some lint, and whatever other junk had been in Purple's pocket when they had hastily constructed the robot.

"So wait, the robot does have glitches?" Dib questioned. Zim had literally said it himself on the screen. The robot had 'behavioural glitches.' Why had the leaders denied it before?

"I guess you could say that." Red admitted. Dib was not happy with that answer but then he realized something. "It seems like he is fixed here, but GIR is back to normal now so the glitches must have come back somehow. Or maybe he is not really fixed?"

"I knew it was too simple. No way fixing that robot would be so easy."

" **Yes, yes…Yes!" Zim gloats. "With you fully functional and by my side, we shall rule this world sooner than without you by my side…not being funny… ahh, let's get outta here."**

 **The hologram background disappears, and the room is now visible again. Zim heads for the door. GIR stares after him with his eyes narrowed, and one eye twitches.**

"Wait, what was that?" Dib questioned in confusion. The robot had looked angry. Could irken robots be angry at their masters? There was so much that he still needed to know about the irken race, even with all the hours he spent spying on Zim.

"That doesn't look good." Skoodge muttered, echoing all of their thoughts. "Think it kills Zim?" Red whispered to Purple who nodded.

Dib stared at them. They didn't seem too worried about the idea. They were joking right? Zim was obviously alive at the moment. "He is alive right now so I don't see how he could be killed in any of these."

"Oh. You heard that." Red noted in surprise. "Well I guess you have a point. But don't eavesdrop next time please." It wasn't too big of a deal this time because the whisper hadn't been that incriminating but Red didn't want him to overhear anything that was.

"I won't." Dib said, fingers crosses behind his back. He decided that he was totally going to eavesdrop again the next chance he got.

 **GIR and Zim walk into the living room from the kitchen. There is a police siren in the background. "You are now the evil henchman I so rightly deserved all along, GIR. An assistant worthy of me. I AM ZIM! Now, with your amazing new programming, investigate that sound!" Zim commands, but GIR protests. "Sir, it is merely a police siren-"**

" **Do as I say!" Zim shrieks and GIR snaps to attention. "Yes, sir!"**

 **GIR runs towards the door. "Opening door!" GIR yells and rips the door off of the hinges. "Running! Runninggg!"**

 **GIR races out of the house. A few seconds later, a police car crashes through the front of the house and lands in the living room. The siren sounds once more and then is silent. GIR's fist smashes through the windshield, and he throws out the policeman, tied up in the seatbelt**

Dib gasped. That robot was actually really dangerous. The plan obviously failed in some way because GIR had been his usual self when Dib had seen him a little bit ago, but if Zim managed to do this again, it wouldn't be good.

On the other hand the robot seemed to lack the subtlety that Zim had. Maybe the extra attention that the robot would bring could be a good thing. It could expose Zim. The Zim on the screen evidentially felt the same way.

" **GIR! What have you done? This isn't information retrieval! Are you insane?!" GIR calls out from where he stands on the hood of the car. "I have captured the enemy for meat testing! Praise me! PRAISE ME!"**

" **All my bones… jammed up into my neck!" The police officer stirs and groans, opening his eyes to see GIR and Zim out of costume. "Huh…? Aliens?!"**

" **Great. Now I have to wipe his brain to make him forget all he's seeeeen!" Zim complains.**

Dib sighed in relief. At least they didn't kill the man, though it would have been useful to have his testimony to help convince everyone aliens were real. It was unlikely that Zim would have allowed this to happen though so having his memory erased was probably the best scenario for the poor man.

 **Zim reaches down to grab the officer. The scene changes to show the inside of Zim's lab. Zim and GIR are standing over the policeman who is strapped to an operating table with two tubes attached to his head. "This memory transplant will take hours! I planned on spending this afternoon experimenting on the happiness centers of that Earth child's brain…" Zim complains, hovering above the man on his PAK legs, talking about Nick, who is inside a nearby containment tube and as usual is grinning like a lunatic. "I'm so happy! All the time! Just great!"**

Dib looked at Nick on the screen in worry. He had snuck into the aliens base and managed to free the kid quite a while ago, but he could have been recaptured. He really hoped that this was footage from before he had rescued him.

 **The officer gasps and lifts his head. He flips open his wallet, and a roll of pictures comes out. "Please! I have a house, and children, and pets, and a toilet…and.. toilet children…" The officer gasps out but Zim has no sympathy.**

Dib stared at the pictures in the wallet. Then he saw it. The officer was Mary's dad! He had gone missing… a while ago… uh oh. Somehow, he didn't think that the man had had his memory erased and been sent home safely.

What if they had erased too much and he couldn't find his way home? What if they erased all of it? Or what if Zim had decided that erasing memories was too much trouble and had decided to do away with all witnesses? Dib clenched his fists tightly. He wouldn't put it past that alien scum.

" **Make silence now, human!" Zim commands and sticks a tube into the officer's mouth and begins pushing it down his throat. GIR speaks. "With all due respect, you must know the SIR Unit code enables free will in the event that the mission is threatened. This Police human was a threat."**

" **You dare tell ME what I already know?!" Zim indignantly squawks. GIR replies. "Did you know that?"**

" **Of course I…" Zim protests but then huffs out. "Your legs are stupid!" Zim walks with his spider legs over to a containment tube with a squid in it and drains it. Zim removes the squid from the tube and carries it over to the officer.**

"What's that?" Red questioned. Purple just shrugged. "How would I know? Do I look omni.. stil.. du… whatever that word is?!"

"I dunno, just thought I'd ask." Red explained. Turning to Dib he asked the question again. "What's that, Dub?"

"Probably something horrible." Dib fretted. He was on the edge of his seat. "That poor man, subjected to the torture of Zim! Zim is unpredictable, he could do anything…. maybe he will.. make him eat calamari or something?!" 

"So is that thing a calamari? What does it do, and why are you so scared of it?" Red questioned further but Dib just shot him a panicky glare. "Can't you see I'm freaking out here!" 

Red hit a button his PAK. A mechanical arm popped out and extended over to where Zim was working. This was a trick that Red had learned quite a while ago. He mainly used it to obtain snacks without suffering the agony of walking over to them himself. The mechanical digit prodded Zim's shoulder. He didn't look up from what was is currently doing, which was hitting a tin can with a mallet. "Die, you stupid earth… metal... thing!"

"Zim!" Red called and the other irken received another prod, but still there was no reply. Purple put a hand on Red's shoulder. "Let me try."

The top of his PAK slid open and Purple dug around in it, moments later coming out with something small clutched in his hand. He threw it up in the air and it expanded, turning into a microphone that hovered in the air in front of his mouth. "ZIM!" Purple screamed, casuing the others to clutch their ears in shock at the sudden and painful onslaught of noise.

But it did the job. Zim looked up from his work and the device folded in on itself, making its own way back into the PAK. "Eh, what was that?" Zim questioned, his ears still ringing slightly. He had almost lost his balance when the noise had startled him. He had barely caught himself in time to avoid a face plant.

"What is that thing?" Red questioned, motioning at the currently motionless screen. Zim looked confused. "You mean the human?" 

"No, the thing you are holding." Red clarified. Zim eyed the screen once again. "Hmmmm, I believe it is called a squid. It is a filthy earth water beasty simple to the mouse and the eleshnorp."

"Ah, ok." Red said, and Dib snorted, slightly amused. What on Earth was an eleshnorp? Zim had once again accidentally cheered Dib up. He had a way of doing that, which was weird considering they were mortal enemies.

" **Go upstairs and…um, monitor Earth broadcasts until I think of something better for you to do! That's a good GIR…" GIR looks at Zim and sees the words 'Analysing Intelligence: Questionable' appear. They disappear, and the words 'Order: Counter-productive' appear. They disappear, and the words 'Zim = Commander?' appear. GIR's eyes glow, and his eye twitches. "GIR?"**

" **Right away…S-Sir… "**

"Are you sure he doesn't kill him?" Purple asked. Dib sighed once again at the alien's question. He could see how he and Zim were of the same race. They were both idiots. Evil and dangerous idiots, but still idiots. "He's standing right there working on the machine!"

Dib gestured over to the said person. Purple whined. "I was just checking!"

 **GIR leaves. Zim puts the squid down on a small table like structure, and a lid snaps over it. The officer looks at the squid in fear.**

 **GIR is watching TV with his eyes narrowed. "Observing… observing… observing…!" Various stupid shows play on the screen.**

"So Skoodge, do you like working for Zim? What is it exactly that he normally has you and the robot do?" He had learned quite a bit from his little interrogation earlier, even though it had been interrupted, and he was sure there was more he could learn. Skoodge looked nervous at the question though. "Zim says that is top secret Zim business, and I'm not allowed to talk about it. Sorry."

Dib probed further. "Maybe if-" But Dib was interrupted once again, this time not by the Tallest but by a roar unleashed by his own stomach. Red scowled at Dib. "Why are you growling at me?" The alien questioned.

"Humans don't growl." Dib scoffed, but Red was sceptical. "Oh yeah? Then what was that sound?"

"I'm just hungry ok?!" He snapped.

Dib cursed inside his head. It was hard to think straight enough to try and trick Scoodge into giving him the information he yearned for when his stomach felt like it was being torn apart by an angry gorilla. "If I don't get food soon it could have serious consequences!"

Now it was Red's turn to scoff. "Drama queen. If you are so hungry why didn't you just eat that pizza that creepy sister of yours left behind?"

Dib's head whipped around. He didn't see anything, and he couldn't track it down by smell as the smell had lingered ever since Gaz had gotten the pizza, and the smells of chemicals and burnt metal from whatever Zim had been working on and was working on at the moment competed with it.

Though now that he thought about it was odd that the scent had lingered for so long. Dib followed Red's gaze and sure enough it was poking out from under the couch. "What?! Why didn't you tell me that was there, I have been sitting here starvvvvving!"

"You didn't ask." Red shrugged. Dib was too hungry to be mad. As he devoured the pizza he realized that he had stopped right in the middle of his interrogation, but he couldn't do it properly with his mouth stuffed full of pizza anyways.

" **Television is stupid. The master is not utilizing me properly! I will show my 'Master' how information collecting is done!" GIR turns and looks out the window. Using his guidance software he locates buildings in the city. He searches through them until he finds one that satisfies him. The library. "An information center... Excellent."**

"Why would he want to go there? That place looks boring." Purple questions. Red agrees. "Pbbbt… yeah. I don't think the craziness was cured after all."

 **GIR hops off of the couch and runs into the kitchen, coming back with a large data canister strapped to his back. He leaves the room, which is still wrecked from earlier**

 **At the library, a teenager puts some discs down on the counter. A scanner shines a red light in his eyes. "Retinal Scan... rejected!" A circular device hovers around the boy's feet. It rises up and creates a red barrier around him. He glances around nervously. The librarian giggles. "I'm sorry, you have two discs overdue. We'll have to confiscate your retinas!"**

"Ok now it's getting interesting!" Purple enthusiastically exclaimed. Red just shuddered. "No, that's creepy. It reminds me of back when…. That kid… he."

A chill seemed to sweep across the room. "Oh no, why'd you have to bring that up? I'm going to have nightmares for week now!"

 **There is a loud smashing sound, and huge dents appear in the metal library door. The doors are flung away and GIR emerges with the data canister. He is floating in the air. Whip-like wires extend from the top of the canister, flailing about wildly, and electricity sparks madly at the very top of the canister. "I require access to all human knowledge!"**

"This new GIR is kind of scary." Dib noted. He had seen a lot of things in all of his years, which actually weren't that many considering he was a kid, but still they were quite a bit of time and he still found this creepy.

"What I'm wondering is why he hasn't murdered Zim yet." Purple mused out loud. Red explained it to him. "Sir units have a lot of loyalty to their masters so even if they are…. idiots like Zim is GIR should stay loyal."

"So how was he able to go to the library when Zim told him to watch tv?" Dib asked in confusion. "Well if necessary they can act of free will… oh I see how this will go." Red realized.

 **The librarian thinks for a moment then speaks. "That would be under reference!"  
**

" **Not acceptable, Library-drone!" The wires shoot forward, and the librarian ducks, screaming, as they head toward her.**

 **Zim is standing above the officer in his lab, wearing his disguise. The officer is still lying on the operating table. Zim pulls the tube out of the policeman's mouth, and he sits up straight, crying out. "My tentacles! Where are my tentacles?!"**

" **Don't worry, officer." Zim reassures. "You are in a filthy earth brain hospital. Your feelings are normal. There's a squid brain in your head!"**

"Wait, what happened to the original brain?" Skoodge wondered. "Is it in the squid?"

Dib was worried. If that was true then that poor man squid thing needed help, the man/squid could still be trapped in the base!

As soon as he escaped he would have to round up a rescue party, but why would they believe him? It might help if he could have Keef testify on Zim's alien-ness as well… actually he wanted to be nowhere near that kid. So maybe not.

Dib knew he would have to make it happen though, even if he had to drag the whole town to Zim's base and rip off his disguise in front of them.

 **The communicator attached to the now squidified man's arm crackles. "Calling unit twelve! Unit twelve!" The poor man clenches his teeth and grunts, his eyes shut. "Something's wrong! My ink! Why can't I shoot ink anymore? What kind of squid can't shoot ink?!" He screams.**

" **Squid!" The communicator continues spouting words. "Situation at the public library: Flying metal child draining the brains of citizens. Respond immediately!"**

"See, why don't humans' metal children ever go on rampage? Earth is so boring, any decent planet has metal children on rampage at least once a week!"

"What no, we don't even have… arrgg!" Dib exclaimed in frustration. Skoodge felt bad for the human. He timidly suggested. "Maybe all the metal children on earth are well behaved?"

"We don't have metal children!" Dib yelled. Skoodge looked down at his feet, which were not actually that far away from his head. He apologized. "Oh. Sorry." Oh great, now Dib felt guilty for some reason.

"You see, that's exactly my point!" Red continued. "Earth is so boring! I bet you don't even have daily gladiator battles to the death!"

"Well, we have Black Friday, which is basically the same thing." Dib told him. Purple huffed. "That name is stupid."

"Well, what do you call you gladiator battles?" Dib retorted. Purple held his head up proudly. "Irken gladiatorial combat is a proud and mighty sport, where brave soldiers face off against terrible dangers and monsters such as the Digestor. I bet Earth doesn't have any Digestors either, does it?"

"Well no, but what are these battles called?" Dib probed. Purple proudly replied. "The Pink Trials." Dib snorted. Purple looked at him in confusion.

"What?" Purple questioned. Dib snorted again. "What kind of battle to the death has pink in its name?"

"Hey! Pink is a great colour. What's wrong with pink?" Dib just chuckled to himself.

" **Oh, it's GIR! I've got to stop him before he ruins everything! That horrible robot!" Zim realizes and walks off. The Policeman falls off the table, and starts wiggling along the ground after him" Please! Just take me back to the sea!"**

 **The ruined police car pulls up to the library, literally falling apart. The squid/man runs into the library, screams, and clutches his head. He then jumps onto a nearby door and starts sucking on the window.**

 **Zim enters, wearing the his victim's hat" Relax, humans! The police are- ewww!" Zim jerks back in disgust. GIR is floating in mid air still strapped to the data canister. The wires are extended and attached to the heads of humans, keeping them hovering in the air. He is also stealing information from the computers. "The knowledge… it fills me… it is neat!"**

"Wait, something just occurred to me." Purple spoke. The others looked at him expectantly and he continued. "If GIR knew absolutely nothing about earth then how did GIR know an earth animal?"

"What on Irk are you talking about?" Red asked him in confusion. Purple clarified. "You know when we first became trapped in this place and we saw Zim arrive on earth? And he wanted to be a mongoose dog? Well how did he know what a mongoose was?"

"Why are you asking me this now, and why are you even thinking about it right?! That happened ages ago!" Red asked in exasperation. Purple pouted. "Well it just bothers me!"

"How should I know? Nothing about that stupid robot makes sense anyways." Red spoke. Purple pouted even harder. "I was just asking…"

"Surely he did some research on earth before he came here?" Dib asked. The looks he received reminded him. This was Zim, the idiot had probably slept through the whole trip. And if GIR was broken back then too, it seemed unlikely that he would bother researching. He probably would just bang his head against a wall the whole time or something. But he must have learnt the information somehow.

" **GIR! You've drained enough humans today!" Zim declares. GIR protests "Data canister is not yet full!"**

" **I command you to get outta here before we're noticed… some more." Zim yells. One of the wires reaches down and snatches the Behavioural Modulator out of Zim's hand. Zim protests. "Hey, quit it!"**

 **GIR's head slides open, and the wire places the Modulator inside. He announces. "You are no commander! You are a threat to the mission! Your methods are stupid! Your progress has been stupid! Your intelligence is stupid! For the sake of the mission, you must be terminated!"**

"Oooh I think this is the part where Zim's brains get bashed in!"

Once again, Dib felt something off about the situation. But then he realized something.

Darn it! He had gotten distracted. Now that his mouth was empty there was nothing to keep him from continuing his interrogation on Skoodge. But then he felt his other need grow worse. He once again went over to where Zim was working, prodding him. The irken's antenna twitched in irritation, informing Dib that he was listening.

"Umm Zim? You wouldn't happen to have an evil alien men's room I could visit?" Zim didn't even look up. He pushed a button on his PAK and a door with a picture of… some sort of creature on it appeared. But the creature in the picture seemed to have a moustache and a… top hat…. so maybe it was the alien equivalent of the traditional male symbol. Dib rushed through the door.

" **You dare speak to your master in such-" One of the wires shoots out and hits Zim, knocking him over. Zim looks up at the former police officer. "Squidman! Assist me!" The newly dubbed 'Squidman' jumps down off the wall, and clenches his fists, and grunts. "Uhh… ink…not…working! All that comes out is… you don't wanna know what comes out…"**

"Ewwwww" Both Tallest moaned in unison. Skoodge just looked confused. "What's coming out again?"

"Didn't you hear what the Squidman said? You don't wanna know!" Skoodge looked uncomfortable. He was sure he didn't.

 **GIR's eyes glow, and Zim jumps out of the way as GIR shoots a laser beam at him from his eyes. GIR continues to fire beams, making big holes in the floor. He shoots out the ground from underneath Zim, and Zim falls down to the lower floor. "GIR! Listen to me! We have to get out of here! You're malfunctioning!" GIR peers down through the hole. "Stupidity is the enemy! Zim is enemy!"**

"You know what I think that this is the best episode yet!" Purple exclaimed enthusiastically. Purple agreed. "Yeah, I think I prefer the robot this way. How did he get changed back to being his stupid self, I wonder? Maybe we can set him back to this more aggressive mode somehow…"

"I kind of wish we had given Zim a good robot, because according to this it would have killed him by now!" Purple chuckled. Red decided. "When we get back we can send him one."

"Yeah, and with how stupid the robot is right now it might kill him anyways!" Purple smiled. Skoodge muttered. "That would be terrible." The tallest looked at him oddly. Did he actually like Zim? If so they would have to watch their words around him, lest he tell Zim. That would be hard because it was so easy to forget that he was there, like they just had.

"Oh lighten up we're just joking. Who would want to kill Zim?" Purple raised his hand. Red sighed. "Put your hand down, Purple."

Purple put his hand down.

 **GIR's eyes glow. Zim screams, and scrambles out of the way as GIR shoots a laser beam at him, then takes off running. GIR lowers himself down into the hole to chase after Zim.**

' **Squidman' dives after them. "Wait! Don't leave me on land!"**

 **Zim skids to a halt in between two shelves of books. He tiptoes down the rows, and a book falls off the shelf, startling him. Zim screams, and jumps onto the other shelf, trembling. "GIR! GIR, is that you?!"**

 **Zim jumps down, and backs away. But he ends up backing into GIR. Zim cries out ajd throws a book at GIR, then scales a shelf. GIR immediately begins tracking him. "Target found! Eliminate moron!"**

Skoodge bit his lip in nervousness, on the edge of his seat. The Tallest were also on the edge of their seat but for a different reason. They chanted "Go GIR go!".

Unfortunately, this happened right when Zim turned the drill he had been using off. He looked up at them in confusion. "What?"

"Ummmm… GO GIR go…. Away?"

"Ah ok then." Zim said and they sighed in relief. Thank goodness Zim was -as the robot had so nicely put it a few seconds ago- a moron. Zim continued on oblivious to what they were thinking. "Back to work then, you won't believe how magnificently this is going! I've already installed the squiggly blooot and-" 

"Ok then good!" Red said, cutting off the irken. He really didn't feel like listening to an hour of mumbo jumbo text talk. "Keep going, don't mind us!"

"Ok then."

 **Zim jumps down onto the the other side of the shelf, but the laser beams quickly penetrate the barrier**

 **GIR watches Zim with his X-Ray enhanced vision. Zim takes off running, and GIR continues trying to hit him with his laser beams. He misses but finally Zim is cornered as the path is blocked off by some vending machines. "Curse you, snacks! Curse yoooooouuuuu!" The lights go off and GIR's eyes glow. Electricity sparks up on the top of the canister, lighting up the room. Four wires extend from the canister, slamming Zim into the candy dispenser behind him and cracking the glass, the force of the blow knoking the police hat off his head. Another wire extends, and attaches to the first in the row of computers. GIR's face appears on all of the monitors.**

"Even Zim's bathrooms are evil, it was out of toilet paper! Only a truly evil person wouldn't replace the toilet paper." Dib groaned. He looked around the room. "What did I miss?"

The Tallest promptly hide the pompoms and flags behind their backs. Dib however caught the movement. He saw the pompoms and the guilty looks on their faces.

"What are those?" He asked suspiciously. Purple replied sarcastically. "Pompoms, duh! For someone with such a big head you sure are dumb."

"I mean, why do you have those? And where did you get them from anyways?" Dib replied in exasperation. Red answered the first question, but didn't bother with the second. He himself had no idea. "We were cheering on Zim."

"Yeah go go zim go!" Purple yelled overenthusiastically, exaggeration his movements as he shook the pompoms around. Dib frowned in suspicion. "Hmmmmmm….. were you shouting about something? I thought I heard shouting."

"Umm, a little?" Dib motioned with his hand for him to keep on talking. "What were you shouting about?"

"Go go zim!" The pompoms waved in the air once again. Dib hummed. "Uhhh huh…"

" **For the good of the mission." GIR says, Zim pleads. "GIR… you were my servant once! Remember?"**

" **Yes. I didn't like it."**

Dibs brows furrowed. This was interesting information. So the robot actually didn't like serving Zim? Dib thought about all the power the robot had shown. If he could turn it to his side it would be an amazing force for good! He could show everyone the robot and they would have to believe him. The robot could rat out zim!

But then he remembered that this was GIR he was talking about. Maybe this wasn't the greatest idea. But he filed it away in his mind for later.

 **GIR's eyes glow. Zim struggles in vain to escape from the wires. GIR gets ready to fire his laser.**

" **Hey! Over here!" GIR looks to the left, only to have ink squirted into his eyes, which he starts rubbing his eyes frantically. GIR howls. "Vision…impaired! Can't see!"**

" **My ink! I did it!"**

"Oh…. My…. Tallest…" Scoodge whimpered. Dib stared at the screen in disgust. That better not have been what he thought it was. Red spoke, not seeming nearly as bothered. "I didn't know humans could squirt ink."

Dib winced. He informed him. "They don't." Red looked confused. "Then what was… ewww!"

Purple still looked confused. "What!? What is it?"

"I'll tell you later."

 **The wires shoot back into the canister. Zim narrows his eyes and jumps down from the vending machine. He runs up to GIR and leaps onto him, knocking the canister's hover off kilter. Zim opens GIR's head and pulls out the behavioral modulator. GIR tries to reach him with his own arm, and one of the wires smacks Zim off of GIR's head. Zim turns the Modulator right down. GIR punches the air angrily, and suddenly goes back to normal mode. The canister falls to the ground. He falls out of the canister and lands face down on the floor, grinning. "Hi, floor! Make me a sammich!"**

The tallest couldn't help but let out a sigh. It had been good while it lasted.

" **That's better!…I guess?" GIR runs in circles around the Data Canister, giggling. "Sammiiiich!"**

Dib agreed with Zim. Though it was good that the robot wasn't trying- wait had he been rooting for Zim? This place was really getting to his head, he needed to focus! This was an infiltration, and these people were the enemy!

 **GIR, Zim and 'Squidman' are looking out over the water on a tranquil beach. "I want to thank you. That was quite an adventure! The car wreck, the library fight, and then the galactic space battle that happened on the way to this beach." Zim replied, not nearly as happy. "Yes, yes, very nice, now into the ocean with you, where you can tell no one of these things."**

" **I'm coming home!" He jumps into the water, extactic. GIR calls after him. "G'bye! G'byyye! G'byee! G'bye, g'bye!"**

 **The sun goes down, and 'Squidman' leaps through the water. GIR smiles. "He's gettin' eaten by a shark."**

"The robots kidding right?' Dib asked, horrified. 

"I wish they had shown us. This thing needs more action." Red complained. Dib felt faint. He didn't think they were kidding. He could only hope that the robot was being its usual crazy self and the … 'Squidman'… had swum back to shore.

"DONE!" Zim announced triumphantly once again. Skoodge looked nervous. "You fixed the rabbit ears thing?"

"Yeah." Zim said proudly. Purple questioned rudely. "Well what took so long?"

"Well I added a few improvements." Zim explained. "It is also a doom weapon, can provide power for itself, and can even make toast. I even installed a radio, it taps into all of the galaxies hottest stations."

"That's actually not too bad." Purple admitted.

Zim grinned in pride at the compliment. Dib stared in awe at the machine. What would even be on an alien radio station? Top ten tips for enslaving the universe? He didn't have to wait long because Zim switched it on. But when Dib heard what was coming out of the machine his blood turned to ice.

See you guys next time! Sorry it took so long to update, believe it or not I did not have access to my laptop for a while because I was traveling on holiday, and I didn't realize that this would happen until too late. Oops.

And Dib is getting closer. How much longer can the secret stand? How will he react? Tune in next time and you may find out. Or not. I'm not telling.

Remember, reviews are always appreciated. I love getting the long ones but even a simple "I liked this chapter." Is always good. It makes me happy to know that I am making you happy. Constructive criticism is always welcome and I do take suggestions for things you want to happen.

Remember I do have a poll so to ensure you guys get all the episodes you want and that none of the amazing ones are skipped, feel free to quickly fill that out. This story is meant to amuse you and this poll helps me make sure it does.

See you next time and thanks again!


	9. Battle Dib

I'm back again with yet another chapter of madness! Sorry about the increasingly long waits, life is just crazy right now.

Disclaimer: Do I even need to say it anymore? I do not have any claim on the Invader Zim franchise. This is a work of fanfiction and I am making no profits.

Ok now that that is over with on to the reviews!

 **Summer Weeks:** At the moment it looks like I will. :)

 **Rocky Rooster:** Glad that you liked it :)

Yeah now that the idea is in their head it is almost certainly going to cause trouble for Zim later on. I am doing it based on the most highly requested episodes. I might, it depends on if you guys vote for them!

 **Guest who commented "** **Wait until they see dark harvest what will they think of zim."** Yeah I will probably end up doing Dark Harvest. I feel like it is just so… different from the other episodes if you know what I mean.

 **Im-Gay-For-A-Cultist:** Yeah, it has definitely caused some change in how they perceive him. And as for the ink… "You don't wanna know."

 **Guest:** Glad that you find it so entertaining :) Yeah Gaz is an interesting character to work with and I'm not sure I've quite mastered working with her. So yeah… might be for the best that she isn't hanging around.

 **Invader Johnny:** Thanks! Yeah I'm sure the Tallest are regretting it now. And yep, you caught me lol. I kind of regard that story as cannon ever since I read it. :)

 **Zim's Most Loyal Servant:** Yeah, the idea is just so farfetched to him that even with it staring him in the face he remains ignorant. But it's becoming more and more obvious so the question is will he get out of there before it becomes too obvious and he figures It out?

As for the Black Friday thing I couldn't resist. XD

 **CE:** Thanks! :) Yeah it is really ironic. Maybe I should write a sequel where the Tallest try to fix GIR because what they found out, hoping that he will terrorize Zim. What do you think?

Just wanted to thank everyone who reviewed once again! You guys are the best. If I could I would give you all a million dollars each but since I don't quite have that much, I will just have to settle for telling you guys that you are amazing. Seriously. XD

 **Characters in the Room**

Both Tallest

Zim

Dib

Skoodge

One more thing. I decided to mix this up a bit. I was planning on doing Tak the Hideous New Girl but because I wanted to surprise you and mix it up a bit, and since there is a plot bunny that is burning a hole in my mind the IZ crew will be seeing a different episode instead…

Enjoy XD

The words flooded out from Zim's contraption and Dib felt his face flush with heat from the embarrassment. **"** **Dib! Dun Dun Dun Dun DIIIIIB! He's gonna do it! Hee'a gonna DEWWWW IIIIT! Dun Dun. DIIB! He's gonna WIIIIIN! Dib! Dubba dubba!"**

Purple gasped. "I think Dub is dying!" Red looked at Dib as well. "Think we should call an ambulance or something? I think his head is about to explode."

"How would we do that, you dummy?! I think we should put him out of his misery, he is obviously suffering. Don't you see his tortured expression?" Purple turned to Dib. "Now hold still, this will be over quickly."

Zim grinned and pressed a button on his new machine. A panel opened up and spat out a ray gun into Zim's hands. Zim quickly passed it to Purple. Dib's eyes widened at seeing the gun. "NO! I'm fine!" He yelled.

"Look, I wish there was another way but you are obviously dying. Look, it will be over quickly and I bet it will only hurt a little."

"Actually." Zim corrected. "That ray gun is designed to inflict brutal pain on its victims. It will be extremely painful and you will probably suffer for at least a minute." Zim's grin resembled that of a shark.

"Ok then, it will be a long and painful death." Purple corrected. "Anyways, just let me- hey wait where did you go?"

Dib was pounding against the door. "Let me out! I swear, I'll do anything you want, just let me OUT!" He howled. Purple fired the laser at him, but Dib jumped out of the way and took off, quite literally running for his life. Purple grimaced. "

That's what you get for goofing off during training! If you had paid attention, then you would have hit him!" Red informed Purple snarkily.

"If you would just hold still this would be a lot easier!" He called out, firing beam after beam at the panicking Dib. Purple was getting frustrated. "Hey give it to me, I could hit him." Red demanded. Purple paused his shooting spree to glare at his coleader, clutching the gun to his chest.

"No way, you always get to do the fun stuff. It's my turn!"

Red grabbed at the gun and soon they were engaged in a furious game of tug of war. Zim looked concerned about something. "Ummm, My Tallest?" The Tallest disregarded him in favor of continuing in their fighting. Zim grew more frantic.

"Umm My Tallest?" 

"My Tallest?!" 

"MY TALLEST?!"

"LOOOOKKKK AT ZIIIIIIMMMM!"

Finally, both Red and Purple looked up, both loosening their furious grip on the gun. "What is it, Zim?" Red asked in annoyance. But before Zim could explain they found the gun snatched from behind. "I'll be taking that, thank you very much!" Dib snapped, panting from exhaustion.

"What are you doing?!" Purple whined. "Give that back."

"No way! I don't feel like being shot today, or any other day." Dib retorted. Purple protested. "Well you're dying anyways, why should it matter if we shoot you with this? Don't be so selfish." 

"I'm not dying!" Dib snapped. Purple huffed. "Yeah right, your face is changing colours and you can't breath. Sounds like you're dying to me."

"I'm just a little tired, ok? You would be too if you had to race across a room avoiding lasers for like ten minutes!"

"But your face was red before that. You're not fooling me! What do you think I am, a fool? I'm not your fool, fool!" Purple huffed.

"Look, I just don't like that song, ok? It brings back bad memories." Dib sulked. Zim grinned. "Not for me! I had the time of my life broadcasting your hideousness for the whole galaxy to see!"

"Wait, what do you mean Dub's hideousness?" Red asked in confusion, which was quickly replaced with a look of shock. "You're not Dub, you're Dib!"

Red began pacing and waving his hands wildly in the air. "I can't believe it was you the whole time! Why'd you tell us your name was Dip?"

Purple peered at Dib skeptically. "Are we sure he's really Dib? I mean he looks nothing like the footage."

"Of course he is, nobody looks the same as they do on tv in real life. Don't you know that?" Red replied. "What I'm really torn up about is how he lied to us about being Dup!"

"I never said my name was Dup, you idiots just can't get my name right!" Dib fumed, quickly tiring of the subject. "And why do you think I'm a celebrity anyways? It was just one video! Not that big of a deal if you asked me."

Though it seemed impossible Dib's face turned a shade redder at the memory of his unfortunate humiliation. Purple however, wasn't buying it.

"Are you kidding me? You have your own statue on the garbage planet, you hold the universe record for traumatizing children, and most of the memes in the universe are about you! Well, the ones that aren't about Zim."

Zim smirked. "Well yes, this is only natural. I am inspiring am I not? Most meme-worthy."

The Tallest smirked. They got the feeling if he actually saw the memes he wouldn't be so pleased. But he didn't need to know that.

Dib didn't know what to make of it. Though he had always wanted to become world famous, it was supposed to be for saving the planet from an extraterrestrial threat and being the best paranormal investigator ever, not….. this.

"Hey, can I have your autograph?" Red requested. Dib blinked. "Sure!" He said in surprise, the flush in his face still lingering but less prominently. Purple reached into his PAK, drawing out a pen. "I usually keep this around so that I can sign autographs myself, you know. I'm amazing that way. But just this once I'll let you borrow it. But you owe me!"

"Umm, where should I…" Dib started but Red was already on it. "Here!"

A book was shoved into Dib's hands. It was an incredibly large book and Dib almost fell down due to the sudden weight in his unprepared arms. But that wasn't the most unusual thing about the book. The cover and every single page were plastered with autographed photos of Red. "You can sign the one in the very back. All the others have already been signed."

Dib flipped towards the back but noticed something odd. "Hey, why did you sign all of these photos yourself?" Red just huffed. "Look kid, someday when you are a big time celebrity like me you'll understand."

Dib reached the very last page. It contained a picture of purple posing for what was supposed to be a glamour shot but he was so bad at posing that it looked like he was severely constipated as well as slightly mentally ill.

"Right here?" Dib asked. Red nodded. Dib began signing his name in his usual fashion but paused partway through because someone was breathing on his neck. He turned around only to find himself awkwardly close to Purple who had been peering over his shoulder with little regard for the boy's bubble. "Don't mind me just act like I'm not here."

Dib felt his teeth grind a little but he continued. He dotted the i and added the little curl to the-

"Hmmmmm" Red hummed in consideration. Dib felt his teeth grind even more. He took a deep breath and continued. He just had to do that little thing he liked to do with the M and then-

"HMMMMMM….." Red hummed even more loudly, coupled with a sigh from Purple. Dib growled. "What?!" 

"You know, I'm not sure I like where this is going." Red ran a hand over the notebook and the progress that Dib had made on the signature disappeared. "Why don't you just start over."

Dib once again signed his name, barely holding in his anger this time as Red let out another loud sigh. "You know, I wish the D would just be a little taller-"

"You know what I'm done with this. Just resume the stupid footage or do something productive!"

"But you still haven't signed it properly!" Red protested. Dib growled. "This is my signature. This is what it looks like."

"But-" Red protested and Dib repeated himself. "Just play the stupid footage, anything to end this anguish."

"The Tallest are right, Dib-worm. As always. You must give them your weak earthlng signature and move out of the way so that Zim can demonstrate the brilliance of his machine!" Zim declared before adding in. "Preferably very far away like one of the dark moons of Ditoshlablia."

"I dunno, now that Zim's in I'm not sure I want to do this anymore. Let's watch the footage." Zim's eyes widened in dismay. "But my Tallest I havn't had the chance to test my machine on the Dib Monkey- I mean test my hard worked apon machine of awesomeness yet! Surely-"

"Nope. My mind is set now." Red declared. The screen, seemingly hearing this decision, flashed back to life.

" **We'll be back with more mind-shattering adventures in science in just a moment when Professor Membrane returns." A series of grabs flash across the screen.**

"I'm bored!" Purple moaned. "I miss exploding things."

"Hey, if you're are bored we can test my machine on Skoodge!" Zim hopefully suggested. Dib glanced around. "Hey wait where's Skoodge anyways?" Dib realized that he hadn't seen the Irken since the end of the last clip. He still had lots of questions. Zim and his leaders were devious evil geniuses, he wasn't getting anything out of them, so the other alien was his only hope.

"I dunno. I think he said something about having to use the bathroom." Purple commented, scooping a handful of something that looked like popcorn from a bucket in his hand into his mouth. Dib still had no idea where these snacks were coming from, honestly it kind of un-nerved him.

"Ah yes, the bathroom. Poor Skoodge must be so overwhelmed in admiration of me that he has become horrifically sick. Ah well, what can you do."

"I'm pretty sure that's not it." Red muttered, and Dib had to agree. "Well if he is sick I wouldn't be surprised if it's from being around you. Being around you makes everyone want to throw up." 

Zim looked at his enemy smugly. "I guess even a boy with the IQ of a rock can see how AMAZING I am!" He bragged, and Dib just rolled his eyes. He had to feel sorry for Skoodge, living with Zim had to be enough to drive you mad. With this much exposure to all that … Zim-ness… no wonder he was under the weather.

 **Dib runs up to the door of Professor Membrane Studios panting and holding a briefcase with the Swollen Eyeball insignia on it, but a guard stops him, pointing a tazer stick at him.**

"Oooooh, what's that!" Zim asked, motioning at the weapon giddily. Purple paused his sulking to look up at the screen and his gaze momentarily brightened. "Does it make things explode?"

" **Whoa! Whoa! Audience tryouts are on the OTHER side of the building!" The guard protests. Dib pants out. "No, I have to get in to see Professor Membrane!" The door guard zaps Dib with his tazor stick. Dib screams. The door guard does it again and Dib screams louder.**

Zim smirked but Purple let loose a sigh. "That was funny I guess, but he didn't explode." Zim patted Purple on the back, sympathetic to his plight. "I feel your pain. The Dib-Stink never explodes when I poke him with sticks either. And believe me I've tried. I think he is just really bad at exploding."

Purple shoved Zim's hand away from his back and glared at Dib. "Why do you have to be so bad at exploding!?"

Dib wasn't sure how to respond to that.

" **Nobody gets in to see Professor Membrane without a security clearance!" The guard insists. Dib protests. "You don't get it! He's my dad!"**

 **The door guard shocks him again and he screams. "Really, I need him to sign this!"**

 **After being shocked once again Dib screams. "Will you cut that out!? If I don't get him to sign this," Dib explains, pulling a permission slip out of his vest and waving it around. "the world as we know it will be destroyed!"**

" **Okay. You explain it to me." The guard insists. Dib replies. "Okay..."**

 **We see Dib in his room at the computer. The same brief case lies on a desk in Dib's room, open and displaying a 3-d rotating projection of Zim's head without the disguise on.**

"Hey, that's me!" Zim cackled. "Paying homage to my greatness with a holographic statue, are we Dib-Stink?"

Dib smirked. "Nope."

 **Dib's monitor displays the silhouette of an agent from the Swollen Eyeball society. "Agent Mothman, your fellow Swollen Eyeball members agree to see this presentation of yours at 8:00 sharp tonight. But you will need a signed permission slip to attend tonight's meeting."**

"Dib, your friends are creepy." Red commented. "They're just shadows with red eyes."

"Yeah, and everyone knows that purple eyes are better anyways." Purple commented and Red glared at him. "They are not." 

"Are too!" 

"It doesn't matter, that's not what they really look like. That just hides their identities." Dib said, interrupting what could have turned into a very loud argument.

"They should have used purple for their eyes anyways." Purple breathed, but luckily Red didn't catch this remark.

" **Are you kidding? I need my dad's permission to save the world?" Dib exclaimed.**

" **Don't try faking a signature either." The agent warned. "The paper is programmed to explode in just such an event."**

"Explode?" Purple asked excitedly.

"Yeah, it did end up exploding if I remember correctly." Purple sat up straighter and watched the screen with new enthusiasm.

 **Dib's monitor fades out he stands up and walks over to his open brief case. "Well, they at least gave me this chance to present my findings on Zim. I can't mess this up." Dib shuts the brief case and picks it up. "Mankind depends on it!"**

 **The door guard shocks Dib who is lost in his memories without hesitation. Dib groans. "Hey!"**

 **Gaz walks up surprising Dib. "Gaz! What are you doing here?"**

 **The screen does a flash back to Dib's living room. Gaz sets a box of pizza on the coffee table as Dib walks in. "I can't believe I don't have handcuffs to lock this thing to my wrist! Okay, checklist. Briefcase, permission slip, extra copy of permission slip just in case... I think that's it."**

 **Gaz lifts the last slice of pizza out of the box and holds it to her mouth, but Dib pops up next to her and grabs the pizza. "Oh yeah! Thanks, Gaz! Don't want to starve to death while saving the Earth!" Dib enthusiastically proclaims then runs off.**

 **Gaz begins to hyperventilate, and her eyes widen. "Let it be known that from this day, until the end of the day, vengeance will be mine. Dib, you will not know the meaning of peace, for I shall rain misery down upon your pizza-stealing heart!" Gaz's eye twitches as she finishes the rant.**

"Well that wasn't ominous at all." Red commented sarcastically.

"Yeah Gaz can be like that sometimes. She doesn't mean any harm, well, except for when she does." Dib explained. Red looked confused. "So wait, I don't get it."

"The Gaz-Beast is crazy." Zim simplified. "Ohhhhhhhhh." Red understood now.

"Hey, don't you dare insult my sister!" Dib yelled at Zim who replied. "So you would claim that she isn't crazy?"

"Well, hey that's a trick question. The point is that nobody insults my sister but me! You got that?" Zim muttered something in response that Dib couldn't make out, but from what he could make out it didn't sound like he was agreeing. Still he was mumbling to himself instead of shouting the insults for the world to hear, which was kind of an improvement. "Good."

 **The flashback ends and Gaz speaks. "I thought I'd help you out."**

 **This pleased Dib. "Thank you, Gaz. It's about time somebody helped out. You'd think people would be a little more eager to help fight off an invading alien swarm." Behind Dib's back Gaz signals to the guard that Dib is crazy.**

Dib frowned.

" **Now if you would just show me to the-" The guard shocks Dib and the boy once again screams.**

" **Professor Membrane is shooting his show. The only way you get to see him is if you make it into the audience."**

" **But he's my dad!"**

" **Other side of the building!" The guards taser stick shoots out again causing yet another scream. A large tube lowers over Dib and sucks him and his briefcase up.**

" **Fanboy..." The guard mumbles.**

 **Dib falls out of the other end of the tube in a room with many desks where people are filling out a test. Dib lands in an empty desk. He glances around and then his brief case falls from the tube onto his head, making him groan. A hovering robot approaches Dib holding a piece of paper in one claw and a pencil in the other. "This is the Professor Membrane audience admissions exam."**

 **The robot hands Dib the paper and pencil. Dib holds up the paper and glances at it. "You need to take an exam to be in the audience?"**

" **This exam will test your knowledge of science, math, and the personal history of Professor Membrane." The robot informed Dib who questioned. "How am I supposed to know what Dad's first sentient thought was?"**

" **It was 'I will poop now.'" Dib looks at the desk behind him and sees Gaz sitting there reading the book 'I, membrane.' "It's here in his autobiography."**

 **A girl wearing Membrane merchandise sitting behind Gaz looks over Gaz's shoulder and chuckles. "That's not it, it's-" Gaz knocks the rejected girl out of her chair with a hearty smack in the face.**

" **How did you get in here?"**

" **I took the staff entrance."**

"We need a staff entrance! Get me a staff entrance!" Purple demanded. Red spoke. "While that does sound nice we already have some of those."

"Well we need more! I think one would look nice next to the computer."

"But the wall behind the computer is the only thing that separates the inside of the ship from the void of space." Red pointed out. Purple huffed. "So what, I bet there are lots of staffs in space. I hear the weather in space is lovely in space this time of year, yesterday it got up to -29384857294 klickdibouts! Why wouldn't a staff want to be there?"

"Hmmm, you make a good point. Remind me and we will have one installed when we get back."

" **There's a staff entrance?" Gaz shrugs.**

" **Fine! Maybe I don't know Dad's first poop, but I can beat this test with my superior knowledge of science." Dib manages to finish the test despite Gaz making him uncomfortable by constantly looking over his shoulder. Dib looks over at the person sitting to his left, but Gaz shoots out of the side, blocking Dib's view of the person's paper and stopping him from cheating.**

 **The girl sitting behind Dib raises her hand and the robot hovers to her. It grabs her test and slips it into a slot on its head.**

" **94 percent. Your score is..." The girl sits happily waiting for the answer. "UNACCEPTABLE!"**

 **The rejected girl screams as her desk slides out of the row and zooms backwards towards the wall. The desk goes into an open chamber of pitch black room and steal doors shut behind her with the word 'reject' marked on them.**

 **Red lights flash and Dib looks back at where she went, worried. The hovering robot grabs Dib's test and sticks it into the slot on the top of its head. "Evaluating... 94.1 percent. Your score is... acceptable! Congratulations!"**

"Zim would have gotten a higher score." Zim pointed out. Dib looked highly skeptical. "I really doubt that." 

"It's true. Anything that you can do Zim can do a million… nay, a Bazillion times better! Zim's just awesome that way."

"Uh huh. Well riddle me this, Mr. Bazillion. What did my Dad eat on Friday of May 15, 2016 at 3:12 pm?"

"Ummm.. a.." Zim stuttered trying to think of something that humans ate. "cow beast of course! He ate a putrid cow beast!"

Dib shook his head in mock sorrow. "Wrong again, Zim. But really what can you expect from an alien with an IQ of less than a rock's."

Zim clenched his fists in fury. "Well… ummm… NOBODY LIKES YOU!"

"So what is the answer Dib?" Red asked leaning back into the couch. Dib looked a bit surprised then nervous. "Well umm… that's not the point!"

"You don't know do you." Red asked, more of a statement than a question. Dib replied with. "I said that's NOT the point!"

Zim laughed in triumph. "Zim was right!"

"Oh shut up Zim." Dib sulked. "You're probably wrong anyways."

 **A celebratory tune plays from the robot and compartment opens on the robot and confetti sprays out. "Okay, that was annoying." Dib grabs his suitcase as the hovering robot hovers away. "But at least it was easy."**

 **The tube lowers from the ceiling above Dib's head. Dib screams as he is sucked up, hitting his head. He finds himself rising up into a darkened arena in a battle suit, holding his suit case. A mechanical arm places a helmet on Dib's head and another places a disk shaped marker on his chest. " Welcome to the audience admissions test, round two!"**

" **Round two?" Lights turn on revealing that Dib is in a giant chain-link dome. Dib gasps. He turns around and sees Gaz leaning against the outside of the dome. "Gaz?"**

" **Staff entrance." "Junior scientist, choose your science tool!" The announce's voice commands, coming from a bundle of speakers outside the dome. The floor opens up and a row of giant tools rise out, including tongs, a dropper, a cork-screw, and a nail file.**

" **Okay..." Dib grabs the dropper. The mechanical arm that was holding it up lets go and all the other tools lower into the floor. The announcer speaks again. "Now, let the battle begin!"**

" **Battle?" Dib questions. A deformed green, ogrelike kid with a gargantuan head charges Dib with a giant q-tip. "Feel the power of Shunk Wugga!"**

"Whoa ok, Dib's doomed." Red commented.

"He was so young. Such a bright future as the ruler of the garbage people, wasted!" Purple lamented to the annoyance of Dib.

"Ummm, I'm right here you know." Dib pointed out awkwardly. Purple snapped. "Quiet Dib, can't you see I'm in mourning!"

"Ummm, ok I guess." Dib consented. "That's better." Purple replied.

"Now where was I? Oh yeah." He remembered. "The universe is doomed! Without his big head to weigh this half of the universe down everything will just fly away!"

"Hey, my head is not- oh just forget it." All of this arguing was giving Dib a killer headache.

 **Dib screams and runs as Shunk chases after him, grunting as he runs. Shunk knocks Dib down by smacking him with his q-tip weapon. Dib bounces against the wall and hits the floor. He looks up at Shunk, worried but the boy speaks. "Don't worry small friend. Shunk have plan. We end in tie we both go see show."**

Zim glared at the screen in disgust. He had looked forward to watching the Dib beast get crushed but the monster kid was evidently not going to make it happen. He hated that kid now.

" **What? Okay, Shunk was it?" Dib extends a hand to Shunk but accidentally hits Shunk's point marker. It flashes. "Point goes to contestant number one!"**

 **The score board increases a point on Dib's side to the ogre-like boy's dismay. "All of Shunk's dreams not come true!"**

 **Dib walks over and sits down on a seat against the wall in front of where Gaz watches from behind the fencing, griping it in her hands. "I'm not sure what kind of test this is, Gaz, but I seem to be doing okay."**

 **Gaz growls and lets go of the fencing, heading over to where Shunk sits on his side of the arena. "Little guy betray me! Shunk feel hurt like never before!"**

 **Gaz talks to Shunk. "You know, he says he could slice you like a pizza! And your head is hideously misshapen."**

"Gaz betrayed me? But why?!" Dib lamented.

"I'm sure your sister has an excellent reason for whatever it is she did."

Dib whirled around only to find himself face to face with Professor Membrane.

"DAD!? How did you get here?!"

Zim whirled around in fear. "Your parental unit?! WHERE?" He saw Professor Membrane and his eyes widened. "EEEkk!"

Zim knew that he had left his disguise upstairs. Without it, he was completely exposed. Zim made a split second decision. He dove under the couch with a thud.

Professor Membrane smiled at Dib. "Well hello there little boy, have you seen my son Dip?"

"Dad, it's me. I'm your son." Dib reminded his Dad in exasperation before he felt a flood of excitement as he realized who was in front of him and where they were.

"Really? I could have sworn you had blond hair. Oh well I gue-" Professor Membrane started before he was interrupted by Dib frantically tugging on his arm.

"Dad, dad! Look at all this, now I have PROOF!" Dib exclaimed. The Professor looked around at his surroundings. He observed the height tech and foreign looking alien technology. He observed the… tiny moose… lying on the ground. He observed the battered RoboDad, lying headless and incapacitated on the floor.

Lastly, he observed the people. He observed the Tallest and their lack of hair and their green skin, antennas, and all of their alien features. He observed his son, his torn clothes and black eye, his scraped up arms and legs. He noticed the giant tunnel drilled through floor filled with rubble. He glanced on the frozen image on the nearby screen showing his daughter.

"I like your friend's house." The Professor commented. Dib was exasperated. "It's not a house, it's an evil alien lair of doom! Zim's evil lair of doom, because Zim is an evil ALIEN!"

Professor Membrane patted Dib on the head. "Such an imagination! Where is your little foreign friend by the way?"

"He's under that couch… without his disguise!" Dib realized. He grabbed Zim's boot which was barely sticking out from the couch and heaved as hard as he could. But Zim was determined not to leave and wretched his foot out of Dib's hand and out of reach.

"Little green boy, is that you?" The Professor asked. After a moment he got a response, slightly muffled by the couch. "Yes, it is I, completely normal earth boy Zim! I am going to stay down here because… I live here now! Yes I live here now which is totally normal earth dirt child behavior and not something an advanced Irken invader would do."

"I'll say, no halfway decent Irken warrior would hide under a couch." Red snorted catching the scientist's attention. "Ah yes, you must be Zim's parents!" 

"His what?"

"You know you look different somehow. Did you get a new haircut? I like it."

The Tallest were getting pretty confused. "Well actually we-"

"Sorry can't talk anymore well have to chat later. Science waits for no man! Or woman. Anyone really I don't think the gender matters... hmmmm…" The Professor mused. The Tallest were taken aback.

"I think he just ignored me!" Red exclaimed. Purple suggested. "How dare he ignore us! We should ignore him back."

"Good idea!" Both Tallest turned away from the scientist, heads held high.

"Dad, what are you even doing here?" Dib questioned.

"Well, I was looking for you. I looked at all of the places you kids like to hang, the malt shop, the disco dance floor, the bellbottom pants store, the dumpster, but you were nowhere to be found." The professor explained. "Then I remembered how you are always calling me to babble about your little foreign friend, so I came over to look for you here. This lovely little robot dog flushed me down a toilet and now here I am!"

"Wait you came here for me?" Dib felt his heart swell with joy. "That's perfect! Now we can bust the aliens together, just the two of us. It will be GREAT!"

"What aliens?"

Dib almost facepalmed. "The ones forcing me to watch these stupid videos!"

"Hey, we don't want to be here either." Purple protested before Red hissed in his ear. "We're ignoring them, remember? Pretend like they aren't there."

"Look son, I think it's great that you are watching movies with children your own age."

"Hey, watching Dib talking to NOBODY is getting old because the conversation is very one-sided because NOBODY is there." Purple spoke, and Red nodded in agreement. "We should watch the footage instead of listening to Dib talk to NOBODY, who if they were somebody and not nothing would probably be a jerk who likes to ignore people."

"Well son, I better leave you to watch your movie with your friends. Have fu-"

"WAIT!" Dib yelled, latching onto his father's leg. "You can't go yet. Stay and watch the footage with us, you might see something… interesting."

"I'm sorry son but I really am busy you know." The Professor replied, trying to shake Dib off his leg, but failing as the boy was latched on so strongly.

Dib knew he had do something, his father needed to see this. But what could make the man want to stay. "I broke my leg, Dad I'm in agony!" Dib fibbed. "I need you to stay and take care of me!"

"Walk it off son, I'm sure it's nothing."

Well that didn't work. Suddenly Dib was struck with a brilliant idea. "The footage has science in it!" 

Professor Membrane hummed to himself. "Is that so? Well maybe I can find a minute in my busy schedule to see what has you so worked up."

" **No!" Shunk cried out.**

" **Battle 2 of 3! Test your knowledge of combustion with Pyrochaos!"**

 **Dib glances down as the floor lowers leaving 18 platforms. Flames shoot out from where the floor previously was and a mechanical arm emerges from the wall and attaches a cable to Dib's back. The same thing happens to Shunk.**

 **Dib looses his balance and falls onto the edge of the platform he is standing on. "What does this have to do with science!?"**

Professor Membrane sighed. He had been watching this footage for less than a minute and already his son was asking stupid questions. How disappointing.

"Do you ever feel like your child disappoints you?" He asked Purple and Red. "Like they can't be your child at all?"

"Did you hear something Purple?" Red asked head held high in the air.

"No, I did not, Red." Purple answered.

Professor Membrane observed the interaction between the two. Maybe he should science them up some hearing aids, as the poor things were obviously suffering from severe hearing loss.

 **Dib gets back up. Shunk leaps from platform to platform with the help of the cable attached to his back. Dib glances at the flames and tucks his brief case under his arm and then clumsily jumps over to a platform and then over to another. Shunk leaps down on Dib and knocks the dropper out of Dib's hands with his q-tip weapon of science. It falls into the flames and shatters.**

 **Dib leaps up as Shunk swings his q-tip. Dib leaps again and flies across the arena. He falls to a platform and Shunk leaps at him. Shunk misses Dib with his q-tip and cracks the platform. Flames rise and in front of Dib, and when they lower, Dib sees Shunk right in front of him aiming his q-tip.**

On second thought Zim decided that the ogre kid was alright. He may have taken some encouragement from the Gaz-beast but at least he was beating up that drooling idiot Dib now.

 **Dib attempts to get away, but Shunk grabs Dib by his ankle. He pulls Dib back and lets go, sending him launching into the air. Dib hits the dome wall and bounces off of it. He falls down between the platforms. The cord pulls him back up just as flames rise. As he flies back up, Shunk swings his q-tip and misses. Dib flies up to the wall again but latches on this time. "Come down."**

 **Dib refused. "Come down and face Shunk."**

" **No." Dib refused again. Shunk screamed. "SHUNK!"**

" **How did you pass the verbal portion of the exam anyway?"**

The professor had to admit that his son had a point. Only the most worthy of candidates should be allowed to see him in person and someone who obviously was not a science genius should not be able to make it that far in the testing process. He decided that as soon as he got back to his lab he would enhance the difficulty of the test.

 **Shunk puts down his q-tip and grabs the chain link wall. He shakes it and the entire dome shakes. Gaz watches happily as Dib screams, losing grip and falling onto a platform. Shunk flips Dib over with his q-tip and uses the end of the q-tip to hit the marker on Dib's chest.**

" **Score goes to contestant 2. Let the tie breaker begin!" The floor rises back up and they return to their corners and sit down.**

" **It may be time to change strategies." Dib decides, panting. Gaz looks at him. "Yeah? Maybe I can help."**

"Your sister is always so helpful, why can't you be more like her?" Professor Membrane lectured Dib who frowned. He had been so hopeful when his Dad had come to see him that he didn't consider him a disappointment anymore. But it seemed like that wasn't the case.

" **Tell Shunk I'm willing to reconsider his offer for a tie."**

" **Dib says he wants you to explode and your head is still big!" Gaz falsely informed the other boy.**

" **Doctor say big head not mean anything bad! Shunk not bad! Shunk eat enemy!" Shunk wails. The announcer's voice comes on again. "Prepare for the final contest! Testing your knowledge of the insect world and cybernetic death machines, cyborarachnarama!"**

" **Cyberachno?" Dib puzzled to himself. "Spider robots? Do spiders have robots?"** **The top of the arena opens and two legless spider body suits lower from the ceiling. Each one is carried to the opponent by a mechanical arm. When Dib's reaches him, the top opens up. Dib tries to scramble away but a mechanical arm grabs him and puts him inside the spider suit, which closes on him so only his head is sticking out.**

 **The mechanical arm holding up the spider suit lets go and Dib flips around the ground grunting before spider legs extend from the body. Both Shunk and Dib scramble up separate sides of the dome. Spider-Shunk leaps at Dib but Dib side steps him.**

 **As Dib scrambles away, briefly slipping but managing to regain balance. Shunk and Dib both leap off of the walls and hurtle towards each other. Shunk hits Dib with a spider leg and they both cling to separate sides again. Shunk shoots artificial spider webbing out of the abdomen of his suit. Dib tries to jump out of the way but it ties around all of his legs.**

"Isn't it marvelous, son?" Professor Membrane asked Dib, eyes gleaming. Dib turned to his Dad. "Isn't what marvelous?"

"The science! Doesn't it fill your soul with hope and bring tears of joy to your eyes?"

"Not really, I guess." Dib admitted. "I'm more interested in when Zim will show up. He is always somewhere in the clip, always."

"Son, forget about your fairy tales and delusions for one minute and immerse yourself in science!" The man suggested. "It will change your life!"

"Uh huh." Dib nodded. What his father was saying was technically true. It certainly would change his life. For the worse as he would be a slave after Zim took over the world in his moment of distraction, but still his life would still be changed he supposed.

 **Dib also shoots his webbing and it hits the ceiling. Dib hangs from the ceiling as Shunk climbs up the wiring. "Hey, Shunk, how 'bout we do that tie thing now, eh?"**

 **Shunk however, was having none of it. "Big head can go off and explode huh?"**

 **Shunk cuts the top webbing with his spider arm. They both fall to the floor, except Shunk falls on Dib breaking open Dib's spider suit and shooting him out. Shunk lies on his back in the spider suit. "See? It's a tie! This way we both win!"**

 **Shunk manages to break out of his suit with sheer force. Dib shields his face as parts of the suit fly at him, and soon Shunk is looming over the smaller boy.**

" **Shunk destroy!"**

 **Shunk raises a fist but only gently taps Dib's marker. Dib frowns and Shunk waves his arms victoriously. "The winner is Shunk Wugga! All losers leave the arena. Now."**

"Loser!" Zim laughed. Though he was disappointed that the boy hadn't pummeled Dib, the insult aimed at the boy had cheered him up.

"You're one to speak, Mr. I-live-under-the-couch-now." Dib retorted. Zim snapped back. "Hey, for your information I like it down here."

"Then stay down there forever!" Dib suggested aggressively.

"Maybe I will." Zim pouted then clarified. "Not because you suggested it but because I want to."

"That's fine with me." Red chirped in.

"It would greatly brighten the future of the irken race!" Purple realized

"Why?" Zim asked, slightly puzzled. Wouldn't the universe suffer if all of that greatness remained under the couch.

"Because…. Imagine what we could do with the results of this amazing research of what it is like to live under a couch, alone, trillions of miles away from us could be used for. The possibilities are practically infinite!" Red told Zim.

"Like… DUST BUNNIES OF DOOM?" Zim suggested, a gleam in his eye that once again nobody could see as he was under the couch.

"Yeah sure." Red decided.

"DUST BUNNIES OF DOOOOOOOOMMMMMM!" Zim howled. The professor looked thoughtful.

 **A gate opens in the arena and studio guards walk in towards Dib, looking extremely hostile.**

" **Wait! I'm Doctor Membrane's son! Run a DNA test!" Dib grabs his brief case just before the guards grab him and drag him out of the gate. "You gotta believe me!"**

" **Come on... listen... to me... lemme... go!" Dib is dragged kicking and screaming through the halls. He looks at the clock and sees that it is 8:00, and his screams grow even louder. The guards drag Dib past Gaz who just smiles and waves. "Gaz! Help me! I'm sorry about your tacos or whatever, just help me"  
**

 **She catches sight of a box of pizza on a table with one slice of pizza left in it, making her eyes bulge and her pupils widen.**

 **As Dib gets dragged along, he opens his brief case and pulls out the two permission slips. He puts one back and shuts the brief case. "Excuse me, do you have a pen?"**

" **Here you go." The guard hands Dib a pencil and Dib writes 'Prof. Membrane' in cursive on the signature line.**

" **Forgery alert. This permission slip will self destruct in 5 seconds." The slip starts beeping and Dib crumples it up and hurls it into a trash can, which explodes.**

Purple started laughing to himself like a maniac from excitement. Everyone ignored him, they were used to it by now. Everyone but the Professor who was distracted by something else that had caught his eye.

"You wouldn't happen to be a serial killer, would you? It just occurred to me." The professor asked, motioning towards the RoboDad. Zim shrugged, though nobody could see it under the couch. "I dabble, why do you ask?"

"I just think it is nice for boys to have well rounded interests. If only my son was more like you." Dib gaped at his father. "Dad being a serial killer is a horrible, HORRIBLE thing!"

The professor however seemed unphased. He was used to his son growing agitated over the littlest of things. "Now son, I happen to know a serial killer named Johnny who is very nice. He even invited me in to help paint his wall once but I had to decline. He seemed disappointed, but SCIENCE was calling!"

Dib stared at his dad in shock. "Did you at least call the police?" 

"Why should I? Everyone has their own hobbies, who am I to intrude. Besides, I don't have time. I am a very busy man you know." Professor Membrane reminded Dib. "Speaking of which, it seems as though the science in this footage is done. So I am afraid I must be going."

"NO!" Dib exclaimed. "You have to stay! I know Zim will show up soon."

The scientist sighed. "Very well son but if you are wasting my time on whatever it is you want me to see, I will be very disappointed in you.

"Trust me, it'll be worth the wait." Dib promised.

 **The guards get distracted by the explosion right as they reach the exit door. Dib bolts for it. "Hey, get back here! You!" They run past Gaz as she lifts the slice to her mouth.**

" **Watch out!" Gaz turns to look and sees the guards coming back but it is too late, one of the guards bumps her and she drops the pizza.**

 **Dib runs down the hallway of dressing rooms. "Dad's dressing room must be around here somewhere!" Dib opens the door to Prof. Membrane's dressing room and finds his father powdering his face. "You gotta sign this! For the sake of all mankind!"**

" **Now, now. I don't sign autographs backstage, little boy."**

" **Little boy? Dad, I'm your- "The door opens up and the guards burst through.**

So that was what the boy had been trying to tell him. That explained why he had called him Dad. The professor had just assumed that the boy was crazy. Well, that assumption wasn't exactly wrong but still.

"Why didn't you tell me it was you, son?" 

"Shouldn't you be able to recognize your own son?" Dib asked in exasperation. The scientist just laughed. "That was a good one, son."

" **There's the intruder! Get him!"**

 **The guards hurl Dib into an alleyway by the trash. His brief case lies on the alley floor. "Noooooo! Planet Earth, doooomed!"**

" **Next time, we'll call your parents! Or legal guardian!" One of the men shouts and they all shut the door behind them.**

" **This is awful. When the aliens have come and we're all slaves to their alien evil, will the world ever know how hard I tried? Will they? Huh? Huh?**

 **The door opens back up and the door guard stands in the doorway. "Oh yeah, Professor autographed this for ya." The door guard drops the permission slip onto the ground and shuts the door behind him.**

 **Dib picks up the slip. "My permission slip! I can give my presentation! I did it! the world is saved! I can do my presen-" Dib topples backwards, interrupting his rant. "Ow!"**

 **Time Skip**

 **Dib walks on stage to the Swollen Eyeball meeting chamber. "My fellow Eyeballs. I won't make you wait any longer. What you are about to hear and see will... um... will... Dib glances around and then stares, slack-jawed as he realizes that he forgot the briefcase in the allyway behind Membrane Studios. "Uh... Could we reschedule this?"**

"That can't be the end of the clip, Zim wasn't in it. Why wasn't Zim in it?" Dib fretted.

"I'm pretty sure it was." Purple told Dib who growled in frustration. "Well then maybe it was a fluke. Let's just watch the next one then."

"Son, I told you I'm a busy man. Now I must go… but there was something I was here for. What was it again?"

"Because you love me and noticed I was missing and came looking for me?" Dib suggested.

"To meet us?" The Tallest also suggested, but the man shook his head.

"No that's not it… wait I remember! Son have you noticed anything unusual happening to you?"

"No, why?" Dib asked, clearly confused.

"Because I poured dangerous chemicals in your cereal this morning." The Professor calmly told him. Dib however, was not so calm. "WHY WOULD you do that?!"

"For science!" The man proclaimed. Seeing that this did not have the desired effect on his son he added on. "Besides there was a 90 percent chance of you surviving so it's fine. It doesn't seem like they have even done anything."

"But dad, I could have died!" Dib told his father, adrenaline still coursing through his small frame.

"It was for science son. Science." Dib was not pleased by this answer. He turned to the couch, growling.

"This is all your fault Zim. Why didn't you show up in the video?"

"Hey, it isn't my fault that this footage hasn't been graced by the presence of the awesome Zim yet." Zim defended. Dib realized that Zim had a good point, he actually wasn't sure how to argue with that. So, he turned to the usual pointless insults.

"Well, your face stinks! And I hate your boots!" Dib spat. An indignant Zim replied. "Hey, I thought you said you liked them! I specifically remember you complimenting my boots."

"Well I HATE them!" Dib replied, placing emphasis on the word hate. Zim clenched his fists in fury. Nobody insulted Zim's boots and got away with it!

"DIE YOU BOOTHATING EARTH-SLIME!" Suddenly Zim was a furious tornado, pining Dib down. Dib felt his head smack down on the floor with a dull thud. He blindly lashed out at Zim, but the irken had him pinned very well. "Prepare to meet your fate, Dib-stink!"

"I just can't believe this. All this time it was right under my nose!" Zim gasped as he remembered that the Dib unit's father was there. He dove for the safety of the couch again allowing Dib to get up.

"You finally believe me!" Dib exclaimed happily, still feeling a bit dizzy from how hard his head had impacted the floor. 

"Yes and let me just say, I'm very disappointed." The man shook his head sadly. Dib stared up at his father. That was not the response he had been expecting. "Wait what?"

"You not only just insulted this boy's boots, you attacked him as well when you were a guest in his home!" The scientist lectured. "Not to mention what I saw in that video. Sneaking into my workplace like that, running away from the guards, forging my signature, insulting that poor Shunk kid."

"That was Gaz." Dib pointed out, but it didn't help his case.

"And interrupting your father, why didn't you just ask me to sign your sheet? I think you deserve to be punished."

Dib groaned. Life just hated him, didn't it?

"But luckily for you I am too busy to discipline and/or raise my children. So just know how disappointed I am in you." Professor Membrane concluded. "Why can't you be more like that green child? He is currently conducting important research on dust bunnies of doom."

The scientist turned to The Tallest with a sigh. He massaged his temples. "Being a parent is so hard. I don't know how you managed to parent so well and create such a great son."

"We didn't" Red blatantly stated.

"Hmm, well if you didn't parent and your son is this good I must be on the right track after all." Professor Membrane realized. "After all, I never parent."

"I'm back." Stated a familiar voice, causing everyone but Professor Membrane to jump. When Dib realized who it was he broke out into a giant grin.

"Gaz you came to save me! I knew you wouldn't…" Dib slowed down as he realized something. "Wait, where's the rescue party."

"I just came back for my pizza." Gaz stated, before noticing a distinct lack of pizza where she had left it. "Wait where is it?"

Gaz's eyes traveled from Dib's guilty face and the empty pizza boxes stacked by the couch and immediately knew what had happened. "DIB!"

"Now honey, what did I say about being mean to your brother." Professor Membrane lectured.

"But Dad… he's just so… ARGGG." Gaz groaned. Her father patted her on the head. "I know honey, I know. But you must try your hardest." 

Gaz growled, and the Professor sighed. Sometimes he just didn't think he was cut out to have children. "Tell you what. How about we go home, and I will go work in the lab in our basement and you can order some pizza."

"Whatever." Gaz grunted.

Prof turned to Zim's couch.

"I hope you don't mind that I used my portable lab equipment to turn the upstairs of this house into a lab. Everything up there is radioactive now." The Professor told Zim. "I'm sure you don't mind, the glowing compliments the paint perfectly."

"No, don't see how that could possibly be a problem." Zim replied

"That a boy! I can tell you appreciate science. Now if only my poor insane son were such an upstanding citizen as you"

"But dad, he's an alien!" Dib whined

"My poor insane son." The professor lamented. "Nice costume by the way. And speaking of bye, science waits for no man. Or woman. So goodbye!"

To the shock of all present the professor grabbed his daughter's hand and they took off into the air, shooting straight through the wall as though it wasn't there.

The whole group stared at the completely intact wall in shock. "How on irk did he do that?" Purple whispered. To his surprise an echoing reply was heard.

"Anything is possible with science!"

"Hey, what about me?" Dib yelled then groaned in frustration. Stupid dad with his stupid phasing technology. If he had put dangerous chemicals in his cereal the least he could have done would be help his son escape. But no, he took Gaz and forgot about him.

A few awkward seconds later

"Wow." Purple was the first one who finally spoke. "Rough day, huh."

Dib chuckled bitterly. "You don't know the half of it."

"Here." Dib looked up in surprise as a packet of snacks landed at his feet. "Have one of these. I have like a gazillion of them."

"Oh?" Dib carefully pulled apart the seams of the packaging. Inside was some kind of snack. They looked kind of like cheese puffs except they were purple. He cautiously picked one up and examined it. It didn't leave dust on his hands.

" I swear it's not poisoned. It's the least you deserve for dealing with that moron all day." Dib felt a smile brush against his lips. "Wow, thanks… I guess."

He placed one in his mouth, carefully chewed, and swallowed. He felt a flutter of dread in his stomach as he waited for something awful to happen, but the chance to try alien food was too good to pass up. But nothing did happen. The puffs tasted sweet, almost like that sugary cereal that Gaz liked.

"Really, it's nothing. When I said I had a gazillion of them, I literally meant it. I just restocked." Purple elaborated.

Dib paused. "Wait, you literally have a gazillion of those in your PAK? How do they fit?"

Purple just shrugged.

"Why don't I get a snack?" Zim sulked.

Maybe someday I will write a one-shot where Zim sees the memes. Or if someone else wants to use the idea feel free :)

Didn't realize how mean I was to Dib until it was pointed out to me :/

I changed up the ending from how it originally was meant to be because when I went back and read it again specifically looking for Dib bashing… wow

When you are trying to write the characters as accurately as possible and one or two hate Dib, some dislike him, and some are pretty much oblivious to feelings things can get rough.

Dib assumed that the moron was his dad but actually it was Zim. I feel like anyone would have at least a little appreciation for somebody who dealt with Zim so they don't have to. I like to think that the Tallest have some emotions and care about at least a few things besides snacks. So I guess I decided to develop their character a little.


	10. Planet Jackers

Wow I really didn't really realize how mean I was to Dib last chapter :/

I actually ended up changing the ending from what it was originally meant to be because I felt really bad for him. Anyways this chapter should be a bit nicer to Dib.

Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out

…. Guys. I hate to do this, but I have some bad news.

This story is going on hiatus. I kind of started losing motivation a while ago but I have been able to keep going because of all the lovely reviews and because I hated to let you guys down.

I might pick it up again someday but for now, it's on hiatus. Sorry if this seems rather sudden.

I know that it is actually coming near the end of the story but for some reason even though I still feel motivated to write, I just never feel motivated on this one anymore. I want to continue writing, but I know that if I try and drag out this story when I really don't feel like it, it won't turn out that well.

This is why I am putting it on hiatus until I finally feel motivated and can continue it properly. Honestly I would rather have a shortened but higher quality one than one that loses its heart.

Hopefully I will pick it up someday. I don't want to have two stories on at the same time and I feel as though this story is dragging me down because I kind of want to start another one but won't let myself. Thanks for understanding.

The good news is I do have a new chapter for you guys. I managed to bring myself to write it because I already had it laid out and I hated leaving you guys hanging.

Disclaimer: Does anyone actually read these things? I'm just going to write it anyways, I in no way shape or form own any part of Invader Zim. Actually, I found a better way to say it. All publicly recognizable characters, settings, lyrics, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The plot is the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended, nor should any be inferred. No profit is being made

-REVIEWSREVIEWSREVIEWSREVIEWSREVIEWS-

 **Rocky Rooster:** I am glad that you thought that it was more entertaining with the comments. Yeah the Prof. can be pretty oblivious, can't he?

 **the-siRNA:** Yeah I kind of get that feeling too. Dib is much more rational and intelligent than most humans and Zim is way more crazy than most Irkens.

 **CE:** Yeah it can be hard to keep Dib from being too bullied what with most of the people in the room hating him, disliking him, or tend to be a bit oblivious to feelings. Since I am trying to think of what would actually happen based on their personalities they tend to gang up on poor Dib :/

I felt like the least Dib deserved was for the end of the chapter to go a bit better for him. And I am glad that you like that idea of the Tallest fixing GIR in hopes that he will destroy Zim. The not-crazy GIR is actually pretty competent, if a bit extreme. And you are fine, I assume you are referring to the thing about it being a bit heavy with the Dib bashing? Yeah I agree. You worded it nicely and a little constructive criticism never hurt anybody.

 **Invader Johnny:** Yeah Dib always has the worst luck. My reasoning is that if footage of Dib was beamed all over the galaxy he wold indeed be quite famous.  
 **  
Zim'sMostLoyalServant:** It was a bit excessive, I agree. Yeah as I was telling Rocky Rooster, Dib 's dad isn't the most observant man is he? Glad you are still enjoying my comic references.

 **Guest:** Thanks a lot for letting me know. Pointing out problems like this helps me become a better writer. And yeah as I mentioned before to CE, it can be hard to keep Dib from being too bullied what with most of the people in the room disliking him or just being a bit of a jerk in general to everyone. Since I am trying to think of what would actually happen based on their personalities and stuff poor Dib can end up being a bit of a victim

 **Im-Gay-For-A-Cultist:** Glad that you liked the chapter, I am not crazy about the episode either honestly but I thought I could make it a bit more interesting if I used my plot bunny. This should be one of the more exciting episodes though.

 **Cf96:** Thanks, and thanks for reviewing :)

 **Guest:** The Professor is always an interesting character to write, I am glad you liked seeing him :)

Now onto the newest chapter, but first I just want to take a minute to thank everyone who reviewed. You guys are the MVPs :) You are the reason I found the inspiration to keep writing for this long.

-STARTOFCHAPTERSTARTOFCHAPTERSTARTOFCHAPTER—

 **Zim sits on a hovering platform looking through his telescope.**

"Another one?" Red groaned. How much longer could this last? He was missing some serious partying right now and that did not make him happy.

"They didn't pause between them like usual, the person behind this must be getting impatient too. Maybe that means they won't make us stay much longer." Dib noticed, optimistically.

"I miss my thing. I don't remember what it was called but I threw it away the other day because it was useless, but I want it now." Purple complained. He never knew what he had until it was gone. "The first thing I'm going to do when I get back is force someone to dig through the rubbish for it."

"Skoodge has been gone a while should somebody check on him?"

"Meh," Purple shrugged. "Skoodge can do what he wants."

"I dunno, what if something is really wrong?" Dib pointed out. He actually didn't hate Skoodge because he was so hard to hate, but he didn't like him either as he was Zim's evil assistant. His confusing relationship with Skoodge aside he still needed to interrogate him.

Dib decided to wait.

" **Enhance." Zim commands, looking at a planet through the lense. The planet's surface is crawling with rock creatures. "Computer, locate Invader Flobee."**

 **The computer complies, zooming in to show Flobee and his SIR unit lounging on a throne in a disguise that consists of several rock strapped to his body. He is being fanned by some of the rock creatures.**

" **Flobee seems to be doing alright." Zim notices. "Computer, show me Invader Stink."**

" **Stink never was much of an invader, I'd be surprised if he's even got a good disguise yet." Zim mutters. The telescope finds Invader Stink lounging on a hill, disguiseless. Zim chuckles. "Resting on the job, eh, Stink? Pathetic! But then the telescope view zooms out showing that the dome has an Irken flag on it and that the city below is flaming.**

" **Huh?!" Zim gasps, then begins to wail. "All the invaders are farther along in their conquest than I am! Computer, show me Invader Skutch!"**

"Hmm, they all got the easy planets." Zim laughed. "Thank goodness you didn't give one of them Earth. They wouldn't even have a disguise yet."

Dib snorts. "And your disguise is so amazing?"

"Yep." Zim nodds in affirmation, not understanding the sarcasm.

"You know why the earth remains unconquered, a free planet, Zim?" Dib asks.

"Because Zim is a total moron? Red suggests.

"What?" Dib looks confused. "No, because it has me! The ultimate protector, a dedicated paranormal investigator, and a- hey that's not funny!"

"Look at me, I'm so smart." Zim mocked Dib with exaggerated motions and stupid faces. "I have a huge head. You know what you should do Dib? SHUT UP!"

Dib glares at Zim. "I hate you, you know that?"

" **Skutch was a total failure in the academy." Zim mutters desperately. But the telescope shows Skutch laughing maniacally as his surroundings burn.**

" **Hey, what is this!?" Zim complains as the telescope suddenly goes static. "Computer, I wanna see Invader Skutch!"**

" **Exact Skutch coordinates set."**

" **I see no Skutch!" Zim complains. "Go back to Stink."**

 **The telescope once again shows nothing but static. "GIR! Come to the observatory!" Zim tells the robot after grabbing a communicator. GIR pops his head out of a hole on the observatory wall. "Yes?"**

" **What have you done to the telescope?"**

" **Nothin'." GIR answers innocently. Zim responds with scepticism. "You haven't touched it? Something is broken and it's not your fault?"**

" **I know, I'm scared too." GIR replies fearfully, using his jets to fly down and join Zim on his platform. "Computer, display scope image on screen."**

 **The entire conservatory dome wall becomes a view screen, showing static.**

"Wait, I feel like I know this from somewhere." Red muses.

Zim speaks up. "It was the Planet Jackers."

"Hey, no spoilers!" Red complains. "And I would have gotten it eventually. Probably really soon."

" **What is that?" Zim stares up at the wall/screen. "I know this from somewhere..."**

"Hey I just said that!" Red informs the screen before being elbowed by Zim. "Great minds think alike, eh?"

"Yeah, but my mind is way, way, way, way greater than yours." Red corrected. "Compared to me you are like a PAK-less smeet."

Zim didn't seem to hear this. "You know, this is great isn't it? The galaxies greatest irken, and you, the Tallest! It took you forever to finally visit but it finally happened!"

"Yeah, I don't really think being kidnapped is a positive."

"You say the funniest things."

 **The observatory starts shaking and chunks of debris start falling from the ceiling, causing Zim to scream as the telescope breaks loose and crashes to the ground, and the walls change back from their television state to normal walls. The hover platform dodges falling debris and chunks of the telescope, but a small chunk still hits Zim in the face. Once the shaking stops, the entire observatory is filled with the broken chunks of the debris. The hovering platform floats above it.**

" **Wooo! Do that again!" GIR suggests in excitement, but Zim does not share his enthusiasm. "If what I saw was what I thought I saw, then there isn't time to fix the scope! I'll have to find another more powerful telescope to confirm my... suspicions."**

 **Zim and GIR are standing in their disguises on a hill. The sky seems to be pulsing with waves of electricity. "What about that one?" GIR suggests, pointing out a telescope. Zim looks at it through a helmet that emerges from his PAK.**

"Hello." A voice hisses.

"Ms. Bitters?" Everyone gasps but Purple who look confused. "Hey wait, isn't that the teacher lady?"

Their question was ignored though. Zim gasped again before shrieking. "Don't look at me!"

Dib's heart soared before Ms. Bitters scoffed. "It doesn't matter. I've always known you were an alien."

"You have?!" Both Dib and Zim yelled at once.

"Ummm," Red spoke. "This is nice and all, but who are you?"

"Remember, the teacher lady?" Purple reminded him.

"Unfortunately for me, that is correct, I am indeed their teacher. Unfortunately for them, I am also now a truant officer. That's why I am here." 

"Wait, why would you become a truant officer. You never leave the school?" Dib asked, surprised.

"I'm a truant officer now. I normally don't leave the school as…. I have duties there." Ms. Bitters explained. "But I heard that if I became one there would be more opportunities to punish you stupid morons."

"But we're not even supposed to be in school right now are we? It's the middle of the night from what I can tell." Dib argued.

"Oh." Ms. Bitters sounded disappointed. "Well, bye then I guess."

"Where are you going to go, you are stuck with us now, aren't… you." Dib looked around in shock. "Where did she go?"

"I don't know, I must have blinked."

"Me too!"

"There is no way we all blinked at once." Dib argued. "Zim, did you see anything?"

"No, I swear the Bitters human vanished into thin air."

"Yep, there is no way that thing is human. It gave me chills just being in the same room as her." Red decided.

" **It certainly looks powerful enough... but it belongs to the Dib human." Zim realizes.**

" **So? He seems nice!" GIR tells Zim.**

Dib scoffed. Zim's robot was crazy, it didn't even seem to know which side it was on.

" **We want to destroy these people, not ask them for help. The very thought makes me make little... sicky noises."**

 **But Zim was indeed desperate enough. Zim and GIR both stand out in front of Dib's house, and Zim is obviously not pleased to be there. He looks to GIR, who smiles in an encouraging manner.**

 **After a great inner struggle and more encouragement from GIR, Zim finally pushes the doorbell. Dib opens the door slowly, but Zim smacks the door open the rest of the way due to a lack of patience and Dib groans as he falls backwards into the couch.**

" **I need the use of your telescope." Zim demands bluntly. As Zim approaches, Dib scuttles away, and then grabs the Prof. Membrane lamp behind the couch and holds it threateningly at Zim.**

" **Gaz, there's an alien in the house!"**

" **You mean besides you?"**

 **It seemed that Dib wouldn't be getting help from his sister.**

"That's a weird insult." Purple noted. "As you two are from the same planet."

"She was just being Gaz. I'm not an alien." Dib answered dismissively.

"Well you actually are an alien too us, but that's not the point. I wonder…"

"What?" Dib asked as they all stared at him

"Are you from Earth?"

"What kind of question is that?" Dib asked, taken aback. "Of course I am!"

It all makes sense now. Your strange intelligence when compared to the rest of " _your"_ species, and your head. It is impossible for a human to have a head so large!

"Just stop it with the head thing!" Dib complained. "That got really old a long, long time ago."

"REVEAL YOUR TRUE FORM!" Zim shrieked, hoping to catch The Dib off guard and startle him into blurting out something.

"I don't have another form!" 

"Hmm, if you say so." Purple muttered, not really buying it. They continue to eye him suspiciously.

" **We don't have time for this, Dib! Your world might be in very great danger!"**

" **Well, yeah, you're trying to destroy the human race, remember?" Zim chuckles dismissively. "Oh, yes, but this is different, there's something else entirely. I need to use your telescope!"**

 **Dib wasn't falling for it. "You think I'm stupid? I mean, what kind of weak alien needs the help of the people he intends to conquer?"**

" **Have you seen the sky?"**

" **I'm not going out there, Zim! I'm not falling for whatever it is you're up to!"**

 **Dib pokes Zim in the face with his lamp, causing him to squeal. Dib does it again and Zim runs out the door, shrieking.**

 **Dib slams the door behind him and smugly speaks to himself. "Earth is safe once more, but for how long?"**

Zim shot Dib a judging look.

"Well what did you expect me to do?" Dib spoke. "You were an evil alien breaking into my house to use my telescope."

"I told you that it was different!" Zim indignantly replied. Dib questioned. "And why would I have believed you?"

"You know Dib actually has a point." Red said.

"How would you know, you insolent FOOL?!" Zim automatically shrieked before sinking down in horror as he remembered who he was talking too. "My apologies, My Tallest, force of habit."

"I'm just going to pretend that never happened." Red replied. Normally he would have kicked up a huge fuss but by now he had had way more than his daily dose of Zim and figured his best choice was to try and roll with it until he got out of this nightmare.

" **Stupid human!" Zim rants before deciding. "We only have one option, GIR! We're takin' the Voot Cruiser out to investigate."**

 **Zim heads home and soon Zim and GIR are flying in the Voot Cruiser. "It's a good thing I fixed the g-force compensators on the cruiser before this little trip we're about to take. It was acting kinda funny."**

 **Zim had jinxed himself. The voot cruiser blasts away, out of control, at incredible speeds. Before they know it, they are high above the city. Screams belonging both to Zim and his robotic companion fill the vehicle.**

 **The cruiser crashes into something and Zim flies out of his seat, hitting the windshield. His eyeball comes out of his socket. He groans as he puts it back into its socket.**

Dib gagged a little. "Your eye, it just…"

"Oh yes, that?" Zim shrugs. "I was a bit surprised too. Had no idea I could do that."

"Hey, did you know we could do that?" Purple asks Red. "That's so weird!"

"And a bit disturbing." Red admitts. "Was it painful?" 

"A little bit, my Tallest." Zim answers. 

"Huh. Who knew."

" **What did we hit?" Zim groans before realizing the answer to his question. "Noooooo!"**

" **The Earth has been stolen, GIR!"**

"Wait, don't tell me…." Red realises.

" **By the Planet Jackers!"**

"Ugg those losers?" Red groans.

"Who are the Planet Jackers?" Dib wonders aloud. Red stares at him for a few seconds before remembering. "Oh yeah, I always forget that you humans wouldn't know about them."

"If he really is a human." Zim mutters, not ready to let the idea go. Then louder he says. "Don't bother explaining it to him, there is no way his feeble mind can comprehend the topic."

"Hey, earlier you said I was smarter than other humans." Dib retorts and Zim scoffs. "Being smarter than a human is not really a compliment. It's like saying you are smarter than dirt. Or GIR."

" **Computer, bring up the Planet Jackers holo simulation."**

 **A hologram is projected from the dashboard. It shows a planet with a moon orbiting it.**

" **They sneak up on unsuspecting planets and enclose them in a hollow metal bubble."**

 **As he speaks this is demonstrated in the hologram. "The inside of the sphere is one big television screen, which projects a sky so know one knows what's happened."**

 **Zim continues to explain. "Those earthquakes we've been feeling are the pull from when they change direction."**

" **Tell me a story about giant pigs!" GIR demands and holds up a pig toy, as distracted as ever.**

" **The Planet Jacker's homeworld orbits a dying sun. They throw planets into it like firewood to keep it burning. And now, they have the Earth."**

" **Yay!" Shouted GIR.**

" **No GIR, that's bad." Zim informs the robot. "Do you know what this means?"**

" **Yes." GIR answers.**

" **You don't really, do you?" Zim jumps onto the dashboard where a holo-projection of the Earth is. "It means WE won't get to destroy it! Our mission will be a total failure!"**

" **Imagine the Irken army showing up and the entire planet is missing!" Zim pounds the dashboard in frustration before hopping back down. But then he spots something."There's got to be a way out of the shell… There!"**

 **They fly into an opening that is labeled 'for Planet Jacker use only.'**

"Hey wait, don't people leave the atmosphere all the time on other planets?" Dib questioned. "Spaceships are like cars on some planets right?"

"Yeah, so?" Zim replied, not seeing what was up with the question. Dib continued."Wouldn't they notice something was wrong pretty quickly? Why bother projecting a sky? Or having an exit?"

"Well the planet jackers normally only target very primitive planets, where this is not a problem. Or in the earth's case, primitive and stupid." Zim says, explaining and insulting at the same time. "Even if you could casually leave the planet I suspect you would bang yourself against the shell repeatedly, expecting it to open for you."

"Oh. I want to say that wouldn't happen but.." Dib trails off. Zim shouted out his plans to take over the world every day, in public, and nobody ever noticed. Humans really were stupid.

 **They see that the planet is being pulled along by only a tiny ship. "That's it! That's them!"**

 **Two planet jackers sit inside the cockpit of the tiny ship.**

" **Look at that, binary system." One of the planet jackers comments. "That's a pair of stars orbiting around each other. You ever been to a binary system?"**

Something caught Dib's eye. Somebody was peeping out from the bathroom.

"Hey Skoodge! What are you doing, come on over here!"

Skoodge squealed in terror and dove back into the bathroom.

Dib ran after him but when he tried the door it was locked.

"Hey, are you alright?" Dib asks but receives no response. "I know you're in there, come talk too me!"

This time heard a muffled response, but he couldn't make out the words. "I can't understand you, come out here so we can talk." 

"I don't wanna." The words were still quiet and a bit muffled, but were clearer. "Don't make me."

"Don't make you come out?"

"No."

"Then what? What is it?"

The Tallest and Zim had been watching the odd conversation with mild interest. Dib was suddenly struck with an idea. "Hey you!"

"Me?" Zim asked. Dib scoffed. "Not you, your leaders. Can one of you order him to come out? He has to listen to you right?"

"I guess." Red came up next to the door. "Umm, Skoodge was it?"

A whimper of confirmation. Red continued. "So, I guess I'm ordering you to come out. As your supreme leader."

"Co-leader." Purple corrected. Red rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

The door cracked open and Skoodge reluctantly slipped out. He shrunk under their stairs.

"So…" Dib finally broke the silence but was suddenly interrupted by Skoodge.

"Please don't make me test that thing again!" Skoodge pleads "These ears are enough, they're so large I can hear everything that tv show is saying, and GIR's babbling. If I hear one more think about Floopsy and Shmoopsy and yet another round of maniacal giggling, I will go insane!"

"Oh, you were just worried about the machine thing." Dib realized.

"Oh yeah, my machine thing! You know I forgot about that…" Zim trailed off.

Skoodge looks nervous at the mention of the machine.

"If only the bitter human had stuck around we could have tested it on her." Purple laments. That could have been funny. But then again she didn't seem like someone you wanted to get on the wrong side of.

"Ms. Bitters was here?!" Skoodge was surprised. He thought she never left the school.

"Wouldn't you have heard her with your… ears?"

"I couldn't hear anything but that stupid tv show." Skoodge explained, shivering at the thought. "I passed out from the horror for a while but then… it was back."

"She called us stupid morons then left." Purple elaborated.

"Stupid morons?"

"Yeah."

"You are stupid morons." The familiar hissing voice of Ms. Bitters spoke, causing everyone to jump.

"I thought you left!" Dib shouted in surprise. Ms. Bitters spoke again, but somehow they couldn't pinpoint where in the room she was. "I never leave. I'm always watching you. ALWAYS!"

"Oh. Don't suppose you want to help us test this teleportation machine?" Zim suggested. There was no reply. "Any other volunteers?"

"We will!" Purple speaks up.

"We won't!" Red argues, giving Purple a funny look. "Did you see what happened to Skoodge? Do you want ears too?"

"I don't know about you, but I've been here way too long! You can stay if you want, but I'm out."

"I guess."

 **-Time Skip—**

"Ok, prepare for teleportation!" Zim pulls safety goggles over his eyes and starts laughing maniacally.

"Should we ask why you need those?"

"Oh, in case it explodes." 

"That wouldn't help much if it actually ex- wait did you say explodes?"

But it was too late. Zim yanked the lever and with a beam of light the Tallest disappeared.

"Wow, it actually worked." Zim commented, then looked up at Skoodge and Dib. "Ok, who is next?"

But then, with another blinding flash of light, the Tallest were once again standing in the room.

"Never mind."

"My head feels dizzy." Purple complained. They looked up to observe their surroundings and realized where they were again. "Oh shplicksphlort. They rerouted the beam. I didn't even think of that, but of course they would. If they could reroute the beam to the party they could reroute our escape beam.

"So we are still stuck here?" Purple asked.

"Yep." Red groaned.

"Drat." Purple wanted to say some much stronger words but his head really hurt.

The footage came back on. Evidentially the person controlling it felt like enough time had been wasted.

 **Zim flies the Voot Runner in front of the Planet Jacker's ship and turns around to face them. "S'cuse me."**

" **Hey, look at the little green guy!"**

" **What do you think you're doing?" Zim asks.**

" **Well, you see that planet back there?" The Planet Jacker asks. Zim replies with a simple. "Yes."**

" **We're going to throw it into our sun. Why, you gotta problem with that?" The first one explains, then the bigger one speaks up. "That one's gonna burn real good, lots of critters! Critters burn good!"**

" **Yes, I have a problem!" Zim replies in frustration. "Maybe you have forgotten about the Irken/Planet Jacker treaty, stating that all planets marked for conquest by the Irken military are to be left where they are!"**

" **No, no, this planet wasn't marked." The smaller one explains, looking at a map. "This one's free game."**

" **Then it's a mistake! I know for certain the armada expects me to insure this planet's doom! Can't you just go get some other planet?"**

The Tallest laugh nervously. "Must be those idiotic Planet Jacker's faults. Because we would never forget such an important thing."

Zim smiles and nods, having no reason to doubt his Tallest.

 **The Planet Jackers continue to refuse to leave Earth be, and end up flinging Zim's ship out into space with the impact from a blast, laughing.**

" **Look, Oog! Pick up the pace, we're almost home!"**

" **There isn't much time! GIR!" GIR pops his head up, saluting, in duty mode. "Fly the cruiser. I have a plan. An amazing plan..."**

"Is it really the best idea to let that robot fly the ship?" Red wonders aloud. Purple agreed. "Yeah, from what I've seen it might just fly it in circles."

"Exactly, CONFUSE the enemy!" Zim shouts excitedly. "The hidden brilliance that you hid behind the robot's seemingly… less than perfect actions… is brilliant!"

"Well, now that you mention it…" Purple starts and Red finishes. "We are brilliant, aren't we?"

They both now bear matching smirks.

 **Zim confronts the Planet Jackers and the bigger one goes outside to get rid of the "annoying green thing".**

"Wow that guy has really thin legs." Dib notices, referring to the Planet Jacker. "How do they support his body?"

"Huh, I've never actually thought about it."

 **The Planet Jacker finds Zim on the outside of the ship, pounding on it and groaning.**

"That was your master plan, Zim? Figures." Dib chuckled.

"Like you could have done better?" Zim scoffed. "Irkens are the masters of strategy. Those Planet Snatchers never stood a chance."

" **Please, stop that. It's really annoying!" The Planet Snatcher grunts, flying over to where Zim is by jetpack.**

" **Fools!" Zim shrieks, balances on his PAK legs. "I am Zim, Irken Invader Zim. I am responsible for the safe obliteration of the human race, not you!"**

" **That's it." The Planet snatcher grumbles. He had asked nicely, but now the green thing was going to get it. He leapt at Zim, who used the agility his PAK legs provide him to leap out of the way.**

" **Release the planet, thief!"**

" **There's only one way to undue the coupling, but you'll have to get through me first!" The large alien pulls out a set of keys and twirls them on his finger. Zim, seeing a small key-hole on the coupling, leaps up with his PAK legs.**

 **The Planet Jacker moves out of the way and Zim flies past him. When Zim tries again, the same thing happens except this time the Planet Jacker grabs him by his PAK legs, spinning him around until the legs snap and Zim is sent flying into space.**

" **GIR! GIR! Catch me! Bring the cruiser around and catch me!" Zim commands frantically through the communicator.**

 **GIR snaps into duty mode and he salutes. "Yes, sir!"**

 **The cruiser flies straight into Zim, leaving him stuck on the windshield. GIR, no longer in duty mode, happily waves at Zim. "Hi!"**

" **Let me in, GIR!" Zim is not pleased. GIR pushes a button on the control panel, letting him in.**

"Huh, it actually did what Zim asked." Red notes in surprise.

"Yes, it was a… different experience." Zim muses. "Though that day was full of surprises."

" **They're getting away! We're loosing the planet, GIR!" Zim growls. "The Tallest will kill me for sure! Now, time for another amazing plan from me, Zim!"**

 **He releases the pods on both sides of the Voot Cruiser and they begin cutting the planet free of the shell.**

" **The pods should cut through the shell." Zim explains to GIR, now wearing a purple spaceship. "I'll just have to keep them occupied so they don't notice what's happening. You let me know when it's done."**

 **Zim leaves the spaceship, heading for the coupling.**

"You know, I never know the Earth was so… small. I can't believe it fits inside that shell." Dib spoke.

"What are you blabbering about, Dib-Stink?" Zim asked. Dib waved it off. "Nothing. It's just a bit weird, that's all."

 **When Zim reaches the coupling, he lands on it with magnetic boots that let him stick to the surface.**

" **Look who's back." The smaller planet jacker says, noticing the intruder. The bigger one growls and heads over to where Zim is with the help of jets.**

" **Let's get this over with, little man!" The alien looks extremely violent. Zim replies. "Sure. Why not?"**

 **Both make jet powered charges towards each other.**

"Huh. Zim is going to get beat into a pulp. That guy is like a hundred times bigger than him." Purple casually commented.

Skoodge who had been sitting quietly, still a bit nervous about the whole teleporter incident spoke up. "I believe in Zim. Trust me, he has survived worse."

"Unfortunately, that is true."

"Unfortunately?" Dib thought. Something about their attitude towards Zim wasn't quite right. It really bothered him.

" **You had enough yet?" Zim asks, and receives a punch to his face for his trouble. Zim has been badly beaten up. But luckly, the pods from the cruiser have managed to cut the planet free of the shell.**

" **It's done!" GIR informs Zim.**

" **Okay... I think I'm through with you!" Zim manages to weakly mutter before slowly escaping to his ship. The Planet Jacker does not follow.**

 **On Planet Earth, Dib peeks out of his house just in time to see the shell floating away, revealing the true sky, which is unfamiliar.**

 **The moon, still stuck in a shell, crashes into the planet.**

"Yeah it took me forever to get earth back to where it was." Zim complains. "And the thing with the moon... phew. I would have just left it but GIR started throwing a tantrum so I really had no choice."

"Why did you put the planet back?" Dib asks, surprised. He had always wondered what had happened. At least now he knew how they got to a completely different galaxy, but when they returned to normal he had no idea how that happened. And Zim had refused to answer his questions.

"Duh." Zim smirks as if it is the most obvious thing ever. "Cause if the earth moved how would the Tallest find it?"

"You could have given us the new coordinates." Red points out.

"Oh." Zim realized. But then Skoodge jumped in to help his friend out. "The planet Jackers would probably have noticed it and thrown it in for real if it just stayed there."

"Yep, that was what I was just about to say." Zim lies.

" **The Earth is safe! I did it, GIR! Now let's go destroy it!"**

" **Yay!"**

-ENDOFCHAPTERENDOFCHAPTERENDOFCHAPTERENDOFCHAPTER—

There you go. I read over it once or twice but I didn't extensively check it like I normally do, I don't think I got the tenses quite right. But I put it out because otherwise I might have forgotten and let it sit in a file on my computer forever. Please let me know if you find big mistakes. I don't think there are but I can never be completely sure.

This was actually supposed to be the chapter where Dib finds out that Zim was actually banished, but I decided not to leave you with a cliff hanger like that.

So, I guess, bye for now.

Thanks again.


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